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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend always tells me that he knew from our first date that I was special and a keeper. I recently found out we had our first date, then he went out with another women the next day and had been chasing this women before and after we first met. She wasnt interested in him so weeks after our first date he got in touch with me and we atarted dating. He kept her number in the hope she would change her mind. He lost her number over time. We were going through phases of arguing with each other. When my boyfriend and I were internet shopping recently we came across his search history and he had been trying to find her online by typing her name into search engines. He denied it saying his phone must have searched itself. I am angry that he thinks I'm a complete idiot. What's wrong with him. He had me but still chases after somebody that's not interested in him. Our whole relationship feels like a lie. I cant help feeling second choice and he would rather be with her. I love him but i cant get the feeling of being second out of my head. It has tainted everything. Is it possible to move on from this?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (16 March 2017):
 Without sounding harsh yes it does sound like you are second choice am afraid. How long have you both been together? He should not still be thinking about the one that got away. Am sorry but to me that seems like you are not the one for him and he is settling with you.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2017): To be fair though, he might have searched her out of idle curiosity, rather than a desire to truly be with her. I know I have searched up exes out of curiosity and no more, and I'm pretty sure my bf has too. You don't know what was going through his mind when he was searching. And even if he did have a lingering attraction, again it might have been to take a peak but he wouldn't want to leave you.
I think you have to look at the overall picture here. Does he show you that YOU are his one and only? Your beginnings are tough to handle for sure, but he didn't know either of you at that point so he was just getting to know both of you. How do you know that he was hoping SHE would be the one to date him? I doubt very much that he told you this. He may have just been having dates with both of you and seeing which one the spark was ignited with. And it was you.
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A
female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (10 March 2017):
 This is so tainted it's colour is RED!
But you got to laugh at the pathetic excuse he pulled; "his phone must have searched itself" What a flimsy piece of BS that is. I'm sure you where not born yesterday to believe this.
Be that it was early days in dating you, his searching should have stopped after this woman rejected him... in that way you wouldn't be his second choice at all.
Perhaps now since his deception has been exposed, you can see he's really not "first choice" BF Husband material either?
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (10 March 2017):
 His phone must have "Searched itself"?!???!
REALLY??? Does he honestly think that you're THAT stupid??
Wiseowle says it correctly here - you are a bedwarmer. You are Ms. Right Now. You are the subject of the song "If you can't be with the one you love, honey, love the one you're with".
The only way you can "Move on" from this is to KICK HIM TO THE CURB! Would he accept some woman searching for an ex to find him while she was dating him? And the real insult was the "Phone must have searched itself" bullsh&t.
I had dated another guy once or twice when I met the guy who ultimately became my husband. For a couple of weeks, I saw both of them (didn't get physical with either of them), but it became clear that I was really liking one over the other, so I stopped seeing the other guy. I didn't search for him afterward, and it was all about the guy I was with, who was my ultimate choice.
Your boyfriend was okay to date more than one person at first when he met you, but continuing to search for her even now is cheating and unfaithful, and insulting you with such a stupid lie is adding insult to injury.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (10 March 2017):
 His phone searched for this woman who didn't want him ALL by itself? My my, he must have some very advanced AI phone far ahead of its time.....
/sarcasm off.
Seriously OP, WHY do you stay? The reason he calls you a Keeper is because you have (so far) put up with his philandering bullshit. No one can tell by the first date if someone is a Keeper. But it SURE sounds good and it makes people feel special... Talk is cheap. LOOK at his actions.
You ask what is wrong with him, but really OP you should ask WHAT is wrong with me? Why do I stay with a guy who HAS ME as a partner but is STILL looking for someone else?!
Come on, OP you can do SO much better than this!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  +, writes (10 March 2017):
 Well, it's probably "possible", but why would you want to? Do you think you are not worth more than being this man's Plan B?
The fact that he dated someone else the day after your first date is not important. You were not in a proper relationship at the time. The fact that he has recently been trying to find this woman again IS significant and important.
In your shoes I would wish him luck and leave him to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2017): How and why do you love him? What's he doing to deserve it?
He's searching for someone else, and just using you as a place-holder and bed-warmer until he finds her. You're baby-sitting until he finds his true love.
Girlfriend, get a grip on this! You don't cling to anyone who makes you feel like you'll do until he finds something better. You're selling yourself short.
Put on you big-girl panties and make a decision. Are you going to hang-on until he finds her and gives you the boot? Or even worse, cheat on you until he finds some female he likes better.
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