A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 married 7 years and have a child! I haven't been happy for a very long time but kept in marriage for security and for child sake! Recently at a Xmas do, I got very drunk and made out with s work colleague! I then went home and brought home another colleague and made out with him too! I don't fancy any of them but I am really enjoying the attention I'm given and the naughty calls and texts! We are all married with kids and I know it's awkward been at work but what do I do?
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female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (20 December 2012):
 HI
You may well be Head f***ed BUT you are going through a testing period of your life. You new your husband was in the army so you chose that life to lead. He is bound to have seen some awful things whilst working in the army I know both my brothers are in the army quite high ranked too. My sister in-law hardly see's him from one month to the next but she still manages to get by without the need to stray! You say your husband can be selfish yet so are you if you can sleep with someone else behind his back rather than leave him because of the finnaces and security. Sorry to say this but you may aswell become an escort for it is the same thing is it not? I would rather be alone, skint, and start again than use a man for my own security blanket. Bottom line is either end it or get a divorce. and it really IS as simple as that!
Mandy x
A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (20 December 2012):
 Your 'head-fucked' because your caught between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, your miserable in your marriage, on the other hand your too scared of the consequences of leaving to do anything meaningful about it, ie, except the marriage is over, which it actually is. So, you really cant win. Except that your taking a course of action that will eventually lead to that end anyway. Nothing you have said here indicates this marriage has a future nor indicates your particularly bothered about that fact apart from the point of view of materialistic concerns. This will happen, its inevitable, the sooner you embrace that....the happier you will be
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am a very good mum, my husband is in the army, he can be selfish and I don't get any sexual pleasure from him! I've tried hinting hoping he will do it as I haven't got the heart but we always seem to say we will sort it! I'm scared of been single and on my own with my child! Especially financially! The colleague I slept with said he wants to carry on seeing each other and I feel sick and shy when at work when he's next to me but I know we don't fancy each other I think it's just we are lacking any pleasure or even getting attention at home! I do regret it but I can't stop thinking of meeting up next! Completely head fucked!
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (18 December 2012):
This sounds like a synopsis for the book "How to both destroy your career and torpedo your marriage in one easy step!"
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (18 December 2012):
HI
You STOP what your doing right now before someone or ( all ) of you end up getting hurt. Try spicing up your marriage again, maybe talk with your husband and tell him how you are feeling. How would you feel if you found out your husband was doing what you and your collegues are doing right now? it hurts right? If you are that unhappy in your marriage sticking with him for the sake of your child and security is only going to end in disaster. Stay away from any more work partys or places you know when your going to be vunerable. Maybe concider family counciling or a marriage councellor before making any rash decisions. In marriages we all go through the stale stage of everyday habbits , and forget what we fell inlove with that person for. Especially when you have children, bills to pay, etc etc.....Try to rememeber what it was that you fell inlove with instead of pushing him further away by getting attention elsewhere.
Mandy x
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A
male
reader, Darrell Goodliffe +, writes (17 December 2012):
I think you need to start from the top. Why are you unhappy in your marriage? From what your saying here, I mean in regards to enjoying the attention id summise you feeling your not getting the attention you need from your husband, your therefore seeking it elsewhere. You say you dont fancy them and that they are all married with kids, in some ways this is a 'safe' way of doing it, in that if they were single theyd be likely to seek more from you at some stage, which because I think you still have feelings for your husband you wouldnt be able to give them. As they are married they are most likely doing the same thing, looking for a little something they are not getting from their partner but nothing more.
Therefore the answer to your question is to sort out the problem with your marriage because it does sound solvable. Its something you need to do as a matter of urgency though because if you carry on being unhappy and this pattern of behaviour the simple truth is you will soon find yourself going that one step further than wrecking the marriage.
If you cant solve the problems then you need to consider very seriously a break-up. Neither of the reasons you give for staying are frankly good enough ones. If your unhappy, you will eventually wreck the security you have through your own actions as your starting to do, and your child will be miserable because to imagine children dont notice parental unhappiness is wrong in my eyes. More than likely your kid can see your unhappy is already starting to blame themselves, which means in the wrong run, 'staying for the children' ends up being just as counterproductive and can do more harm than good. It may sound selfless and noble to stay in an unhappy relationship for the sake of the kids, but at the end of the day, as they say, the road to hell is paved with good intentions...
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A
male
reader, Byron Temple  +, writes (17 December 2012):
Try letting your husband go, so you can pursue your dreams. He does not deserve the disrespect.
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