A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes: Yesterday my husband came very late from work, and he had been drinking and his penis smelled like condoms!, Earlier he called me from work and said hey! I want to take you to the mall and didn't say for what reason, he wanted it to be a surprise , the he said he wanted to buy me stuff that I like. I said I can't cause our daughter is sick. When I called back to his workplace, he had left work 20 minutes earlier and since he doesn't have a phone I couldn't talk to him and was waiting for Hours ! He usually comes home 2 hours after leaving work but he says its the time it takes to get home, other days he's been late and blames it on the rain, sudden traffic, and so on. I was panicking because he was missing for almost 6 hours and didn't call me till he came home at 22:30 pm and he said he was out with his colleagues (all male) drinking. He said they where drinking beers but he smelt of cigarettes and other cocktails or other alcoholic drink. He wanted to take a shower then he took my cellphone and while I was with the baby he went outside to talk with someone for 15 minutes , when I checked on him inmediatly he hung up and said "what? You don't trust me? I'm talking to my aunt" and showed me her number contact on the phone, that was really really weird since he hung up before I could hear a word.. She runs the place where he works, he said he was telling her he is going to quit. He seemed a little bit drunk and he was chewing gum for his scent. he laid down with me and forgot to shower. He was all smily and funny and saying cute things to me. Then I said where have you been? he said "with three colleagues they where bullying me because I didn't want to go drink they told me they would not be nice to me if I don't go and so I had no choice but to go and they didn't have money on the phone to call you and they were telling me not to call." The he added he had been waiting 2 hours for a woman we know to pay him some cash he was going to lend to one of them. I said I'm going to smell your dick and he was ok with it but he was kinda laughing and saying that I'm being funny and acting crazy, I was kind of being silly until I smelt strong smell of condom or lube that was stronger at the base of his penis and it was unmistakeable condom smell so I was disgusted inmeadly because we never use condoms or lube. I just couldn't help but feel sick to my stomach knowing he had a condom on before coming home and the dick was clean and had a slippery rubbery texture and just the tip had a fishy smell. I almost cried and started panicking in ny head because I was certain of this smell when normally his dick smells like pee and salty but this time it was clean!? And I can almost tell the brand of condom by the smell, it was so obvious!! I was just about to confront him right away but I took a deep breath and decided it's not the most intelligent thing to do since he will cover up further evidence. He also had come home with his work uniform on which he always takes off because he takes other shirt with him and threw the shirt that smelled like cigarettes to the dirty laundry... then his dick didn't go hard when I started to smell it and touch it and normally it does just from me touching it but this time nope! And he wasn't trying anything sexual like he always does, this time not and he was just laying there on his side laughing and said" oh I miss your blowjobs , are you giving me one?" but the dick was off... We Have sex everyday but I was sick and we didn't do it yesterday and I didn't perform bjs for a week. I asked a lot of questions but his answers were short like he didn't wanna talk about his night out and said they only hanged since 20pm when he went back to the workplace and met the colleagues. This all leaves me heartbroken please Help me what can I do how can I get him to tell me the truth of what he did we have 2 little children and I am very young I don't want to go through a cheating story and we seem so in love with eachother but you never know I would never suspect anything fron him if it wasn't for the condom smell now I am a hundred percent sure he had sex with a woman or could even be a man! And I told him let me smell again and I said you smell good! And he was a little bit nervous and said "what does it smell like?" "What do you smell? Dirty dick?" But well, oviously not the case! I started to give him a bj and the tip had a fishy odor, it was softer than normal and the balls where really soft. He was more aroused than normal and wanted to fuck so badly we started but then the baby cried and it's the first time he fell asleep without going through with the bj or sex, normally he waits even if he's tired. And all night I was sad and he was being overly nice to me like he's been all week , and also telling me "something's wrong?" "What are you thinking?" " are you mad at me?" "Or is it the kids?" "Are you mad because of me or your just stressed?" "Are you just stressed about the kids?" See what I'm talking about? I see some self consciousness..... I need you to help me on how can I catch him or make him confess. Please save me from this cheater and his lies what can I do!?
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alcoholic, blow-job, condom, drunk, heartbroken, money, text, workplace Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt's been 9 days and guess what ? 2 days ago I got a nasty infection which seems to be an std...... I spoke to my doctor and I´m getting exams done next week. I have never had something like this! I don´t wanna blame it on him but could it be related to him cheating?... hmmm.... What should I do?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2017): Ok, I think you know what is best for you to do at this time. You have a little baby to think of after all. So if you want to stay, or even stay for now, do what feels right. After all you don't know for sure.
