A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just cant understand how im still single, I really cant! Im a nice looking girl.slim ive got blonde hair. Ive got a really nice nature, Ive got a 5 yr old daughter, I dont smoke, do drugs. Go out getting smashed having one night stands. Ive never had one only long term relationships. Ive got a varied social life lots of different sets of friends doing different things but none of them no anyone whos male and single! I even work in a men department shop but noone comes in there! People say I cant believe your single ive joined a dating website for a few months I get lots of messages but noones lives in my area! Just feels like ive hit a brick wall! Ive been single a yr. Its so unfair ive had a horrible relationship of 3 yrs to a bloke who mentally abused me, talked down to me, I loss all my confidence. Said I had a sad life he pitted me and was only with me cos he felt sorry for me! And yet I did everything 4 him! I had a breakdown because of the daily mind games I went through had counciling and that was a yr ago and im finally healed pretty much. Hes gone on and got engaged when he was begging me back less than a yr ago! It just seems so unfair. I just want to find someone settle down have a family life, look after each other and be happy! Whens it gonna be my turn? Cos I jus cant see it happening ever!
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a break, confidence, drugs, engaged, one night stand Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Libra1963  +, writes (5 June 2010):
 I know how you feel as I have a similiar problem...in a relationship but do not feel like one. May as well say I am single. Ditch the dating websides as the people tend to fabricate themselves. Better to met people through your own circle of friends and interests. Its amazing how men just come into your life from the least expecting places. All of a sudden I a=have two showing an interest. You have to learn to play them and flirt a little to show that you may be interested. You should like a really nice girl. do not allow men to use you sexually as that will really destroy your confidence.
Good Luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2010): Caring Guy is right, focus on you. Focus on making yourself happy and independent of men because when you do, they'll be beating down your door to get with you.
Funnily enough it's when you stop looking, that people come in to your life.
Keep building your self-worth, self-belief and confidence. i sense a tone of bitterness that your idiot ex has managed to move on but you as of yet have not.
Just be patient and live your life to the best of your ability and hey, if you meet a guy you like, don't wait for him to show interest just go for it.
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A
female
reader, mum45 +, writes (5 June 2010):
You say you are healed ?, i would say you re not , please don t be offended but you sound needy and men do tend to avoid those signals. Relationships like you were in can cause untold and lasting damage . Even a year on you still talk about the effect on you cos you can still feel the pain from it. Go back to your counselling and let them help you build confidence for the future . I m not sure if i m allwoed to tell you of helpful publications but Paul Mc Kenna , wrote a very good book called "how to mend a broken heart ", i wish you all the best x
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (5 June 2010):
You're obviously a lovely lady who works hard and is pretty. The problem is you're coming across as a bit desperate and very underconfident in yourself. That's something that men find uncomfortable. As you've found living with an abusive man, the wrong man will always target women who are underconfident. Stop worrying about getting a guy right now. Worry about building your confidence back, and making sure you're happy without a man. Then, the right man will notice you. Good men just find underconfident women unnerving. Be strong for yourself and your child, and just take it easy and slow down. you have time. Be strong and independent for yourself and your child, and the right man will come along.
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