A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm 32 years old and recently divorced 11 months ago after a 3 year marriage. My ex left me after we were trying to have a child, she couldn't get pregnant and after numerous tests it came back that I'm sterile and unable to father a child, she wants kids of her own so she thought it best to find someone who could. I can't say that I blame her as I understand her goals, I became quite depressed with all this as I always wanted kids and to be the dad my own father never was to me, I guess maybe I didn't realize how much so until after finding all this out.Now moving forward and starting to date again is tough, I've tried dating a few single moms but there seems to be alot of drama assiociated with the ex's of their children, I'd like to at least be a positive male role model and its not so much as being the 3rd wheel but I don't want to be treated like the spare tire either. Ideally I'd like to find that special person to connect with that has a child or 2 but the dad isn't in the picture. People have told me that that is shallow and unrealistic.....Is it??
View related questions:
depressed, divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2011): Since your criteria are so specific, you should probably use a matchmaking service. Otherwise it's like trying to find a needle in a haystack, and then hope that it's the right one.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): i wouldnt say its shallow but it is unrealisti , and im sorry bout your broken marrage and it must of been hard to of let her go and if i was ur wife i wouldnt of broken up coz u cant have kidz , coz theres more than one route . you could meet sumone and maybe adopt . i kno im 13 and dont understand very well but just trying to help a bit. :) RED LIPZ XX
...............................
A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (23 January 2011):
 It is shallow and highly unrealistic for at the end of the day your just another joe who's walked into their mother's life and in my point of view have no grounds to tell the children what to do so yes in that respect your a third whirl trying to dictate.
I find it suspect too whats the real reason why the wife left when in this day and age options such as IVF or adoption are highly plausible options if one partner is infertile.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011): There are a lot of men who arent in their children life so you stand a great chance.
...............................
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever +, writes (23 January 2011):
I'm sorry to hear that your ex-wife chose to leave you rather than explore adoption. I have to admit I never understood why it is so important for some (or many?) people to have their own DNA walking around, as opposed to bringing a new life into their family and sharing their love and nurturing regardless of whose genes they come from. Maybe my attitude comes from the fact that many of my immediate and extended family members have adopted children or were themselves adopted.It sounds like you know you really want "your own" child, i.e. to be the primary father to a child and to not have to share the role with another man. Is this correct? if so, then why not consider adoption, whether you are with a woman who already has kids, or not.... expand your criteria from "must look for a woman who has children but no ex in her life" to "look for a woman who's open to the idea of adopting a child"
...............................
A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (23 January 2011):
 You sound like a great guy! Personally, I don't think you are being unrealistic or shallow at all. You have a lot to offer a single woman with children. There are women who have been widowed, or have had children with deadbeat fathers... and these women would want nothing more than to find a man who will love them and adopt their children as their own.
I would also suggest you date women who are unable to have children as well... and wish to adopt. Personally, if I fell in love with a man who was sterile, it would not prevent me from marrying him. In addition to adoption, there are anonymous sperm donors who could donate their sperm. For this reason, you should date women without children as well. Just let them know your circumstances early on in the relationship, so you can discuss their thoughts on this option. Another suggestion I have is to look into online dating... that way you can get your story out there, and avoid wasting your time with women who have drama with exes.
There are plenty of women out there who are looking for a man just like you, so don't settle for less then what you deserve. Good luck!
...............................
|