I think though if this happens again you will have some serious questions to ask of yourself...
finally wondering...he was diagnosed with herpes recently? Forgive me for asking, but doesn't that suggest that he has had other partners recently? Usually a recent infection is the cause of the first outbreak (comes out in a few weeks to a month). And I would really not trust a man who lied and made up a false negative on a herpes test..he is the father of your child, how could he lie about that?
Best of luck. I know you are going to do the right thing FOR YOU, right now, which you should. Just keep an eye on him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much; Anonymous123 and all anonymous who gave me your advice. It was helpful also to get advice from the point of view from men. I confronted him but only asked him to tell me the truth about what he really did that night ,he was defensive and said I was making a big deal out of nothing. I wish he could just open up so we can move on from this but I've made the decision to move on alone from this problem. I know for sure he had a condom on before so he probably had sex, but that really is his business what he decides to do or not with his body and mind; I couldn't change it and won't be able to change it, if he decided to cheat it was his decision alone, I have no more evidence to confront him and I don't even wanna know. I hope he just made a mistake and nothing more serious, because sentimental betrayal would be worst than just casual sex. It was causing me so much negativity to think about what could have happened so I leave it on him and his own consciousness. I do love him so I'm willing to forget if he failed, because he is My man after all. And So I shouldn't care about other women trying to get in my way, but I will always keep
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 March 2017):
 OP, you are way too young. You're too young to be married, to have two children and to live a life where you doubt you're husband to the extent that you have to sniff his penis to know whether he's cheating or not. This is not normal and it's not right either. It's not right to you, it's not right to him and it's not right to your children.
If you doubt him so much then I honestly don't know how many years this marriage is going to last. You have say 50 years of married life ahead of you, are you always going to be doing this whenever you feel a problem? And why is there mistrust to this extent? Even if you know today that he hasn't cheated, this is not an isolated incident. This will happen again and again, in different forms. You're feeling different parts of his anatomy to try and figure out what's different! No OP, this isn't normal.
You need to have a very serious talk with your husband and you need counselling. Both of you need to figure out where to go from here.
Why doesn't he have a phone with him? Who in today's day and age doesn't carry a phone? And yet you say he has social media accounts. This means he isn't cut off from technology and is internet savvy. Why then doesn't he have a phone?
Also, why don't you have a job? Is it because you need to stay at home to take care of the kids? If that's the case then it's fine but please start working as soon as the kids are off to school. Remember, an idle mind is the devil's workshop. You need to be occupied productively. You seem to be educated and intelligent from the way you write. I just re-read your follow up to see that you're a make-up artist. I hope you start working soon.
Keep us updated
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): I also agree that condomes do have a disinctive smell so the OP is quite right in that aspect.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): If things have got to the point where you lack in trust so much that you are contemplating tracking devices and phone hacks (all illegal unless you are a cop and there are strict rules regarding governmental permission to use these things... I mean, more than a few Politicians have gone down for bugging people.)... then the relationship, such as you can call it one, is already over no matter if he is cheating or not.
Going through internet history, messages and hiring PIs is already a massive breach of privacy and you don't do that if there is even a smidgeon of trust there and without trust, there is never a relationship.
You should break up with him and move on as it's not healthy to either of younto drag this on.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): Hire a private detective. "His work is really far"-- either have the detective OR you suck it up, find a nanny for the kids and drive to his work. Check all his social media and search history. Ask his friends for the real story of that night (pretend like you already know) and see what they say. Check into that woman he was supposed to meet to get the cash- who is she? what is her name? what is on her facebook?Do as much digging as you can because I bet you will find out... unless it was truly just a one night stand with a random woman at the bar, then there might be little evidence of it. In that case you will have to have a breakdown, confront him and STAND STRONG, tell him you know...don't accept his excuses, tell him "who was it", tell him you need to know the truth first before you know if you can make this work or forgive...(even if you don't plan on forgiving him say this to trick him into confessing...) Just try to pound him on every side until he confesses. Because I'm pretty sure from your details that he has cheated. Can you check his cell record to see who the person he was talking to that night REALLY was? THere are reverse phone lookup services online, that could give a name and address. Best of luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): You are not crazy OP.
You are right!
Trust your gut feeling. AND the red flags you have been seeing. The only way to catch him is by GPS tracking his car and installing spyware on his phone.
The only way you will catch
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2017): I disagree with the last poster.
