A
male
age
51-59,
*KW
writes:HiAfter ten months of a long distance relationship, I can't go on. I love her, love my time with her, but the relationship model is all wrong, it's not working. We have just done the "time to think" thing, I know we are finished, so does she, we just haven't officially said the words yet.She gets very ill when she is down and depressed, plus her apartment has been broken into. She is suffering, and I feel awful. But if I go back to her all this will just start up again further down the line.I can't connect with her little boy, I like him like all kids, but don't love him. I have two of my own!She wants me to stay as a friend if we split, is this a good idea? maybe for a few months until she feels better? I'm not heartless, I don't like seeing her suffer, she doesn't have many friends and she is lonely.
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male
reader, DKW +, writes (1 June 2011):
DKW is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the advice. I really cannot go on, just the drive over to hers is putting me in debt from the costs, I am convinced now that unless you both have a definite shared goal, long distance relationships just do not work out. I am in the process of getting divorced after splitting from my wife two years ago, I don't think I'm ready for any kind of relationship.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): If you love her and love your time with her it is not all wrong. Be sure that you want to break up before you do... maybe try talking to her and give her a chance. If you love her there is always a way. Everyone goes through uncertainty....
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A
female
reader, Fate100percent +, writes (31 May 2011):
Staying friends with someone you've just split from is really really hard and imo, only prolongs the agony! (I've recently tried it!) If you are both certain you want to end the relationship, the sooner you get used to being alone again the better. It is hard if you always rang to say goodnite to each other at a certain time or always text each other good morning when you wake up, but keeping in touch (at least in the beginning is pure agony-you analyse every text etc, what did they mean by that?) Maybe you could agree to a call in a months time or something to see how you are both doing? I thought I could stay friends, but found it harder that just going no contact personally because each interaction just set me back to square one! lol As for the kids thing you can never love someone else kids like you would love your own (I have none, but couldn't imagine that, as blood is thicker than water!) Tell her if it's an emergency she can call you, but you think time apart from each other to 'sort yourselves out' would be best. Good luck x Time to think things through without contact really does give you a great perspective as to what you really want :-)
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (31 May 2011):
 Very difficult situation you find yourself in!
First, I would ask her if any of her property has been recovered, and show some empathy for her distress......(not knowing how long it's been since the break-in).
It's really not a good idea to try to stay friends after a break-up. She needs to move on with her life, as do you.
However, you could just let her know you wish her all the very best, and MAYBE if she wants to call you in case of an emergency that would be alright (if in fact it would be). Do you have ideas (practical suggestions) to offer as to how she might go about making new friends, joining an organization where she can be around people with similar interests to her own? If so, that might be helpful.
Also, if she gets depressed and ill when bad things happen, she might need to talk to a counselor to rule out clinical depression.......
Now, I KNOW you cannot continue as her boyfriend when you realize - and she does too - that its just not working. I'm just trying to throw out a few ideas as to how you might show a little support and consideration for her well-being before (or when) you speak the words which end it.....
Good luck!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): I dont think dumping her would help, talk about getting help :)
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A
female
reader, StarryEyes101 +, writes (31 May 2011):
 Hey. There aren't many guys out there that would go through this much trouble to spare a woman's feelings. Even if they loved them. So kudos for that. But I know it's probably really tough on you. And 10 months is quite a long time.
If you don't wanna be with her, you have to let her know. It isn't fair on either of you to keep dragging it out.
I bet it was tough trying to connect with her son. Kids can be hard work especially if they have been living with a single parent for a long time. You should tell her how you feel. Don't keep it in no more. Of course you can continue to be friends.
Good luck =)
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