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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 15 and I am in love with a 43 year old man. I don't really know him that well, but I do know that he is really nice and kind. I find myself thinking about him nearlly all the time. What should I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 January 2007): I am 22 and my partner is 48 so I am not about to say that it's wrong for you to feel the way you do... However I will say this... You need to be a really grounded person that knows exactly who you are before putting yourself in a situation where someone older could easily take advantage of you (even if they don't want to or mean to) or change the person that you are or could become. My advise to you is leave it alone until you are a few years older and if you still feel the same way no doubt you will find each other... This is how my partner and I got together and neither of us really knew how long we'd both wanted it until we talked... I wasn't quite as young as you, but it was still quite a few years that I had been thinking of him and he of me... I am glad though that I never said anything because I would not have been ready to take on someone who has lived a whole life before mine even began... Who was starting a family when I was beginning my life... Someone who has loved and lost, experienced things you have yet to experience, learned who they are and what they want from life... Until you feel confident in exactly who you are (and don't kid yourself), don't do it... Relationships are hrd enough and you're only 15.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 November 2006): Hi, you need to stop thinking about him. i was 16 when i married a 38 year old.and by 21 i was divorced with 3 kids.
long term you grow up and your thinking changes.you wont get on.
try finding someone your age or getting involved in things you enjoy.
i know age is just a number, but having been with someone twice my age i know as you grow up you thoughts will defer from his!
you can do better!
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female
reader, Talk to Me +, writes (3 October 2006):
Hi there Just registered to this site. I know exactly how you are feeling as i have been in the same position as you accept i am 21 years old and he is 42 now and married I have like this man for 6 yeahs and it's is very hard to get over him, we do talk though which is a good thing!! do u talk to this man? if you do then you must try to find out how he feels be aware he might not be interested as you are very young.
Good Luck xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2006): Very few relationships work--yet one that has an age gap of over 25 years. Do all that you can to prepare your future with perfect grades and a lot of activities. Prepare your life by doing hard work and start NOW. Stay away from ANYTHING or ANYONE that could stray you from your goals. Learn to love yourself for the things you accomplish and being a good person. Focus on bettering yourself and find out what that means. Relationships outside of your friends and family should be off limits. Do as you wish though it is unfortunate to have to learn the hard way. If you have had troubled relationships with males or your family contact a local therapist and someone will be willing to help you. I hope you understand what I am saying to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006): i too am "in love " with an older guy. i am 16 and he is 26. in my case we know each other very well and have spent much time together. we are very close friends. i found myself always thinking about him, always talking about him, and crying myself to sleep because i believed there was no way a 26 yr. could care for a 16 yr. old the way i cared for him. but one night i got up the courage to tell him how i feel, and you know what HE LIKES ME BACK! but i am still 16 and you are still 15 so you can not even think about having a relationship until you are 18 because IT"S THE LAW! and i don't thin that you would want the man you "love" to risk his freedom for someone he barely knows. so if you think he feels the same way work up the courage to tell but keep in mind that nothing can happen until you LEGAL!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2006): You should not express your feeling to this man as at such a young age you can be viewed as extremley vunerable by somwe older men, who may take advantage of you and manipulate you if you give it a bit of time you may realise your feelings are just lust and you will soon get over him and move on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2006): I've been in that situation several times since I was very young. I'm not that young anymore, but older men keep falling in love with me and I am with them sometimes, some even proposed. This can happen, and there is nothing wrong with that. The problem is that you are still too young, and this is wrong by the law. I do not like men my age because many times they are not mature. My only advice is that when you grow up a bit and feel the same about older men, and feel that they are not using you, go ahead. Some may say that this is crazy, but there is no craziness if you feel older than your peers. Only make sure you do not make a mistake and do whatever is for your own advantage.
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female
reader, InAgOnY4yOu +, writes (10 September 2005):
Though it may feel to you that you are in love with this 43 year old man it cannot be said that you are actually 'in love' with him and that this is a very strong feeling to beleive you have with this man if you say you do not know him well.
As we all know there is love and Crushes it could be simply that the feelings you have for this older man are simply a 'crush'.
You say this man is nice and kind and this may be the case but how well do you really know him?
this man could be any body and could have a past of which your unknown of, its easy to appear kind and nice but there could be more to this man that could end up leaving you in a dangerous situation.
You are a 15 yr old girl, there is a huge differnce between the mind of a 15yr old girl and the mind of a 43 yr old man! i advise to you that you simply have fun being your age and going out with your mates to meet people in your own age group it may be that you even find a boy who you like and who you will have less problems being with. i hope this has helped and you don't make any silly decisions and get hurt.
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (6 September 2005):
 Putting aside the immense gulf in age, I'd say that if you don't really know this man all that well, the chances are pretty slim that you're really in love. Real love requires a deep knowledge of one another, gained mutually and over a long period of time.
It does sound like you're infatuated with this guy—maybe a little attached, or even obsessed.
It's easy to fall for someone who's nice and kind when niceness and kindness is something you're in need of. And it's easy to mistake it for love when you haven't had a lot of experience. (And I'm glad you haven't had a lot of experience, at your age!)
Instead of giving your time to moon over this guy, try getting involved in some activities that interest you, or meeting some new friends your own age. My guess is that if you can start taking care of your own very human need for kindness, your interest in this older man will die off naturally.
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female
reader, daniella +, writes (5 September 2005):
its just a teenage stage hes a fully grown man you may think you love him but think about it hes not going to want to be with you in a relationship is he i mean hes oldenough to be your dad. You need to get over him and look for someone thats more your age and that you can see a future with.
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female
reader, jaime +, writes (5 September 2005):
age can somtimes be difficult, but are you sure you actully love him, love is a very strong word and if you dont know him well you may just be attracted to him, but if your sure its love, talk to your parents about it or somone you know well, but if hes in a relationship, stay well away because you dont want to get in the way of that, maybe you should find someone your own age, i cant tell you exactly what to do because love is so complicated, but whatever you decide to do, think about it fully before anything happens
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