He said he was coming home and then disappeared for the next 6 hours. Of course you were suspicious and wondered what was going on. He lied to you right then and there.
Plus he was meeting a woman for cash...kind of strange in the first place.
Ok, the smelling thing isn't exactly common, BUT condoms have a really distinctive smell, maybe other people just haven't noticed that, so I know exactly what you mean.
Update us on if you catch him or if you resolve this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFor anonymous 123 , thank you for your time ans advice. I know it sounds crazy but it's not. The mind can play tricks on us but I never came up with the idea that it can smell like a condom until I smelled it myself. I have never heard anyone tell me something like this but I came up with the idea because my ex used to tell me this story of a friend who always smelled her boyfriend's penis to see if he had been cheating, and one day it smelled like a vagina and they broke up forever because he had totally been with another woman. So I also thought the idea was crazy and the girl was nuts so I joked on my husband and said let me smell your dick ! And we were laughing he said I was being silly and it was all jokes and smiles but I smelt the f* condom!! Yes it's a new detective level , but it's really valid , I try to have the most valid evidence I searched for lipstick marks on his clothes, nothing, semen stains on boxers, two little stains on the outside that could be other stuff but what can it be? See I really have an investigation going on here. He came with a strong scent of something like incense or flowers but he said it was the new air freshener at work. And he's had three different scents on his clothes that I remember . No I'm not crazy neither I am Jean Baptiste - Grenouille , I don't have olfactive hallucinations !! I am being serious and I try to convince myself it's nothing but how on earth can he smell like condoms after a night out with the boys that he shares no friendship with, if he didn't have sex? Can he be gay? See, here I'm not jumping to conclusions, I'm making a hypothesis. It would not be possible if the circumstances of him not calling and showing up so late and speaking on the phone behind my back were not there. But everything falls into place. He was also super sweet to me all week saying "thank you for being by my side thank you for being my wife , you are are such a beautiful woman! you are the best, you deserve the best!" And the night before the late nigh out he told me he was feeling bad because he did not fill my expectations or His and that he is " a mediocre" I really know what I smelt and I know even what condom brand it it so maybe I'm going to purchase some to smell them and confirm what my crazy nose made me think of.
What other ways can I spy on him because his work is really far and I have two little children , he has no phone and I have access to all his social media so I never even considered the chance of him cheating but he is shadier than what I thought.
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reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (11 March 2017):
I'm at a loss for words. All these years on DC and yet never have I read something like this!
You were smelling your husband's penis? How did you even *think* of doing this? How did this even occur to you? And then you suspect that you smelled condoms on him... Boy oh boy you must have a REALLY sharp sense of smell and a really REALLY fertile mind to even come up with this level of being a detective!!
All I can say is that, you're very young and are married with three kids, an overactive imagination and a husband who you share a (for the lack of a better term) bizarre relationship with. You are either highly insecure or just really good at assuming the worst through the wackiest of ways ever possible!
Can't really advise you other than tell you to just ask your husband straight away about whatever's going on. Tell him everything that you've told us. I'm really not sure how he or anyone who's in his place would respond but then I'm sure he knows you and this can't be the first time you've sounded this way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Intrigued3000, AngelsR4eva, Youcannotbeserious, Anonymous and Anonymous for your answers , I'm going through a lot and I really appreciate your advice . Thank you all and blessings for you.See, my dear beloved husband who I love more than anything has put me through the hardest times in my life ; I can't see why he would do this and I will tell you more but first I want to clear up what happened the day after this. he woke up feeling really bad overall and It can be the hungover but how bad can 4 beers affect a 24 year old male? Hmm... he was like , really sad and saying his head hurts and telling me" is everything ok between us?" "Are we good" "are u mad ?" "Are you ok?" Because oviously my vibes where really strong since I was trying to cover up my feelings of anger and disbelief but I just couldn't hug or kiss him knowing we was fucking someone else ; it just makes me sick, and normally we are all over eachother... Please listen to me , I'm Not crazy , like you said I know for sure what I smelt ; I'm not joking when I tell you I can almost smell the brand of condoms; it's not hallucination . Everytime I have had suspicions of some kind of cheating in the past I've tried to convince myself that the red flags are just some sort of craziness or hallucination of mine, but hey I was joking when I said let me smell you, I never thought I would smell anyting... I thought we would laugh.... He thought he would never be caught, that he would never smell like condoms you know, it was clean, it was still rubbery , maybe he washed it very well but the base where the pubic hair are had a strong condom smell , I would have believed every single one of his excuses and lies if it wasn't for the