A
male
age
41-50,
*uzukiC90
writes:i would like to explain this from the begining if i may. i was in, and still am in the military. i meet a lady a few years back. we started out just talking to one and other pretty often. and to be honest i have no idea when it went to us being boyfriend and girlfriend. but it happened one day and we both were very happy. i got orders to go over seas for 8 months and it turned into being 9 almost 10 months. i kept in contact as best as i could. but the whole internet and phone system was on a up and down status every day. at about the 7 month mark, i got a feeling that something was not right with her. and i called her on this feeling, and she reasured me that everything was okay. then i finally got to come back. we had made plains on me moving in with her when i returned, and alot of other things as well. but she gave me a place to stay for 2 weeks and then said i had to go. i found a place and moved in, and she helped me move in and get set up. as i got settled in, she was telling me she would come over and visit and spend time together. but because of her kids she couldn't stay the nights. and i understoud this. i have always tod her that i would rather she her choose her kids over me any day, if it came to it. she finaaly told me about eight months ago, that she has been seeing another man. and that i should move on in my life. as you can figure, i was distroyed. and i still have not moved on. instead she called me a month ago asking if we could meet and talk. she then tells me that she is in some really big trouble. the guy she was dating, started to beat the crap out of her on a daily bases. and she fought back with him out in town. and that she is facing charges that may cause her to go to jail for a little while. i told her i would be here for her and her kids if she needed me. and she started talking about the way things were with her and i. and she started making plains about her and i. and to be honest, i started to feel like my old self again. being around her, my life feels as if it has a purpose and without her in it, it doesn't. she tells me she is going to call me back, or come and visit me during the day. and she never calls or comes by to visit. i guess i can ask my question now. what do i do here? i want to be with her in everyway known to man kind. but i know she is still with the other man. how do i ask here to chose either him or i?
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female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 June 2007):
 She has very low self-esteem if she is staying in a relationship where there is abuse. But if that is where she wants to be then there is little you can do about it. It is so sad when a woman feels she actually deserves to get the crap beat out of her but essentially that's how your girlfriend feels. The fact that she has children makes it worse. I'm sorry you had to fall for her. I know you don't want to hear this but I highly doubt you will ever be happy in a relationship with her. It would be best to move on with your life. It will hurt for awhile but each day will get easier. I know you will find someone who is worthy of all the love you so obviously have. Good luck, Buddy and thank you very much for your service to our country.
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help  +, writes (7 June 2007):
 you are a very kind man to stick by her untill things blow over stay friends with her that way you haven't lost her in a way just not with her in the way you want. look after her during this time as its quite tough for her at the moment. once things have calm down maybe you can ask her him or me. give her space and let her come to a decision. hope this has kind of helped hope all goes well for you xxx
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A
female
reader, shortybabes +, writes (7 June 2007):
 You should just give her the ultimatum, if she wants to be with you so much then she will choose you. You have the right to know, because she is giving you mixed signals at the moment. Just ask her!
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A
female
reader, myp +, writes (7 June 2007):
 She has to make the decision to get out of the abusive relationship. You really just have to continue being there for her when she needs you. If you make her choose now she'll feel abandoned. Support her in every way possible and she'll remember. You cant force her out of the situation thats a decision she needs to make on her own or she'll always resent you for interfering, However her children should not have to witness the abuse of there mother so remind her what shes doing to herself and her children.
good luck
-Myesha
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