A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone, this is a little embarassing, but i have no one else to ask! Im in a relationship with an older guy, i lost my virginity to him, and i cant make him climax. Its so frustrating. He gets hard really quickly and says that im really good in bed, give great head etc, but even if ive spent an hour pleasuring him, he always has to finish himself off. im starting to get down about it, he says its always happened, does anyone have any tips?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey guys thanks for your advice, I will definately keep at it, and yes he always finishes himself off while im there, hopefully one day i'll make him come!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 If this has ALWAYS happened to him, he is suffering from Delayed Ejaculation. The causes are ( in a small percentage of cases ) physiological /neurological,so he should see a doctor to sort out this possibility - much more often they are psychological. Often it simply cames from excessive or dysfunctional masturbation patterns. If he has trained himself to climax with a strong grip and a very fast speed, that he can't reproduce during sex, he'll find intercourse under-stimulating. There are techniques and exercises to change that, that a sex therapist can teach him. Sex therapy has a very high rate of success for this kind of dysfunction. The UK Sexual Dysfunction Association has a fact sheet and articles about D.E- which you can consult on line.
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A
male
reader, macdubh712  +, writes (15 April 2011):
I think trancedrhythmear is correct, it is probably in his head. Once upon a time I had this issue. Not long after I let the pressure go I had my first orgasm during intercourse. This is where chigirl's advice comes in: be patient with him. It's all good.
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A
male
reader, Hugh.J +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Let him show you how he pleasures himself, if he hasn't already. Do you grip him firmly enough? You won't break it, you know!Try gripping a lot tighter than you have been, and pump faster and more fimly, especially as he is getting near the point of no return, paying more attention to his bell end if you can.Tell us how you got on.....
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (15 April 2011):
 Be patient with him and enjoy what you have, even if you can not make him climax. I am guessing all he needs is time, to get close to you, get used to you and your touch, and to feel loved and not pressured. Have you been able to climax with him? If not, picture how he feels about that, probably just the same.
Don't get down about it. Just give this time, be patient, and most importantly never show him you are down because of it! That would take away the pleasure of sex and make him feel guilty and horrible, making it even harder to reach climax with you.
Does he finish himself off right after sex, while you watch? If not, make that your goal for now. Also tell him it is ok if you are not able to get him there, that will take pressure off of his shoulders, make him relax, and be more likely to actually come by your hands alone.
Next step is that when he finishes himself you touch him at the same time, or have your hands moved by his hands and so on. Take it gradually. Do not pressure him. Give it time and be patient. And by time Im talking up to a year or more.
Do not get frustrated by this! Enjoy what you have together, and be satisfied with what you have.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2011): He's perhaps probably just used to stimulating himself prior to being with you and is still getting used to your nice touch. It could also be something psychological deeply rooted in him anything from pressure to anxiety could create that. Maybe he's making the goal of being intimate with you to climax? Or maybe you are and that is putting pressure on him to perform? Talk to him and Im sure youll find an honest answer. Good luck!
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