A
female
age
30-35,
*truggling_with_life
writes:dear aunts and uncles. this is a bit long and im sorry but im having a really difficult time at the moment and would really appreciate any help that you can give me.ive been in a relationship with my girlfriend for almost a year and a half now and i love her more than i could ever possibly imagine. Its my first lesbian relationship and ive never felt happier. i can be myself around her and we are completely in love.The problem im having is that our relationship has been a secret because i cant come out to my parents. They arent religious or anything but they are quite strict and have certain expectations of me. Ive tried to tell them but i just get so worked up that im physically sick and cant do it. ive even thought of writing them a letter but i just cant find the words or bravery to do it. I know your parents should support you no matter who you are but i dont think my parents will. I cant risk losing my family (we have been through a lot of tragedy together in the past) but i cant risk losing my girlfriend either. I hate having to keep the relationship secret but its affecting my girlfriend more. she has told me that she feels as though i am ashamed of being with her which kills me because she is my world. There is not one person who knows about us being together, not even our friends as we live in a small community and im worried that people will gossip. So the only time that we can truly be together is behind closed doors. My girlfriend gets really upset that she cant hold my hand in public or anything like that.I hate what im doing to her. she has been so supportive in maintaining my wishes but i know it cant go on like this forever, she feels as though i do not love her, shes told me this. What can i do?? i cant lose my parents but i cant lose my girlfriend. i know i need to come out because i love her with all my heart and we want to move in together. if this goes on much longer im scared she will leave me for someone who doesnt ask so much of her. so how can i tell my parents? what if they dont accept us?thankyou for reading this and i will be grateful for any advice you can give xxx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2010): i think that you should come out to ur parents because its not good keeping in a secret from them like this but sometimes you gotta get guts to get over this thats why its hard for me today because most of my family know but they dont accept it but its watever
A
female
reader, vamp-gal +, writes (24 February 2010):
 The best thing to do is probably tell your parents.
It will be hard, it's always hard to come out however, your girlfriend will be their to support you.
You never know, your parents may be supportive. They might be a little shocked at first however, they will have to find out eventually.
Your sexual orientation doesn't change who you are, you should be proud of who you are.
Sit down with your parents and talk to them, you're being honnest with them.
It will be hard, there's no denying that but you never know what will happen until you try. Maybe you could ask your girlfriend to go with you for moral support?
Hope this helps,
Good Luck x
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A
male
reader, HarryFlashman  +, writes (22 February 2010):
Have courage and do the right thing: be honest with your parents about who you are. Even if it takes them some time to come to terms with it, it is the best thing in the long run. Your parents may struggle with expectations that have been ingrained, but I think it is unlikely that they will stop loving their daughter. (Not saying it couldn't be rocky afterwards, but what is the point of living a lie?)
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 February 2010):
You are who you are. This is who you are. Be proud of who you are. People can surprise you at times, and this may be one of those times. You will only be even more miserable if you don't tell your parents and you lose your girlfriend. So I would suggest asking your girlfriend for help in telling your parents. Have her there with you or support. But you will need to say something, because if you don't you will lose her and be very unhappy. Have faith in your parents. Even if they find it difficult at first, they will come around.
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A
female
reader, SirenaBlusera  +, writes (21 February 2010):
 Sometimes, people can surprise you. I don't know your parents but I have been in situations where I expected the worst from people, and they still came through for me.
There is NOTHING wrong with being gay. It's unfortunate that some people discriminate against gays, but those people are idiots.
Perhaps it will come as a shock to your parents but love is unconditional and I am sure that underneath it all, they will love you.
As for the girlfriend, you're over 18, over the legal age of majority in Britain, that is your decision to make.
Good luck and don't let anyone get you down.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): You have already lost your family by presenting a fake you to them. Whatever love they give you now, you know they are giving to the one you pretend to be, and not the real you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): What's the point in putting off the inevitable? You're parents will discover that you're a lesbian at some stage in your life. The longer you leave it the more you have to lose so just get it over and done with as soon as possible. Family wont judge you for it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2010): I'm english and it's not weird for girls who are friends to holdhands, so you have a license to be more affectionate in public without anyone realising
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