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female
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*issShani
writes:I am a 17 years old female and I have had sex in the past and recently but I have a problem with having an orgasm. The only way I know I am cumming/have a orgasm is when I am receiving oral sex or when masturbating. My partner have told me many times that he felt me cum when we were having sex but I didn't know I was. Is there anyway I can help this problem? And maybe anything I can do that can make me feel when I am having a orgasm during sex?
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (24 July 2010):
 Not uncommon at all. that's why most good lovers will go down on their lady to effect the orgasm. there is a device I've seen advertised that acr=ts as a tiny vibrator that can be afixed right over the clit during sex that may work...I don't know for sure but it looks like it would work. I actually prefer tounge love to artificially excitement myself but I'm not a female so..grain of salt
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female
reader, MissShani +, writes (1 December 2007):
MissShani is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI am currently 19 now and I still can not have an orgasm during sex, I do not stress it as much as I did when I was 17 because I know it will happy later on. Thanks for all the wonderful comments and advice it has really helped me!!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): ok for the last comment... how can you cum without having an orgasm? isn't it the same thing?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2007): Hello there, there are many things that you can try!! What i would suggest is for you to visit a sex toy shop and look around for fun little things like "clit stimulator" and feminine arousal cream. While you and your significant other are having intercourse, just turn on the clit stimulator toy and rub it on the nub while he is doing his thing in you. LOL. you will have even more fun when you bring toys involve...i promise you that...have fun and goodluck!!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2007): Hello,
it is normal to cumm only when mastrubating or during oral sex.
if the guy is not touching your clitoris but instead he is kind of 'jumping' while he is moving in and out of you, then how could you cum? most women can cum only when stimulate our clitoris... so whatever works for you is perfectly fine!!
I think!!
bye and have fun!!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2007): Erectile problems, hmm. I am over 40 and should be concerned about that, not people your age. If he is unable to maintain an erection for very long change positions. Get him to lie on his back and then stimulate his penis. When he is aroused you can straddle his penis. In this way you will be able to control the speed required to ensure he does not loose his erection. Also, you will be able to control the depth and angle of penetrattion, as well as the speed. Now, move forward and backwards until you stimulate your clit.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2007): hey you just need to relax about it... someday you might orgasm with him through manual stimulation or sex, but the fact you can come with him at all is a great thing! like another reader pointed out, only a third of women can come from sex. I never have, I find it really hard to come unless it's from masturbation and it's only with my current bf that i've even been able to come from someone else doing stuff to me (and even then it's only ever oral sex that works, and it's only happened roughly once a month since we've been together). I know it's not his fault, from experience I know he's an incredible lover in bed and we have high sex drives, do it as much as we can, but I just can't seem to come from anything other than masturbation and oral.I say stop worrying about it, the fact you can come from oral is great in itself. some of us just aren't built for orgasms from sex as much as we'd love that to happen! (sometimes it does feel like you're missing out when every other woman on the planet seems to be coming every time she has sex). luckily my bf is very understanding, and realises I can still have a fantastic arousing time in bed with him without coming. and if I think i might be able to, he'll go down on me for as long as it takes or we'll even just masturbate ourselves laid together until I do.whether you learn to be happy with what you've got will depend on how your boyfriend reacts really. and trust me, you'd know if you came during sex!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2006): i try to make my partner come by oral sex as i have with my previous partners, but she dosn,t come as in ejaculation and i feel that she is holding back
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male
reader, PsychicHigh +, writes (17 November 2005):
This is normal for many, but because it's normal doesn't mean it's not a problem. You can cum without orgasming, which is quite possible for both women and man.
Try getting your partner to extend forplay, get you aroused more. Get him to try and tease you through the day. Kissing your neck throughout the day, sexual positions while clothed, and the like.
Toys may even be able to enhance the feeling between you two before or even during and may help.
Try even being just generally romantic, I have found that helps between my girlfriend and me when the mood just isn't there.
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A
reader, BettyBoop2005 +, writes (11 November 2005):
This is not a problem dont give it a second thought, i went thruogh that myself, and all it takes is getting to know each other better, and what you like or dont like.You have to explore different positions like the said previously and it will happen.One thing you shouldnt do is dont go to bed with that on your mind, just enjoy each other and you will see when it happens you are going to be surprised, because you werent worrying about it, good luck.
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female
reader, kissy +, writes (10 November 2005):
i can only orgasm through masturbation. Only 30% of the female population can climax through penetration. Some women never experience an orgasm in their entire life. It doesn't matter though, perhaps you should masturbate more to see what works for you, try for a multiple, I can now have 5 and its amazing.
