A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My ex and I divorced but still lived together. We loved each other but i divorced him because of finance differences. I left him and after a few weeks broke all contact because he is bi polar and has sociopathic tendencies. During that time once in awhile we would contact each other and meet up, have sex, and consider getting back together. Then I saw he had gotten on dating sites about a week or so after i left. He dated a couple of girls and said he never was intimate. During this time he was emailing me telling me this was my home and no one would ever be here and I could always come back anytime I want. He said he dated because he was terrified of being alone in this country and had few friends. For me I cannot comprehend dating or being with someone else so soon after we parted. I gave it time to see what would happen being apart. To me, I feel if he really loved me he never could have talked to the two women every night or so and gone out and kissed and so on. Am I off in my thinking? Real love to me is waiting even if you think it is over. Especially when others get involved and things happen that may be unforgivable and unforgettable.
View related questions:
divorce, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 I don't think you're asking whether or not he has the right to date others, but whether his professed love for you was genuine, correct?
I would say his affection for you is no different now than it was before, which is ultimately why you left him.
Men, generally speaking, get more out of relationships than do women which is why, more often than not, they're on to a new one within a year of the demise of the first one (widowed and divorced men alike). So what your ex-husband is doing is pretty common.
The fact that he's seeking out other women while 'courting' you tells me he's hedging his bets. It's the relationship he wants, who it's with is of secondary concern. He may PREFER it be with you, but anyone will do.
Your ex-husband has every right to pursue other women, but I do see your point. If he was so determined to win you back he would focus his romantic energy in that direction and he wouldn't risk blowing it by putting out feelers elsewhere.
My take on it...unless the circumstances that led to the break up still exist a second time around won't make any difference. Don't offer the perks of a wife until you have what you want from a husband.
A
female
reader, Read-the-signs  +, writes (4 May 2012):
You divorced him but you still want to be his one and only? You love him yet you divorced over finances? If it's over, it's over, and what he does is his business.
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 May 2012):
 When you divorce someone you have no right to interfere if they choose to date other people.
Divorce means you are both now single and can move on.
Sounds like you divorced him as a kind of punishment!! hoping that it would make him change his ways. If he has a mental illness, that isn't going to go away.
You have no say in his life anymore, you divorced him, so if you are still in love with him and hoping to rekindle...I am afraid it's his call and not yours...so it's just too bad.
Cut the contact, stay out of eachothers lives and move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 May 2012):
 I have to disagree with you. Divorce is a serious matter, if either partner files for divorce he7she must be prepared to consider it final- game over - the end .( That some times later on people may change their mind and decide to reconnect, that's another story and may happen too, but it should never be factored in your decision to terminate a marriage ).Choosing to declare something is over, while waiting and hoping and pining to make it continue is not about " real love ",it's playing juvenile games .
He can have really loved you AND accepted that your financial differences are irreconcilible, to the point of making impossible for you living together. Which has made easier for him to move on, or at least try to move on. Which, perhaps, you should do too, because , as Perhaps Not remarks, if your differences are still there and there's nothing to do about them, a reconciliation would serve no purpose .
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): To me and from what I have seen on here, you can't just wait around for someone no matter how much you love them, especially when you think it is over for good. Although it hurts most of the advice given is to move on and try to find happiness, and if the person comes back, then you take it from there. I don't say your wrong, just unrealistic to believe that someone will wait around when they think it's over, just in case the person comes back. Real love is about working together to work out the problems or differences.
Concentrate on why you divorced him, and why you decided you didn't want to be his wife any longer. I agree it seems way to soon to be dating again after the end of a relationship, but for other people that is how they seem to go through the healing process.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2012): I believe that when you are divorced that's it. All bets are off. No more entertaining the idea of getting back together. If you want to stay together then don't get divorced instead work on your resolving your differences. When you get divorced that is the end of the relationship so you shouldn't be thinking you still own any part of your ex's heart.
Real love means you stay together and tough it out and work on resolving relationship problems not getting divorced.
...............................
A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (4 May 2012):
 No, you're not wrong for feeling and thinking the way that you do. Maybe you ought to focus on "i divorced him because of finance differences. I left him .... broke all contact because he is bi polar and has sociopathic tendencies." If you broke up over finances, him dating other women, or you getting back together, will not solve your financial issues. You need to keep in mind why you initiated the divorce. Even if he didn't date any women after your divorce, you would still have this financial problem. Don't become preoccupied with his bad behavior and think too deeply about it. Maybe you should go back to breaking all contact as you clearly cannot be in touch with him without thinking of how to get back together and sleeping with him.
...............................
|
