A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My wife's last lover had a bigger penis, greater stamina and could please her with vaginal intercourse. I feel so inadequate and don't know why I should make any more pathetic attempts. Any advice?
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male
reader, Mr Experienced  +, writes (12 January 2015):
Best thing to do is move on and find someone new. I appreciate that everyone has a past but knowing that her former lover was more well endowed and had more stamina will only torment you and it never goes away. Somewhere out there, is the perfect woman for you and she won't have been with someone much larger. Also, giving her an orgasm is not all it is cracked up to be. Many a woman have slept with a well endowed man and never had an orgasm but still enjoyed the physical act so people telling you to learn to be the best lover is nonsense
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 December 2011):
 Women don't generally marry men they consider inadequate. As a rule, a woman marries a man because she thinks he's the best combination of all the things she is looking for in a man. Presumably, she's the best combination of all the things he's looking for in a woman.
(Obviously, an arranged marriage is a different situation, and my comments do not apply there.)
Has she said, "you are a loser of a lover and nothing you do pleases me and since you won't do the things that will please me, you are simply hopeless"? Or have you decided that your penis size and intercourse staying power is the only criterion that establishes the level of her sexual satisfaction?
This question is far too vague for us to give you our advice. More info is needed, thanks!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2011): Learn to be the best lover she has ever had.Expert cunnilingus...is a really icebreaker by the way.Which you don't learn from a porn flick by the way.In fact, ditch porn flicks, they are shit and only serve to get people aroused, they do not show how to have sex, do not show great sex, but only show exaggerated sexual responses which aren't real...they are ACTING.You don't become that great lover without getting to know her, over time, working together to achieve it, and being patient, honest, open, and willing to work on it.My wife had many a guy, some smaller than me, some larger, some the same size, she was very promiscuous, said she "loved" sex. But she didn't know what it was like to really have a good long term lover, and what she learned after we got married, and over time, is what real good sex is...no kidding...she'd never had an orgasm with anyone before me, and it took me years to get her to that point. She'd never trusted anyone like me, and it took me years to get to that point.Trust, pleasure, knowing what makes the wheels turn, and gently and persistently working the needed areas, and you will be the best lover she ever had.She won't forget the prior ones, but she won't miss them either.If she's bringing up dick size? Well, the a trip to marriage counseling is in order because that's just way out of line.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): My GF too had a lover who was very well endowed and who completely satisfied her without even trying. I was only her third; the other guy whom she said had a member as big as a thumb. I bought her a vibrator that we include in our love making and she is completely thrilled with it, and us.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 December 2011):
 And who is making this a competition?
You wife says WHAT to you about this?
(note the following is a bit sarcastic as a woman who has had many many partners and is now happily with my smallest partner to date)
"oh btw honey, your penis it too small, you can't last long enough, and I can't have an orgasm from penetration with you"
#1. IF she says this to you then you need to not compete... you need to divorce her and get a new wife that has some manners....
#2. is that size complaint about your length or your girth?
and are you inadequate by mere millimeters or is is massive like say 3 or 4 inches??? again length or girth?
#3. as for orgasms from penetration... I'm jealous.. I wish I could have orgasms from penetration.... I require manual stimulation or preferably oral... I get NEITHER with the current partner but since HE is not the one responsible for my orgasms I do NOT care about that.
what I do care about OP, is that he loves me, he cuddles me, he pays attention to me, he kisses me, and holds me... he helps around the house and worries that I am happy with him (I am because a good life is MORE than sex and having a partner that can make you orgasm is nice but if he can't get off his fat ass to take the trash out or get off the computer with his "online girlfriends" to spend time with me, those orgasms are useless
IF your attempts are pathetic...STEP up YOUR GAME...
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 How do you know this? What's a fact and what's creative thinking on your behalf?
I think your wife marrying you and not her former lover says all that needs to be said about who outdoes whom. But do share more information if you want more advice.
-how did you find out about what penis size he had, how great of a stamina he had and how well he could please her? I need the context of how you came to know about it.
-how do you know you do not please your wife with intercourse? And what exactly does it mean to "please her with intercourse"? Do you mean to say she can't feel a thing when you make love to her? Are you that small? Or do you mean to say you can't make her orgasm that way? And how do you know you do not please her?
More information needed.