And if your boyfriend thinks that you have come without any noise.......idiot.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (31 August 2005):
It is not possible to have an orgasm without feeling it! What your boyfriend is feeling is probably your vaginal muscles contracting as you are becoming aroused. A good position to bring you to orgasm during intercourse is with your boyfriend on top but with his legs open and your legs closed, in this position he will hardly need to trust at all, a gentle rocking may be enough to send you over the edge. This position feels so good for you because the clitoris is getting stimulation as his pubic bone rubs off yours, it feels good for him to because you will feel very tight.
Hope this helps,
Delila
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2005): Most women don't orgasm during intercourse and those who do mostly have to have some clitoral stimulation as well. Don't let your man or anyone else make you feel like you *should* be able to, but also don't let him feel bad for not making you orgasm - it's not his or anyone's fault. Also don't let him tell you what's happening to your body!Because men climax during intercourse and because we are often told via films etc that women do too it's easy to think there's something wrong with a situation where you don't, but that's just not true. As long as you're relaxed and enjoying a trusting and varied sex life then you needn't feel like you're missing out on anything. Maybe you'll orgasm during intercourse in the future, maybe not. Don't worry about it. If you've got someone who is happy to pleasure you as you like then you're doing pretty well and are lucky that your partner can make you cum at all - many women only cum through masturbation. Having said that, most women seem to find that orgasm is much less important for them than it is for men - all kinds of sex can be amazing even though they don't lead to climax, I would definitely agree with this.
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female
reader, jess18maine +, writes (30 July 2005):
 This is Jess18Maine again and I just learned some new things meself, because I'm also 17 and not the experienced, but I found this to be intresting so I thought you might too. I was reading a question the anwsers and found some stuff on orgasms please read it. I know you must know how to have sex and how to keep the penis in you but this guy Pops writes alittle about orgasm's too. I like Pops advice, whatever he writes is always wise and usually right!
Here it is:
A female reader, anonymous writes:
My boyfriend and I have been "trying" to have sex for about 3 or 4 months, but each attempt ends in failure. We are both virgins and put the first few failures down to nerves, but after the first few times I realised it could be more than that.
My boyfriend has told me that there is a history of erectile problems in his family, and this has resulted in him not being able to hold an erection for very long.
Our main problem seems to be that he cannot find the correct 'spot' and keeps slipping out of me. Can you please suggest why this may happen, and if there is something (or a position) we could try to stop this happening.
A reader, pops, writes (4 July 2005):
I don't know what spot you or he is looking for. Get a good book on human anatomy and learn where your sex organs are. The penis goes inside the vagina. Your clitorus is in front of, or above, the vaginal opening. The opening consists of outer and inner lips or labia. The shape of the lips differ from person to person, just as the shape of the male penis differs. (*The clitorus is the site of nerve endings that stimulate your brain to experience orgasms.*) You should already know how to have your own orgasms through masturbation. Its your job to show him where to touch so that you can orgasm. Unless you are anorexic, the skin on your body has enough elasticity that the weight of the skin will pull the labia downward. If you are on your back, facing upward, as in the missionary position, the entrance to your vagina will be slightly higher, to him, than the openings to your labia appear. He will have to part the lips, and lift his penis up to enter your vagina. If you are facing down, such as in the doggy positon, the vagina will be again pulled down, and and he will have to enter the labia, and then lift up, as if he was going to put his penis in your anus, to enter the vagina. He can manipulate your skins by stretching it with his hands and fingers. so that entry is a direct shot, but that comes with experience. Try being on top of him, and lowering yourself onto his penis. That way your clitorus will be more likely to his his pubic arch, and be stimulated during intercourse. He will have to learn how to move to stimulate you during intercourse when you are on the bottom. You need to tell him what feels good and what does not. As for erectile disfunction, Talk to him. Is he afraid of getting you pregnant? Or cuming too soon? Nip that in the bud. His climax, whenever the first occurs, is only the first. At your ages, you should be like rocket ships several times a night.
FYI: so that means your clitorus is not really getting any action durring the intorcouse part and so there is no orgasm because your clitorus needs action to have an orgasm.
Hope I helped! ~Jess
PS: Thanks to Pop's where ever he is out there!
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A
female
reader, jess18maine +, writes (30 July 2005):
First of all, there are lots of women that can't orgasm through intercorse and thats normal. Also it's possiable too cum and not orgasm as well. I think what he's feeling is just your pre-cum which is what cums out when you get arroused, of corse it will be wet down there when your doing anything. Also it's been known that the sex is better and that there is more chance of orgasm when your emotional involved with the person ur having sex with. Most women like oral much better anyways, dont let this phase you a bit, when you do eventually orgasm durring sex your know. I think maybe you should surf some sites about sex (not porn) but learning sites, www.talkwithsue.com, just type sumthing into google and see where it takes you, theres alot of things out there to read about how to orgasm. plus every girl is different, remember that one. Good luck next time!
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