A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: I am a 25-year-old young pretty and successful female, for the last five years I can wholeheartedly say I think I’m in love with one of my friends. It all started one night at a mutual friends birthday party we got really drunk and made out. Ever since that night the rest was history. It became such a regimented thing, every weekend, every time we went out with our friends as a group it was like clockwork we always ended up together at the end of the night sneaking off together kissing, he always comes on to me but then there a small percentage of times he doesn’t and I won’t come onto him. He always calls me beautiful and makes me feel like he’s into me but that could just be the heat of the moment. As the years went on I guess I caught some feelings and started to want a little more. We always share intimate moments but never sex. I’ve told myself time and time again I need to stop feeling this way and don’t get with him tonight but I honestly can’t resist sometimes. One night me and my friends were all out together and me and him snuck off as usual and he insisted i sleepover. I thought to myself this is the moment I’ve been waiting for finally he wants to have sex. Literally all we did was watch tv and go to sleep He didn’t even make a move and I would not either. I know he can be insecure and shy at times. That’s what I keep telling myself but other times I’m not quite sure if maybe he’s really just not interested at all and I really just need to move on from this and forget about him altogether. Sometimes I think it’s really been going on this long now we’re coming into our 30s who knows maybe we will wind up together, then other times I really just don’t know I feel like I’m wasting my time. Sometimes I don’t know if it’s a love or a lust thing maybe it’s a little bit of both I really can’t tell the difference. I find myself thinking about him all the time and I couldn’t tell you what goes through his mind when he thinks of me but I feel like if the feelings were mutual he would definitely show a little more effort or we would definitely be together by now, these last few years have been discouraging to say the least. I know they say to tell people how you’re feeling it’s the only way you’re going to know but that’s not an option here I can’t swallow my pride if he’s not feeling the same way. I guess whatever’s meant to be will happen on its own. Please help does anyone have any advice? Should I back off altogether?
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drunk, insecure, kissing, move on, shy, swallow Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2019): Woah Just to answer all your questions, of course I’ve been with other men I’ve met tons of guys in 5 years. I never held back because of him ever but I just always had him on my mind no matter what, He’s just been my favorite
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2019): Woah Just to answer all your questions, of course I’ve been with other men I’ve met tons of guys in 5 years. I never held back because of him ever but I just always had him on my mind no matter what, He’s just been my favorite
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2019): I guess you're eternal makeout-buddies; but if a guy is in-love, he will let you know in no uncertain terms. You claim there has been no sex; so this whole thing makes absolutely no sense to me. Unless he's a secret transexual-male who has never told anybody. Have you seen evidence of a penis and testicles?
Don't you find it quite weird he makes-out and never goes for sex? He hasn't asked you out, just come-over to watch tv...what the hell?!!
Nobody on the planet can tell you what's going on but him. So you have to ask the player what's his game? Is he gay and just using you as a beard, or what?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2019): for FIVE years all you've done is kiss? Girl you need to ask him outright if he wants to be with you before you waste any more of your life. Have you dated anyone else in his time or just been hanging round to see if he'll kiss you on a saturday night? You deserve a full relationship, not scraps.
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 November 2019):
 You're a grown up, so it's time to stop acting like a teenager.
If you don't have the guts to talk to him, which you ABSOLUTELY SHOULD DO, then I think you need to stop playing around. This isn't helpful for you. This is a waste of your energy and time.
Here's why you just gotta talk to the guy. You say, hey, what's up, do you want to date or not so much? If he says "oh thank god, I've been wanting to date you and didn't know how to ask" - great! You date, you make it official, everyone is a winner. If he says "I really like our drunken hookups, but I don't really want anything serious", then you can start to move on.
You've put your romantic life on hold for this guy for five years! Girl, who knows if Mr. Right has been in the background this whole time, and you didn't notice because you've been hung up on this friend.
You are a grown woman, you have power, you have worth. Own it, and do better for yourself. You deserve more!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (25 November 2019):
 "I guess whatever’s meant to be will happen on its own." Really? When? In another 5 years? Another 10 years? How long are you prepared to wait? How much longer are you prepared to put your life on hold for this "non-relationship"?
You need to make a choice: either stop this silly messing about or confront your friend and ask what this is all about. I have seriously never heard anything so ridiculous.
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