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female
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anonymous
writes: I am 16 and have liked older guys since I was 13. I figured that it was just a phase and that eventually I would get over it, but I haven't even been interested in a guy my age in so long that I'm beginning to think that it's not just a phase. I currently like a guy that is 29. He is not married, nor is he in a relationship. I know he's interested in me too, but he knows that I'm not legal. He's a really good guy and I really wish that I could date him. I just can't imagine waiting two more years until I can have any sort of legal relationship. What should I do?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): hey everyone.I have a similar problem but I'm so sure of it and have my doubts at the same time.The only thing is that its a long distance relationsip and he was formally one of me teachers at school.I know, I know but we've been friends since I started the school and as the years I spent there, I became like a little dependee on his part, however, I was very shy.He'd hint to me that he's interested but didn't want to pursure anything gaving the circumstances so after I left the country, we were in steady contact and its at this point he told me he likes me. I told him I felt the same way but wasn't sure if i was quite ready and he understood completly. We talked and spent time talking about eachother, trying to get to know one another and I feel so connected to him.There's just one problem: my parents are totally against it.It disgust them to see me putting myself in this type of situation but I've learn to accept it cuz at first it was really weird.For both of us by the way. So I can relate to the way u r feeling.I know the feeling.Can anyone comment on this issue too.Thanx
-Confused and in love
A
female
reader, Kay-the-Cloud +, writes (26 October 2005):
Okay, you are 16, this guy is 29! You have your whole life ahead of you. By the time you were the legal age to date him then you would of lost interest in him and he most probably will be in a relationship. There's bound to be someone out there that you're interested in and that is around the same age as you. There's no need to rush. Enjoy your youth while you have it! Good Luck!!!
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reader, Angel-lee +, writes (25 October 2005):
Your too young for a guy of 29, if you wait two years the age gap wont seem to big, and if he likes you enough he will wait
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reader, communicatrix +, writes (25 October 2005):
 Let's forget that you're a whole lot younger and that most people—me, for instance—are going to call this potential relationship foolhardy for that reason alone. Let's even forget that most people think 13 years is too big a gap—especially when the gap starts at 16—because most of the time it is. But heck, there are exceptions to every rule, right?
So let's, for the moment, put aside entirely that he was 13—the age you were when you started likeing older guys—that he was 13 *when you were born*.
And let's, just for now, forget that most likely, a man of 29 probably is interested in a girl 13 years his junior for something other than the wide-ranging interests, worldly wisdom and unique perspective she has accumulated through time and experience.
Let's just pretend that this is the one situation in a million where he's the Perfect Guy for you and you're the Perfect Woman for him, age difference be damned.
What do you do? About *him*, I mean.
You do nothing. Nada. Zip.
You back away.
Because if you really, really care about this potential soul mate of yours, you don't want to do anything that could get him sent to prison...right?
Okay, that's the snide answer. True, but snide.
What do you do? You live your life. You try to open your eyes and ears and self to a range of experiences so that you (a) come to understand that there is more than one perfect person for you in this lifetime and (b) make yourself the best you possible in anticipation of meeting the best person for you.
You read. You travel. You write. You learn to play an instrument and speak another language. Or two. Or three. You find a job and you work, and find a better job and work harder, and work hardest of all to find the one thing—occupation, trade, practice—that makes your heart sing.
You get yourself to the point where you're not worried about whether it will work with this particular guy or that particular guy because you are so utterly you and utterly sure of what's right for you that you need no one, including some semi-anonymous (albeit wise) know-it-all on an advice website, to tell you what's best for you.
That's what you do.
And hopefully, you have fun doing it.
Good luck...
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