A
male
age
36-40,
*ndy00
writes:Hi. I'm here tonight because I'm losing hope in love. I can't find it.I've been in 4 relationships in as many years. The first one was my first ever. It was long distance and lasted for 2 years. Since then, the longest relationship I've had lasted 3 months. Since I found myself single the first time, I haven't felt whole again until I had someone special in my life. But they're so rare. There are people that I know who have never been single for more than 2 months. Since the end of my first relationship, I have been single for 19 months. I feel so inferior to them. I'm losing belief that I'm a good catch, or that I'll ever find the right person. How pathetic is that when I'm only 20 years old?I have friends who atleast go out and find a girl now and again. It never happens for me. I haven't slept with anybody for 6 months. Just another long stretch of time that makes me feel pathetic.What do I have to do to find somebody decent? Somebody who'll love me? I'm so sick of hearing that I'm a nice, attractive guy and never having anything to show for it. Especially whenever there are so many jerks out there who get all the girls they want. I can't find love, what do I have to do in order for it to find me?
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male
reader, Gul Kaffeine  +, writes (30 July 2009):
Become an alcoholic to relieve any shyness in the future; or MOVE OUT OF TOWN
After going through the same thing and watching people kill themselves over the luck their city has given them relationship-wise ive decided to move. Just save your money and sell everything you own and go, a change of scenery would do you good.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): Im a 31 year old male.I've 2 brief relationships (one last 2 months and the other about 3 months).How sad is that?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Sorry to say then dude , but it doesn't sound like you are losing hope in love, or even looking for love. I think its better for you stay alone for the time being and figure out what you REALLY want and what is most IMPORTANT to you, else you will just go out there and add another stroke to the disappointment counter. There is no reason for you to be this desperate at all. If your reason is the people around you then you are crying for all the wrong reasons in your life.
You can change and meet someone....you can start by hitting the club scene and meeting ladies.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, B6  +, writes (18 June 2009):
I told u... i was single for 3 years b4 i meet my bf... he came when i wasn't looking n i actually didn't want a boyfriend but a... "friend" hahaha... don't worry... i know how it is feeling lonely and all... but really... relax... and enjoy u being single... =)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): 'Nobody else on this earth has to wait more than 3 months to meet a partner'...are you for real???
I know exactly how you feel. But you're not the only person in the world who has difficulty finding love/sex/romance, and your last post indicates that it's causing you a degree of agony that's way out of proportion. You need to get a grip on this before it drags you under.
When I read your testimony that 'I haven't slept with anyone for 6 months', my immediate reaction was 'what the f*** is he complaining about?' I am 34 and haven't had sex in more than a year. It isn't through lack of trying. I go out, I try to meet women, I work out, and I know full well I've a good personality and a lot to offer. But no-one's interested, and I've slowly come to the agonising conclusion that I'll never get laid again (unless I'm prepared to seriously lower my standards and deliberately go after unattractive girls - which would be a waste of time, as well as a horrible way to treat them).
But you're TWENTY! What's the worry? Millions of guys your age are still virgins, but you're not. You've already been in FOUR relationships...you can be certain that that's more than most guys your age. You may be 'in love with love' which can be mistaken for real love.
The point is, you DON'T need to be in a relationship to feel valued as a human being. You need to count your blessings, and focus on the good things in your life. What about your friends and family? Aren't you blessed to have them? Enjoy them, because they may not be around forever. Do you love sports? Music? Movies? Do they give you huge pleasure and enjoyment in your life? Is that not fantastic?
Believe me, I know it's painful being single, and tortuous never getting laid, but you have to focus on the positives. In terms of meeting women, you're clearly not unattractive if you've already been in four relationships. You might, however, be falling into a pit of melancholia tinged with desperation, which will damage your chances with women. You probably need to come across as more light-hearted than you have done on your two posts here!
Keep your spirits up. If you fundamentally feel good about yourself, and you keep a sense of humour, you can get through anything. And believe me, at some point life will put you through situations FAR more frightening and difficult than the one you're in now. Try being in your mid-thirties, with all your family gone, and so dentally hideous that no female will ever go near you!!!
I was in a similar situation at 20 to the one you're in now, and it took quite a lot of patience to get through it. The gloom lifted, and by the age of 22-23, I was experiencing reasonable success with women, some of whom I fell totally in love with (not the answer to all your problems, either!) I'm now back to square one (or worse, to be honest), but I've got some precious memories to hold on to. The point is, if you can't love yourself, you can't really expect anyone else to.
Stay cool, young man. You'll be OK. I hope it all works out.
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A
male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (18 June 2009):
Andy00 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I understand what everyones saying, but I've been hearing the same thing for what feel like forever: Be patient, it'll happen eventually, but I just feel so alone. Every other guy out there seems to have some success of some kind, and here I am in the middle of the night crying at my keyboard without any companionship.
I want a woman now!! I'm sick of waiting. Nobody else on this earth has to wait more than 3 months to meet a partner, so why is it taking forever for me to share in that success.
I need a partner. I can't go on like this.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Can i just say patience works.
I was single for nearly four years. Now i've found him.
I kept myself busy, uni, work life.
