A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My fiance and I are both 28 and have been together for eight years. We have a three year old son and I'm currently 8.5 months pregnant with another boy; we even have three fur babies (a dog and two cats)! We've talked about it several times when we should get married but I feel like my expiration date has already passed. I have a promise ring he gave on our one year anniversary and the engagement ring from our five year anniversary. We were in the process of planning the wedding when we found out I was pregnant. I seriously thought we would head on over to the courthouse and do it "shot gun" style but it didn't happen. Instead, I had the baby and now I'm about to have another. How do I get him to go to the court house with me?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2011): why do you want him to marry you if you've already been together for so long and have a family together? Is it for health insurance purposes or tax breaks?Otherwise do you think that:1) marrying will somehow ensure you two stay together? If so, think again. Marriage doesn't prevent people from leaving each other if they really want to - there is divorce2) are you insecure that he will some day leave you, so you want a legal contract in place (ie marriage) to ensure that if/when that happens, you will get child support. I actually think this is a good idea, if you don't trust him as a person to do right by his kids even if you two do some day split up3) are you insecure for social reasons, i.e. you just want to be able to say that, yes you are married because marriage is seen socially as a "success" in life?4) are you insecure about something else and think that having a marriage certificate will prevent that something else from happening?I guess what I'm saying is, if he hasn't married you by now, it means that either he's happy with you and the relationship in which case what difference does it make to be legally married or not. Look at all the crappy marriages out there - marriage does not mean all is well. Another reason he may not have married you is because he's not actually happy with you. If so, then all the more you do NOT want to push him into marriage because that will make things worse.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (1 June 2011):
 Come up with something in his life that will improve, and stay improved, if he marries you. What does he stand to gain? If he's happy with your family as it is, why would he want to change it?
If you phrase it in terms of your "expiration date," or in terms of what he somehow owes you, it will never happen. I say "somehow owes you" because in all honesty, a promise to marry doesn't mean anything when marriage can be disolved without fault. You have to treat this like a team thing with him, something that will lead to mutual happiness and fulfilment. Take the time to address what you mean by commitment, too. Does it just mean him commiting to you? What does commitment mean to you?
He's probably thought about these things, but just been unsure of how to bring them up with you. He probably believes that marriage will either make his life worse (I guarantee he's heard horror stories of sexless marriages, bitter divorces, or wives gaining thirty pounds after the wedding), or at best that he'll go through a whole hassle without actually changing anything. If that's not an accurate way of seeing it, it's your responsibility to show him that.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): I myself was in a relationship for 8yrs with a child an always thought 1 day we`d be married it never happened in the end i had to let him go despite loving him deeply i wanted marriage the whole package yet he could not commit and i held out on hoping 1 day he would change his mind but he never did,im currently single and enjoying life until the right one comes along if he ever does
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A
male
reader, Universe Man +, writes (31 May 2011):
You're practically married. You have a household, a history, commitment, family, and a ring. I'm going to give you a man's perspective here... maybe he already feels like you're married, so he doesn't really see the point of going and signing some piece of paper. If having that official government declaration of marriage is important to you, then you should figure out exactly why it's important and explain it to him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 May 2011): It simply sounds like he is comfortable and is currently of the 'if it aint broke don't fix' mentality. Really it is not much to ask to go to the courthouse with you, you are not even after the fairytale romance.
In my experience within my relationship, it appears that in all honesty guys need to have things completely and clearly spelled out to them at times. so y ou will have to be very specific about what you want and because he loves you he will happily oblige.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (31 May 2011):
 You've been engaged eight years now with one child and another on the way? What ever has prevented the two of you from tying the knot long ago? Anyway, seeing as how the purpose of an engagement is a promise to marry (having, one would hope, worked out all relevant relationship issues before getting engaged), maybe as the hummingbird says, you should ask him directly.
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A
female
reader, the.hummingbird  +, writes (31 May 2011):
drop hints, if that doesnt work... ask him to marry you! no one said that women are forbidden to pop the question. go for it, if you think its right! :)
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