A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:A few weeks ago a lady posted the great post about not being able to be herself anymore. This is the situation with me. For about 3 years my husband has been very unhappy with me always saying that I am difficult, nasty etc etc. Because I knew he would leave me I have changed the way I behave to being exactly what he wants which involves watching what I say, saying only the nicest things, never passing any derogatory comments, behaving in an exemplery mannerm being supportive and keeping my mouth shut at all times. The thing is this is not me at all and I am unable to be myself anymore as I know he doesn't like the real me. I have played this role for a long time now and can do it quite easily but the real me is just screaming to get out and say what I really think about things. I would like to know how many people out there also play a role in their marriage to keep another person or just to keep the peace and how they manage to keep doing this day in and day out. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 If you are living your life pretending to be something you are not, you must be dreadfully uncomfortable and unhappy.
Is leaving the marriage an option?
I know there are TIMES when I get very quiet and hold back from discussing things with my partner as it upsets him but to NOT be me full time, I'd be insane.... and I'd have to end the relationship.
A
female
reader, mystiquek +, writes (13 August 2012):
 I feel sorry for you because the person that is getting hurt the most in this situation is YOU. How can you possibly be happy in life if you are playing a role and pretending to be someone you are not? Its not a good way to live your life! If your husband isn't happy with you (the true you) then the marriage will never work and you will never be happy. You should never change yourself because someone wants you to change, you should change because you want to change. I think you need to look deep inside of yourself and figure out what is really going to make you happy. Playing a role 24/7 or being free to be who you are? Your marriage may not last if you stop pretending but the way things are going, its not going to last anyway, is it? I cant stress enough that you need to be who you are..not who someone wants you to be! I wish you all the best, I hope you can find your happiness without sacrificing your individuality.
I was in a marriage for 16 years where I had become someone that I didn't even know anymore. When I turned 40, I realized I couldn't do it anymore. I was miserable and was tired of trying to keep up pretenses (my husband was an alcoholic). I walked away and "found" myself again. I met a wonderful man who loved me just as I am..weird quirky sense of humor, a clown who loves to make people laugh, and a very sensitive individual deep down inside. He loves me just as I am, I never have to pretend. I've never been happier. I wish the same for you. I hope you have the courage to fight for yourself.
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A
female
reader, Tez7 +, writes (12 August 2012):
i used to have a partner, who at the time was my first real love, and because of this i tried to do everything right because i adored him, whatever he asked or needed, i would change myself to be that way to make him happy. because i thought the most important thing was his happiness.
but as time went on, he changed what he wanted time and time again, and i missed who i was. i realised in the end that you must always be yourself, because if they cant love you just the way you are, the good and the bad, then its just not right and you will never be happy.
i think you should explain this, say that you need to be you. and if he doesnt like it, i would leave and find someone who loves you just as you are.
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