A
female
age
36-40,
*essbelle
writes:I am reposting w/more recent info in hopes of getting an answer.No replies last time. I broke off my engagement but I am having second thoughts after seeing him again.?After a terrible month of really bad communication and him blowing up and disrespecting me and my family in anger, I broke off my engagement. I still loved him, but no matter what I did, I could not make him see that I was feeling unwanted and not worth his time. This is the way he is when he is angry or hurt, but it goes on for days. We have talked off and on because we are both hurting after being together for 7 years. I talk and take responsibility for my part and all I was getting was silence or him sayng he never wanted this, so it is all my fault. Finally, this past weekend we went to dinner. He brought flowers and we had a really good time just catching up and not talking about all the problems. We went out the next two nights. We kissed and a bit more and I wish so much that we could fix this. Since the break up I have taken a job 2 hours away which to me doesn't seem like very far. He sees it as a huge problem that I would take a job without talking it over with him (we were split...I had taken off the ring and I needed a job). The last night before I went back to my city, he cried and told me how much he loved me and how he would do anything to work it out with me, but he thought not living in the same town would be a problem. I would really like to try again, but I told him I can't put the ring back on until we really work things out. Back to work and he is really inconsistent. I know he is hurting and angry and that I am the one who did the breaking up, but I did it for a reason. He tells me that my moving two hours away screwed everything up and it is inconvenient for him to come to the city. He says if we were engaged, he would feel differently. I thought since the train goes from his town to my city that we could see each other every wknd. What is going on here?? Is he just lazy, confused, afraid.... all of these? Do we have a chance?
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female
reader, jessbelle +, writes (28 September 2010):
jessbelle is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone. I appreciate your insight and willingness to share. You are right on about so much of this and have confirmed a lot of what I have been feeling.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): forget him!
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A
female
reader, MsVick +, writes (27 September 2010):
 I say walk away from him. Why is he blaming everything on you?? and how is being engaged to him going to make his commute to the city easier than if you weren't? Two hours is nothing. I see red flags all over this.
I know it hurts like hell after all these years (believe me I know I just broke up with my BF after 7 years). But you will find someone who is more compatible than this one.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): If he can work through his own problems, you might have a chance... But I'm not sure. He seems to only like blaming you for everything. He blames you for the breakup, he blames you for why you can't be together, etc. These are bad signs. It shows real immaturity and a lack of desire to grow. I mean if you can't grow within a relationship, it is doomed to failure. He doesn't want compromise, he wants it all his way. Bad signs...
You can try it out if he gets over himself and agrees to give it a go, but I think you'd be better off looking elsewhere I'm sorry to say..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): Do you have a chance? Yes! But if the engagement is this much work, how will the marriage be? You are using words like disrespect, hurt, unwanted, to desribe your relationship. You used the word Love only once to describe him. I think you have a potentially good relationship, it's just in a state of confusion because you two sound at different places in your life and not ready for commitment. Yu may get there, but I think you are focusing on you and your career and that is good. If he loves you...truly loves you, he will follow you, support you and be by your side in all your decisions and all you are. He will not feel threatened because he knows his love and your love together will conquer all. Right now, it is a weak love. Not enough to form th efoundation for a marriage...yet.
Good luck!
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