I know this won't help at the moment, but most girls at 20 aren't looking long term, there just after sex, sex an more sex. If you want long term wait a bit longer an she'll come to you. That's not to say sit at home but at least go out clubbin an practice talking to girls. Don't stick to your type either, if people say your a catch you are, an with your post - i agree. (this is one of the few places i have found were guys have feelings - or maybe ive been at uni too long). Anyway, good luck. Have fun, if you get too desprate about being single girls will stay clear. So seek help before you get depressed.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): Hey I'm 20 and have been single for over a year. I think we have a lot in common when it comes to love and relationships, except I've never been in a relationship for over a month. I guess you have more experience.Anyways, the only advice I can give is don't try too hard and don't worry too much about it. Keep looking for things to do that you enjoy and keep improving yourself in every way you can. Enjoy life and enjoy working to better yourself. Every time you start feeling a little lonely and emo, tell yourself now is the time to get busy. Tons of people in the world feel sad, lonely, and unloved. Sitting around feeling that way and analyzing pointless things like relationships will only make you the same as all the other miserable people.This site is a good place to vent emotional frustration. My advice to you is to not get addicted to and waste time on it. If you are going to uni or working, you are eventually going to run into women and things will happen naturally.If you really just want to have sex and meet lots of women, I know a guy that did that. All he did was lower his standards and had sex with a bunch of women. By doing that he built his confidence with women and was able to meet a bunch more girls.I think the real issue is most young girls (18-20) don't really want nice long term relationship guys. Most of them change a lot after a few years in college. Problem is a lot of them will have already banged a few jerks like my friend. The choice you have to make is whether you care more about falling in love, or having sex with young beautiful pure women. If the sex route is your thing, then you have to get busy!! If not, then just chill and watch some porn like most of us "nice guys" end up doing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): That's pretty much it. Love will find you when you least expect it. Don;t try too hard and don't push / force yourself. Don't change who you are, just be yourself and stay good. Sure enough, it will find you and hit you like a rock.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (16 June 2009):
 Sorry to break this to you, but anyone can get sex. They just have to lower their standards enough...which is exactly what most people do. So holding out until you find something actually worth the effort is called pride. Not inferiority. Just thought I would get that straight for you. As for love? God you are only twenty years old! I am twenty one and I am in the first actual relationship of my life. You're already ahead of me! Love is something you can't rush or anything like that. You definitely find it when you least expect it. And who says that love equates to happiness? In order to fully understand love, you have to love yourself. Or else you'll never be happy. This is the perfect time to just go out and have fun. Learn to enjoy it while single! You have the rest of your life to find that one person. Try to focus on a career so then you'll be already taking the appropriate steps toward being successful. Maybe along the way you'll meet someone. Good luck, and stop worrying about something that is out of your hands at the moment.
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A
female
reader, athenas +, writes (16 June 2009):
Hi im 20 as well and just like you i was single for a pretty long time(2 yrs) you know what i learned is that the more you look for it the more it takes to get to you. Be patient it will come i know your a nice guy otherwise you would be like other jerks that are trying to get into a girls pants i give you a 10 for that, cause you aint looking for sex. When that special girl comes to you, you can be secure cause its love baby! you didnt find it love found you that means your relationship is going to be good cause time gave her to you. In the meanwhile now that your single (like me) recently broke up with my bf enjoy being single go out with your friends catch a movie get into a sport that helps me, it keeps you busy go with a cousin or try to do things that are fun to you and when you least expect it that person will show up to your door. Good luck and be patient PEACE OUT!!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): I just wanna say thanks for posting this because I've been thinking the exact same thing for a couple of months now. Though I do get what the others are saying and have tried it, I have always felt I was lying some how because I would not look for love in order to find it/ find me. The only advice I can give is don't lose hope but don't make it your first priority either. There are other things to do and hopefully something will happen (I've only been single for about 4 months and I pray to god I'm not single for much longer). I keep getting told to be patient so it seems there's not much else to do except that.
Also, don't feel pathetic just because you've been single for so long. If people say your a good catch, ect, then you probably are and you should believe it. Hell I don't have people telling me that but I believe i'm a pretty decent catch but I want somebody who's going to want me. You should do the same, your friends relationships don't seem to not last for really long and it looks like you want something that does last. Don't just settle for less and be willing to go open up to people (most girls prefer the guy to make the first move). So best of luck and look forward to the time when you have exactly what you want.
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A
female
reader, lovexkiss +, writes (15 June 2009):
stop looking for love,love will find you when you least expect it!
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A
female
reader, B6 +, writes (15 June 2009):
Hi :) Well... u sound like u were 68 years old xD don't worry, just... don't look for it, i was single for almost three years and now i've got 8 months with my bf... he came right when i wasn't looking for love... and he always say to me that he was also loosing hope in love... that he was tired to look for it and wanted me just for fun (i want him for thatsame reason xD hahaha) and now.. well... it's the longes relationship i've ever had and his case is the same... and is also the most commited relationship we both have been in...
You know? just don't worry, you'll find the one... or the one will find you xD and don't let go opportunities either... if u see one, no matter if it's like almost not existing, go for it :)
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, QnsNotorious +, writes (15 June 2009):
 You cant do nothing to find love. you're not pathetic for being single for 19 months, but what will make you pathetic is trying to find love. You cant make love come to you. You just gotta be patient, i know people who have been single for years and they're the sexiest ones. Just relax, live life. Oh and sex aint everything sweetie. So just forget about the love life for now. Be yourself, try flirting with girls but dont act desperate cus that will just push the girl away. Who knows if you dont stress not having a girlfriend probably the one will come sooner than you think. But dont stress it, like you said you're only 20, you gots lots more to worry about.
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