A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I need help I keep calling my Ex and I think he knows.I broke up with him about a year ago, any normal person would prob get over their EX. I guess that I never had closure at all, he broke up with me through a text/phone call. I asked him for a reason and he said that our relationship was all about fighting and that he was tired. The only thing is that i think he cheated on me and that he never had the balls to man up to his cause. After a few months of breaking up he ended up changing alot (his apperance and his way of spaek), I went through some really rough health problems and that is when the private calling began. I knew him for about 3 years and I was so vulnerable that I needed to at least hear his voice.. but now after almost a year why do i still call? and why do i still feel the need to hear from him? I think that I have a huge probem because I cant stop calling or checking his myspace..and the worse thing is that i think he knows that i call..I feel just terrible and i just don't know how to stop calling and how to move on !!! HELP
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female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (20 March 2009):
 yeah hun this is not good or healthy at all you need to move on delete his number off dialled numbers off your phone book so you have no way of calling him.as for his myspace maybe you should delete him off your friends there as well it's not getting you anywhere.you maybe obsessing to ring him and stuff to find out why he ended it with you?and probably checking his myspace because maybe your paranoid that he will be telling people you're calling him and won't leave him alone and to see whether he has moved on himself.i'm sure he has so maybe it's time to leave it to rest now you're not helping yourself at all.Good luck hun!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): What you have developed here is nothing but a habit.
A habit is a behavioral pattern that is repeated over and over almost automatically without thinking.
The way to break a habit is to substitute something for it, you have to put yourself on a plan and stick to it.
Everytime you get on your computer and want to go to MySpace to check his page, get up and go do an excercise like 10 situps or take a walk outside.....or pick up the phone and call a designated buddy to talk you through it....and your desire to check will go away.
Same thing with dialing his phone number....delete it first of all from your phone so you can't automatically dial. But the next time you start to do that, mentally say STOP, and put the phone down and walk away from it....and do your substitute behavior, like maybe play a computer game that you like.
You can BEHAVE your way out of this.....and over time this habit will go away and you will feel better.
It can take about a year or longer to completely get over an ex if he was important to you....so don't beat yourself up over it...just get busy helping yourself out of this destructive habit....it isn't good for you....and you know this logically, but because it is a behavioral habit, you are simply having trouble breaking it.....you aren't crazy, just a bit compulsive and that is common in people...it means you are smart and are trying to adapt, but are not suceeding.
Some surgeons are a little OCD, I would want my surgeon to be very focused and be able to do a surgery in his sleep almost because he can do a repetitive act almost without thinking....this is sort of a compulsion too...
So don't be hard on yourself for your "problem", just manage it, OK?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): You have to stop calling him and checking his myspace. He knows it's you calling so you're making a fool out of yourself. He might also know you're checking his myspace. You have to stop yourself from doing it coz continuing to do so is only delaying getting over him. The more you do it the more you stay in your mind. You have to force yourself to stop, if you don't, you're just wasting your time.
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A
female
reader, sugar_sugar +, writes (20 March 2009):
 Firstly, the reason your ex cites as his reason for wanting to break up seems perfectly valid to me. Unless you have some other reason for suspecting he cheated, I see no reason to question his explanation.
I think post break up a lot of people change. Instead of pining, sometimes a change (even a shallow, physical change) can provide a little bit of hope that things are going to get better.
I think you need to speak to someone, about the problems that have triggered your feelings of vulnerability, and your feelings about your ex.
Continuing to check his myspace and call his phone keeps him in your life, but not in any real or healthy way. This obsessive habitual checking in on him is only going to reveal things you might now want to see or hear.
I'm sure you know his number off by heart by now, but you need to look at blocking yourself from calling it, STOP checking his myspace. These things specifically are very damaging, and while you continue to hang onto him through those mediums you will never get over him.
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