A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months and her past and what she has done haunts me and maked me want to throw up and call her a whore and leave her. I cant do this though the thought of not being with her hurts me and I know that I will never find another like her. We are both 18 and she is my first and only partner for anything ive ever done. She is also my first girlfrined but means the world to me. She has had 12 partners that she has had sex with all the way and only 3 are one time deals. She also has only been having sex for about 4 years and has spent the majority of that time in a relationship. What bothers me the most is how easy she was in all of her relationships and now when i think about stuff we do together I cant help but to think that I am just another relationship to her. She tells me im diffrent and mean the worl to her and that if she could she would take it all back. But regardless I cant get over what she has done in the past and in just a short time waiting only weeks into relationships to give it all up. I dont know how many guys she has done other stuff with outside of this but can imagine the number to be a whole lot higher. I just want help in overcoming this obstacle and getting on with our life. I love this girls more than I have anyone else and we have a 100% honest relaionship. Why do i feel sick and down all teh time when I have this great girl? How do i get over stuff she has done that cant be fixed? I also fear that if i break up with her because of this she will keep on doing as she did before, and though I broke up before with her I always wanted what was best for her, but she had sex with 4 guys in a span of 6 months 2 reguraly at seperate times. Her excuse is I just let it happen and its no big deal if it was wih someone who i had already done stuff with. Those excuses kill me, I hate my self for letting this go on and not being able to just get over what she used to do. I hate myself.
View related questions:
broke up, her ex, her past Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2011): If I were you I would let her go because she is highly sexually and she will always be having sex with other guys, it seems like sex is all she care about and once she gets use to you she will have sex with other guys, think about it, this girl is only 18 yrs old and been sleeping with different guys since 14 yrs old.
You are going to regret not leaving her, you are too young to start your life of with someone that has slept with every Dick and Harry, you will never be able to totally trust her and you really dont know if she's still sleeping around or not, I pray that she doesn't give you some type of transmitted disease.There are other nice girls out there and dont go falling in love right away, find out what she's all about before sex, get to know her.
God Bless You
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (9 February 2011):
It sounds as if you want her to change so you can dump her, without thinking she will have sex in the first date. It makes no sense and you don't have the right to ask her to change.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2011): This is the original poster.
Our 6 months was not a break we had broken up bevuase I was starting at school and didnt think that the distance would work so we decided to cut it off before we got deeper and deeper and enden up hurting each other. Over those 6 months she slept wiht an X almost a week or twoafter we broke up more than once and then another guy a month or so after. She then hooked up wiht another X as a one night stand and found a ew boyfriend who she had sex with after only 2 weeks ofknowing him and before they began dating. I feel like a trend for her is to just date and then go on. I know she loves me and I love her to but thinking of her as being the easy girl that "gives it up" hurts me so much and I know that if i was to break up with her I would still hurt to know that she would probally follow the same trend again. She sais she has changed but I find it hard to belive that someone can change 4 from being like that for 4 yrs to someone who is completly diffrent in just a month or so or even as she sais overnight.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): "Her excuse is I just let it happen and its no big deal if it was wih someone who i had already done stuff with"
This is a common feeling.
"She tells me im diffrent and mean the worl to her and that if she could she would take it all back."
Exactly what a lot of people feel when they meet someone that they really like, and shockingly find out that they don't have a past that is anything like theirs. It is a tremendous blow to a lot of women psychologically...because there is a perception, by men and women both, that women who have done a lot of stuff sexually are "not worth much" or "trash", which means the same thing.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU DO.
First off, do you love her? If you do, and she loves you, then you find a way to handle it all and figure out why all these things happen. Get some books on promiscuity and understanding the psychology of it.
Hey, my wife has had at least a hundred times as many sex partners as I've had...but...she's...with...me...
I may not have the biggest income, the biggest car, the biggest cock, the biggest ego, the biggest muscles, the biggest house, but I was the guy with the biggest heart and she found something with me that nobody else had ever had for her, and she figured out why she had so many sex partners after she met me and figured out what was missing in those other relationships.
So, if she's a good one, keep her, regardless of the past.
...............................
