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age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Um, well...okay, I'm an agony aunt on this site, and I'm going through a difficult time. I like to help people. I care about people a lot. But I'm feeling exhausted and am wondering...will anyone ever be there for me? I try to help on this site. And I would drop everything if my friends needed me. But whenever I need them, they aren't there for me. I seem to draw people to me who need help, someone to talk to. If people are feeling down, they come to me. And being the person I am, I try to help. But I find once they have finished, and they feel better, they go, and I don't hear from them. If I am going through problems myself, they aren't there for me.So right now, it's a struggle to get through each day, but I'm keeping going. But I don't know how much longer I can keep putting on a smiley face in front of my friends. I want to say to them, actually no. I'm not okay right now. But I am scared of depresing them, or of them turning away. So I keep acting like I am fine.Am I alone? Will anyone ever be there for me? How much more do I have to give to people? Thanks for reading this. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your responses! It really means a lot to me.
It is true that I feel bad for "burdening" people with my problems. It just bothers me sometimes too when some of my friends say they are too busy. Even if I am busy, if a friend needs me, I always make time for them. So it hurts when they don't do that in return. Not all of my friends are like that though, some of them I can rely on. So I guess they are the ones who count really!
But yes, I think I will try being a bit more honest about what is going on, instead of giving the usual automatic "I'm fine thanks!", and see what happens. Thanks again for taking the time to reply to my question, it means a great deal to me. x
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female
reader, vamp-gal  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 I think I know what you might be going through.
You feel that you're always trying to help people if they're upset yet you feel you can't tell them, because it isn't in your nature to tell others when you're feeling down. You're usually the one helping people and you don't want them to worry about you, especially if they have their own problems to deal with.
The thing is you have to trust that your friends will be there for you when you're feeling down. They'll probably help, because that's what friends are for.
You have a giving nature, but sometimes you can't drop everything to help someone, there have to be some limitations, you're wearing yourself out and need some time to deal with your own problems or to talk to a friend about your worries.
I know you said you didn't want to worry them or you feel they will turn their backs on you, but if they're really your friends they wouldn't do that.
Like CaringGuy said, if they turn away they're not your true friends and don't deserve you in their life.
Hope this helps,
Good Luck x
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female
reader, VictoriaK  +, writes (7 February 2010):
 Caring guy has it all right. You can't keep giving and giving, and not get anything in return. It makes you feel lonely, and sometimes used. I know that it's a bad feeling when you think someone is using you, even if it it for advice. I think you have to just say it. If you're with a friend and feeling down, say "hey I've been having a bit of trouble, would you mind giving me some advice?" Maybe you think that since you're the advice giver and people come to you for help that if you were to ask for help you would feel like you've lost your title as "the friend with the best advice". But truth is, everyone needs advice from time to time. Even you aunts and uncles :)
Lovingly,
Victoria
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male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (7 February 2010):
I have often found that if you give too much, you are the one who ends up burnt. It's happened to me before. It doesn't even stop me helping either. The answer is yes there is someone out there for you, because I did find someone. You're not alone at all. Most people on this site are people who want to help, so we're here. You don't need to stop giving, you just need to be honest. Tell your friends you need someone to talk to. If any turn away, you know they're not true friends. And you can always tell us on here what's wrong.
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