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A
female
reader, bluecow +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Seriously?
Aside from the obvious need for further info with rivi's questions.. I can only give a general answer.
* engage in more foreplay... cunnilingus, fingers, massage etc. If her orgasm is top priority to you, then ensure that is satisfied before starting standard penetration.
* ask your wife to ensure her pelvic floor muscles are tight and toned... even with regular excercise it can take months for a change to be noticed.
* if a g-spot orgasm is what she is missing, then why not introduce toys to the bedroom? They are fun, exciting and bring a whole new dimension to the act of sex. They dont just have to be for women too.
* if this is just general performance anxiety.. then perhaps you need some counselling.
Your wife chose YOU not donkey dick from the past. You obviously bring much more fulfilment to her life otherwise she wouldnt be with you.
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (11 December 2011):
Well, you're living breathing evidence for why men want virgins. It's so much easier when there's no one to compare with.
I'm just going to go out on a limb here and say that she married you because previous big swinging dicks didn't do it for her. Oh, maybe in some ways, but that you brought something else, maybe something more, to the table. You must be a good guy, or she wouldn't have married you. Maybe the prior guys with big dicks weren't good guys. People who would care for her, love her, help her make a life. Grow old with. So maybe she's looking for more than a big dick. Like you?
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A
male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Easy solution if you have not tried before. Learn expert cunnilingus to bring about at least one orgasm for her, then follow with vaginal sex. It has never, ever, failed me - even with woman past age 50 who had never climaxed before. That's just the facts, Jack!
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Did she tell you this or are you putting two and two together and coming up with six? Despite what men think women don't lust after huge penis's. It's not the size that matters it's the man it's on that counts.
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A
male
reader, rivi +, writes (11 December 2011):
Far too little info here to be able to hazard any suggestions:
1] Who says all this ? Your wife ? When did she say it and in what context ? Is she frquently comparing your penis to her ex's ??
2] How long have you been married ?
3] How often do you now have intercourse ?
4] Is it generally enjoyable ? Is your penis a tight fit or too loose for you both to really enjoy a tight mutual squeezing and stimulation ?
5] Do you have children / good job/s / money worries ?
6] Do you have hobbies etc outside the home : sport / cinema / art galleries / theatre ????
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A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (11 December 2011):
 Well i asked my GF to give me a rating on how good i was in bed she said a 6.5 compared to the others shes been with. and she said im some where in the middle when it comes to size. now i could be insecure about all this or could take it for what it is shes not with me just for the sex and i cant change my size but i told her we have plenty of time to practice so i can get better and refine my technique. So sir i suggest yu do the same stop focusing on the size and the past dudes. Refine your technique blow her mind. most females dont get off from vaginal sex any way they need a little more attention so the penis is only one part of a bigger equation.
Dont be scared man use everything God gave you shes your wife so she cant run away somethings mite freak a GF out and she will stop answering your calls but a wife is just stuck with you.
Oh man i got some things you should try....
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): How much do actually know about her last lover in terms of facts, and how much of this is possibly your insecurities making her ex out to be a super stud of some sort?
I've had similar thoughts about my wife's exes at various points, but I had to realize at some point that I didn't know for an absolute fact what it had been like.
Ultimately, of course, you have to play the hand you've been dealt. It's a waste of time to sit around wishing you were something you're not.
Try to step back and figure out what the reality of your situation is without letting your emotions take over. Do you want to stay with your wife? Do you like having sex with her? If yes, why do you care how much she likes it relative to past lovers? Do you want to keep having sex with her?
Almost every man and woman has been with someone before that was better sexually in some ways than their current partner. This is probably one of the most universal experiences we all have as human beings. I suspect that even of the people who are convinced they are the best lover their GF or wife has ever had are actually wrong. Thankfully, most women don't tell their BF or husband one or more of her exes could really get her off in ways the current BF can't. I highly doubt that very many men tell their wives they are not as good in bed as their exes either.
Almost everyone on this planet is in the same boat, at least to some extent. You have to learn to suck it up and accept reality. None of us on this board are God. We can't change your situation.
My suggestion is to focus more on your own pleasure. If you like it, it's good sex for you. If she wants something different, she can tell you what it is.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 I assume (actually, hope) it was your wife who shared this information with you. Questions: How long ago did she become your wife? Why did she share this information?
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