condom. It's tough to see him being so cynical and careless and since our baby was just born how can he be such a b^^^^^d to go and cheat on me , I am really caring of him and my babies I take care of the house, help him with stuff.I am starting as a model I am good looking at least people tell me that , I take care of my looks I am not overweight I am skinny and I also work as a makeup artist, the only thing is I'm currently stuck at home taking care of the kids a newborn and he's working full time. That is the only reason I can think of , is it a good reason to cheat? I really can't believe it and I see some self consciousness in him because he's constantly looking away like he's got something in his head like he doesn't feel good enough, because he has a low self esteem... he's looking away feeling bad and when I ask him he says his head hurts. He asks me all the time if I am fine "is everything cool?" He bought me the stuff I wanted but it wasn't like that day that he called me he was excited. This day he was acting all strange and he says it's me but well, I try to act it cool because he won't confess so I won't ask without more evidence in my hands. But I can't smile or be super kissy and lovey dovey now it just won't come out. My heart has been broken once more since the last time when he didn't tell me he got a herpes exam and the result was positive! He was covering it up , he made a fake paper where the exam was negative and pretended that I eat his big fat lie like I am stupid . This happened recently and it was just awfull to test me and the baby but we are negative thanks to the universe. And he even says he never had unprotected sex.... that the herpes positive is an error !? Like seriously wtf man! I have found out about him having like 30 one night stands that I know of, but he claims he will never be the same since a wife is all he wanted but, can men be loyal? Because I'm starting to think for some men is totally fine having side chicks or just one night stands, like it's totally fine and normal for a man to do this, like, we know he f^^^ed but who?! The woman on his job are 3 woman who are not attractive at all, and are overweight (he don't like that) but what are the chances he only cares about sex and not the looks ? What are the chances he met some girl in the street and f^^^^d her right away?! It sounds crazy but is it even possible? What do you think? He's good looking could it be that his colleagues called some chicks or some hoes? He smelt like condoms ! He had his genitals really soft...Will he do this again if it was so easy to do this. He doesn't have a phone so there's no way he could arrange something with a girl... it should be some prostitute he found on the streets because it was a man's night out and he was drunk and also... he had just half ot the money he said he would buy me stuff with.Maybe he spent it on alcohol and a cab but he says he only took 4 beers! In that part od the city there are girls who fuck for 7 dollars . Ok see I'm sounding a little bit insane but it's my marriage that's messed up now and I don't know what to do I wish I could leave him but what about the kids? It's not about me anymore I don't have my family to support me and no income right now so I can't leave just like that with nowhere to go so I need to fix this problem . He seems remorseful, I try to act it up and forget and forgive but it just hurts me so much I can't put on the show very well like nothing's up. Advice will be highly appreciated , love and support to all of you!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Intrigued3000, AngelsR4eva, Youcannotbeserious, Anonymous and Anonymous for your answers , I'm going through a lot and I really appreciate your advice . Thank you all and blessings for you.
See, my dear beloved husband who I love more than anything has put me through the hardest times in my life ; I can't see why he would do this and I will tell you more but first I want to clear up what happened the day after this. he woke up feeling really bad overall and It can be the hungover but how bad can 4 beers affect a 24 year old male? Hmm... he was like , really sad and saying his head hurts and telling me" is everything ok between us?" "Are we good" "are u mad ?" "Are you ok?" Because oviously my vibes where really strong since I was trying to cover up my feelings of anger and disbelief but I just couldn't hug or kiss him knowing we was fucking someone else ; it just makes me sick, and normally we are all over eachother... Please listen to me , I'm Not crazy , like you said I know for sure what I smelt ; I'm not joking when I tell you I can almost smell the brand of condoms; it's not hallucination . Everytime I have had suspicions of some kind of cheating in the past I've tried to convince myself that the red flags are just some sort of craziness or hallucination of mine, but hey I was joking when I said let me smell you, I never thought I would smell anyting... I thought we would laugh.... He thought he would never be caught, that he would never smell like condoms you know, it was clean, it was still rubbery , maybe he washed it very well but the base where the pubic hair are had a strong condom smell , I would have believed every single one of his excuses and lies if it wasn't for the condom. It's tough to see him being so cynical and careless and since our baby was just born how can he be such a bastard to go and cheat on me , I am really caring of him and my babies I take care of the house, help him with stuff, I am starting as a model I am good looking at least people tell me that , I take care of my looks I am not overweight I am skinny and I also work as a makeup artist, the only thing is I'm currently stuck at home taking care of the kids a newborn and he's working full time. That is the only reason I can think of , is it a good reason to cheat? I really can't believe it and I see some self consciousness in him because he's