A
male
reader, Pyroshadow +, writes (4 February 2011):
Hey Brother,I feel you I really do. Really you have have pick, you can stay with her or leave her. I can tell you the feelings dont go away. Here is my post, I am still with the girl. We been together for almost 2 year now.http://www.dearcupid.org/question/how-to-get-over-her-promicuous-past-including.htmlThere some good advice from Yos and TTM.If you want to talk to someone who has been though it this and still struggles with it EVERYDAY I am here for ya.Yes EVERYDAY. It's not something that will go away. You need to be able to understand that deal with it. As much as we would like to blame the girl for how we feel, it an internal feeling and something you have deal with. She can help but it really is your problem. Well I am at work so I can not spare too much time right now, but feel free to message me and I will get you my personal email so we can more if you would like.Take care of yourself,Nik
...............................
A
male
reader, Capri2 +, writes (4 February 2011):
@Annalisa: Women always find hard to believe a man can suffer.Of course generalization is always a bad idea.@Anonymous male: You have two problems here. In the first place you have a moral conflict with the way your girlfriend behaves —sexually speaking. I mean, it's obvious that she consider sex something she can do with anyone (no matter whether she has feelings for the other person or not), and you don't.The other problem is you are obsessed with this whole thing. And you will have a hard time to letting this go.NOTE: I've been there before and went to websites like DC to ask for advice. Most people judged me as if I were doing it on purpose. Which, to tell you the truth, not only wasn't of any help to me, but made me feel much worse.The second problems, the obsession, is easier to heal but it's harder to deal with. You have to get professional help if you want to get rid of it quickly. In my own experience it started as something that bugged me and ended having panic attacks and sleeping no more than three hours a night.The first problem is the real problem. Because it's really very difficult to change your values. As for making you think morally different, and accepting how your girlfriend acted.Believe me, there is no use in telling you that it's her past. Because when you really love someone, you love the whole person (including the past). Her past is a fundamental part of her, and if you can't really take it, may be you should move on. For your own good and hers.And I want to underline this point: you are not forced to accept her past whatever it takes. Just like you can choose not to date a girl who has a past of delinquency, you can choose not to date a girl which sexual past you don't accept.That is what I think of cases like yours. But there is one more thing here. I think I didn't understand the part where she slept with four guys during six months. Was that during a break?
...............................
A
female
reader, ailemaaax  +, writes (4 February 2011):
I can't stop thinking that exactly what you just said is what my boyfriend used to go through. I have been with 6 men [including him], and 3 of those were flings -- I'm ashamed to say one of them even had a girlfriend. I was my boyfriends first though; first relationship and first sex.
When we had been together about 6-12 months, I know he used to get upset about the fact that I had been with other guys, and you could not believe how sorry I was that I hadn't waited, how many times I cried and wished that he had been my first, but I could never take what I had done back. This is probably how your girlfriend feels! Go easy on her. She was just doing what people do, and I'll bet she regrets it all a lot.
...............................
A
male
reader, faenon  +, writes (4 February 2011):
 Your being hypocritical on this young lady's past if all you can do is judge her by her past she shouldn't be with you if its sucha hang up we all make mistakes nobody is perfect she has openly admitted she regrets her past so why torture yourself and her over it that is being unfair to her if you cant be a man enough to get over her past and love her for who and how she is with you then you shouldnt be with her if your going to judge and have hangups on her past how did you meet her? Did you know she was like that with other guys?
Yesterday is History, Tomorrow a Mystery, Today is a Gift, Thats why it's called the Present don't allow her past to cause hangups with your relationship with her if you care for her.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011): Its because she is first love to you and she has shown more love than anyone in your life and you feel possessive with her and that is why you feel too much hurt but don't worry it happens with non-experience person, even I m going through such issue only thing is you should not feel so much attached to her [what I conclude with all such issue is, what God made the law for not to indulge with other person rather to wait till blessing from GOD, and we human being break his law by involving with other person, therefore we feel pain when somebody used our mate in that way, even we too use others property that way and their mate might go through the same pain. so everyone who are virgin need think this before falling in any relationship]
...............................
|
