A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I'm a 19 year old gay male. I'm still closeted to all but one person and guess what? I've got the perennial gay problem -- I like someone and I don't know if they're gay or not. I know that this is asked a lot, but I'm looking to see what other people think before I try to take my relationship with this person any farther.I'm attempting to take this slowly and cautiously as I'm new to the gay dating scene (and have been burned before). Anyway, there's a few things that make me think that he may be gay, there's also a few things that make me think he may not be.He and I met through our French class, we both tripped on our way into the class and we both laughed it off. From there we kind of clicked or...I felt like we clicked. We got each others emails and phone numbers and just started to talk.Our conversations have always seemed to focus on our mutual interests. There's no way for me to describe this other than that I've never had such a deep conversation about who I am, with someone I've just met. After the first time we grabbed lunch together, as I was leaving I turned back to look at him, and he had done the same. He was looking at me. I about crapped my pants, I had an instant smile on my face.He and I haven't ever brought up relationships to each other...at all. We don't talk about girls to each other, we don't talk about ex's, nothing. I looked on his Facebook and he's part of group that wants to repeal the California gay marriage ban. I've tried to watch him to see if checks girls out, nada. His mannerisms are similar to many gay people I know and his gestures are loose. (I know...they're stereotypes. I'm gay and I don't fit the gay mannerism/gesture stereotype.)He's not extremely social, he made that pretty clear through our conversations, he said he doesn't like to hang out with people. I've asked him out to eat several times, "hey you want to grab lunch" or "you want to go for dinner" and he's accepted each time and he even came to a party at my place even though "it's not his scene". When I invited him he made some sort of "you're going to ruffee me aren't you?" joke. I thought it was odd. Every single time, I mean EVERY SINGLE TIME, that we go to say goodbye there is this awkward pause. It feels like we have so much more to say to each other, like neither one of us wants to say goodbye.I haven't made any attempt to hide my homosexuality. I'd say I've actually dialed it to kind of show my interest. If he asked, I'd tell him.What makes me think that he may not be gay is that he's made a few "what a queer" kind of comments. I hope I didn't confuse anyone. I'm seriously considering just flat out asking him if he's gay but I want to know if you guys think that he may be gay from what I've described. I don't even want to ask and embarrass myself if there's really no chance he is.Thank you all for your responses.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2009): well i think he is gay, but he doesnt know how would you react, he has thoughts of you about being gay too, but hes undecided because he may not see any hay behavior on you, but to tell the truth the only one that has to make the move is you, he wont do such thing cause hes kinda shy as u may said, so yes, give it a try and ask him if hes gay, theres no better thing than asking, and besides it seems you two have a very open relationship about exposing interests an thoughts! give it a try and, let away all those doubts that are killing you!
good luck!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009): So, he and I have been hanging out more often. Last weekend we went to BW3's with a roommate of mine, a manager of mine from work, and him. In the course of our conversations he brought up two ex-girlfriends. My heart sunk a little bit to be honest, but hey, before I figured out I was gay, I had several girlfriends.
We ended up talking about how the manager from work (a girl) may have a crush on me. I told him I wasn't interested and he asked "why not" and I told him that "Let's just say she's definitely not my type." Here comes the interesting bit; as the night progressed he seemed to go back to the topic of relationships quite a bit. I told him about my brothers and my sisters and he did likewise. What I thought was interesting was that he would ask about my relationships, I was vague saying that I hadn't really found anyone that worked for me yet and when he asked about my ex's (specifically saying girls) I told him that my ex was a saga of my life that I was glad I was over.
We hung out the next day as well. I picked him up and we went out. Before we went out, I went up to his dorm room and he showed my pictures of his family. (Which I thought was cute lol.) I got ice cream and he went to taco bell. We went to a bookstore and walked around for a while comparing our favorite books, authors, and such. (A cheap date if there is one to me...lol) I asked if he wanted to get a movie and he said yeah. We picked up two and watched them both in the same night. I made sure that I sat next to him even though we have...like 5 couches in the apartment. (It's college, what do you expect?) At one point, fearing I was making him uncomfortable, I asked him if he wanted me to move and he told me that I was fine.
In between changing movies, he stood up briefly and went over to another couch to sit while he skimmed through the previews. He then came back and sat down next to me again. :)
So we just sat there, enjoyed the movies, and I took him home. We had another one of those "I don't really know what to say moments" as he was getting out of my car. He was talking to me, then would go to get out of the car and he'd turn around to talk to me again.
I'm pretty excited about this, I think he may be interested since I gave him a kind of "I'm not interested because I'm gay" response. I'm thinking that I may just casually drop a "you know, because I'm gay" kind of thing in one of our conversations and see how he reacts.
Anyway, I'll continue to update this if anyone cares to look!
Thanks for the responses.
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A
male
reader, StevenRoss  +, writes (19 July 2009):
He definately sounds gay to me, I wouldn't ask him if he was gay, If I was you I would tell him that you we're gay. I know that maybe hard but he sounds like a really decent lad, and if he is gay it will make it easier for him to tell you and I bet he'll appreciate it. If you really want him that extra bit of effort on your part will be well worth it.
Wish you the best of luck, also if he isn't gay it will help you to come out anyway it's a slow process but one I don't thin you will regret.
xx
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (17 July 2009):
 I would not ask if he was gay because he would get very shy and feel awkard. I had a very similar experience and I know what your talking about. From your post I would say that I am 100% sure that he is gay. I usually don't say that I am 100% sure but in this case I am. take care!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2009): Im 19 too, so I guess I understand exactly what your going through, I find myself attracted to girls and boys, but i hate it, i dont want to be. However Id probably act just like that guy, I don't support gay marriage, i might even say bad things about gay ppl from time to time, I don't judge them and I dont hate them i just dont want to be apart of it so i'll try everything to remove myself from it.However...if i can across a guy i really liked and cuddnt help it. I'd probably want to know if he is gay or not, so when it comes to this guys its hard to tell bcuz it cud backfire in your face. Since you're open about it , just tell him, he seems to like it.
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (15 July 2009):
 If you dont ask you wont kno it might be embarasing but youll live and if hes a decent person hell understand if hes not gay hell let you kno but honestly im gonna say hes gay or really naive or just not sure of what he is
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2009): I say you should go for it. Either her's gay or he's not. If not, if he's truly a friend he won't mind you being gay - and if he goes for it, then wow! But I think you need to be open about your sexuality before anything can happen. Maybe the awkward 'should we kiss here' silences are happening because he's not sure if YOU'RE gay or not, and he's thinking the exact same thoughts as you. Best bet is to tell him you're gay and ask if that bothers him. If that seems too difficult, maybe take it slowly. Test the water. Ask him to go swimming with you, or invite him round for a movie and a glass of wine. Keep up the eye contact and find subtle ways of physically touching. Lots of guys are afraid of their gay desires (his 'what a queer' comment is a dead giveaway here), and have to be sort of led by the hand. (I usually go right for the zipper, and it almost always works, but that's just me) Nothing ventured, nothing gained. I so hope it works out for you, let us know!
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A
male
reader, dddddddd  +, writes (14 July 2009):
Maybe you should just say outright that you are gay and see what he says. Maybe his response will be that he is as well.
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