constantly looking away like he's got something in his head like he doesn't feel good enough, because he has a low self esteem... he's looking away feeling bad and when I ask him he says his head hurts. He asks me all the time if I am fine "is everything cool?" He bought me the stuff I wanted but it wasn't like that day that he called me he was excited. This day he was acting all strange and he says it's me but well, I try to act it cool because he won't confess so I won't ask without more evidence in my hands. But I can't smile or be super kissy and lovey dovey now it just won't come out. My heart has been broken once more since the last time when he didn't tell me he got a herpes exam and the result was positive! He was covering it up , he made a fake paper where the exam was negative and pretended that I eat his big fat lie like I am stupid . This happened recently and it was just awfull to test me and the baby but we are negative thanks to the universe. And he even says he never had unprotected sex.... that the herpes positive is an error !? Like seriously wtf man! I have found out about him having like 30 one night stands that I know of, but he claims he will never be the same since a wife is all he wanted but, can men be loyal? Because I'm starting to think for some men is totally fine having side chicks or just one night stands, like it's totally fine and normal for a man to do this, like, we know he f*cked but who?! The woman on his job are 3 woman who are not attractive at all, and are overweight (he don't like that) but what are the chances he only cares about sex and not the looks ? What are the chances he met some girl in the street and f*cked her right away?! It sounds crazy but is it even possible? What do you think? He's good looking could it be that his colleagues called some chicks or some hoes? He smelt like condoms ! He had his genitals really soft...Will he do this again if it was so easy to do this. He doesn't have a phone so there's no way he could arrange something with a girl... it should be some prostitute he found on the streets because it was a man's night out and he was drunk and also... he had just half ot the money he said he would buy me stuff with. Maybe he spent it on alcohol and a cab but he says he only took 4 beers! In that part od the city there are girls who fuck for 7 dollars . Ok see I'm sounding a little bit insane but it's my marriage that's messed up now and I don't know what to do I wish I could leave him but what about the kids? It's not about me anymore I don't have my family to support me and no income right now so I can't leave just like that with nowhere to go so I need to fix this problem . He seems remorseful, I try to act it up and forget and forgive but it just hurts me so much I can't put on the show very well like nothing's up. Advice will be highky appreciated , love and support to all of you!
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (11 March 2017):
 If your instincts are telling you that your husband is cheating then most likely he is. The red flags are certainly there. He will never confess to cheating. The only way to find out for sure is to do some investigations yourself or if you can afford it, you can hire a private investigator. I went through this with my ex-husband, and it was devastating. He also treated me nicer than usual when he was feeling guilty. I know exactly what you are going through. An experience like this sucks the joy right out of you and will eventually affect your health. You need to be strong for your kids. Find out the truth and then make a decision that is best for you and the children.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2017): Clearly he will never confess so you simply have to spy on him to get more solid evidance. I think he has been to no good.
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female
reader, AngelsR4eva  +, writes (11 March 2017):
?? wow ..is one way of describing it.
You just need to realax and focus on your mind stability because suspiciouns can ruin this relationship as you dont have concrete evedence. I know you have this inkling but you really shouldnt be jumping in too conclusions.
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female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (11 March 2017):
 Wow! That has got to be one of the craziest things I have ever read. Smelling your husband's penis to check if he has cheated? I mean, REALLY?
In this day, are there still people who don't have a mobile phone of their own (unless they are young kids or elderly people)?
I am intrigued that you think you have such a keen sense of smell that you can even tell your husband has been drinking cocktails.
I really don't know what to suggest, except that you need to sit down and discuss all this with your husband - and perhaps find new ways of feeling loved that don't include constant sex?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2017): I believe that you smelt the condom smell on him. I don't care, others will say you are crazy, but condoms do have a distinctive scent to some of us, and if that's what you smelt fair and square that is what it was.
I don't know how you can get him to confess. You could try to look into his emails or google searches. Or you could just confront him and say, look, I know that you cheated. I smelt the condom (as strange as that sounds), and don't let him tell you otherwise. I have a feeling he will deny it and try to make it like your imagination ran wild. And by then you will only have the memory of the smell and will be second guessing yourself. But don't. It is a distinctive odor, and if he had it he had been using condoms. And that means most likely having sex.
So two choices, go undercover for more evidence so that he HAS to confess when you confront him, or just confront him now.
p.s. once a day?! you must have very high sex drives.
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