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male
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*ostinspace
writes: Hi, I feel so bad i just want to die somewhere alone.I got engaged to my girlfriend because she loves me to death and i thought that i would grow to feel the same way. I broke up on Friday the 10th three weeks before our marriage. She's completely devastated. I feel sooo guilty and responsible. What now?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 November 2007): All you can do here is be honest with her. I just broke up with my girfriend and have been dealing with all the back lash. Statements like "I am so heart broken" or "I feel such horrible pain". Believe me these statements get to me because I do care about her. The deal is I just do want to be in the relationship anymore and trying to brush everything under the rug and continue on in something that I don't really want to be in will cause much more resentment and misery down the road. Break ups are brutal, it is a fact. What is more brutal is to stay in denial and try to make something work when deep down you know it is a lie. Better end things. People will hurt. She will have to bleed out and then accept things. It will take time. You may feel horrible and guilty like you have mislead her or whatever. You may have. It happens. Relationships are wierd animals. But the bottom line is that relationships are not life or death situations. If soemone becomes upset to the point that they are depressed long term or suicidal, they need to consult with a therapist. That sort of emotional state is cause by obsession. Short term pain is logical and normal for any of us. Long term pain and obsession is a dysfunctional state. I'll get off my soap box now.
A
male
reader, shandy +, writes (13 November 2006):
Its a shame you left it so late to tell her. But a similar thing has happened to me. The most important thing is to explain to her your reasons ans give closure. It will help her in the long term and it is the most decent thing for you to do. Dont be a coward and tell her lies be open and honest. It's the least she deserves since she is going through a very tramatic experience. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): Yep this happened to me and boy it hurts. The pain she is going through is immense. But you do need to give her closure and explain your reasons rather than leaving her in the dark because that is cruel. Whatever the reason tell her because That's some I did not get and that was closure. Long term it will help her and it is the least she deserves.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006):
I'll just assume that you made the right decision and go from there.
She is probably confused and hurt (and humiliated) and in her head making up all kinds of crazy reasons and scenarios for the break up.
I think you owe her a nice long rational (not full of mushy emotionalism) letter so she can put her head to rest and get sleep. Tell her what you were thinking when you got engaged, what process you went through when you decided to break up. What factors you weighted, who you consulted. Was this a rush or did you think it out. Tell her that you were concerened about both your long term happiness.
Tell her what is not about- not about her thighs, or one breast being higher than another, or that she always says "Q-pon" instead of coupon. Tell her that you havent met anyone else, and its not about her family.
Expect her to be hurt and angry but offer to meet and listen to her feelings and answer any questions you need to get closure.
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A
female
reader, pica +, writes (13 November 2006):
Better than marrying and regretting. You did a brave thing and you did the right thing. I also think though you should cut all contact with her, for both your sakes.
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A
female
reader, camille  +, writes (13 November 2006):
 It's a very traumatic situation for you both and all I can say is...no matter how awful it is, you did the right thing for you both. Better to do it now than at the altar or years down the line. Ok, so you maybe should have done it sonner and not got engaged etc etc but hindsight's a wonderful thing. Everyone makes mistakes but don't beat yourself up. Your girlfriend will get over this eventually. Yes you broke her heart but you can't fix it, so just try and get yourself back on track. A clean break is better for her in the long run so don't torture her by calling etc through guilt. If you think there's unfinished business, maybe write a letter but try to sever all contact, for her sake.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2006): You cannot realistically marry someone who who you don't love 100%. It is ok her saying to you she loves you to death but it has to come from both of you. It's just a pity that it took you until three weeks before the wedding to break it up. I feel for both of you. She must be devasted. But better to go through this now and not a messy divorce with kids later on.
I hope you can get through this and i know you will.
Take care xx
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A
female
reader, HONEST JULIE +, writes (13 November 2006):
 appologise and say you want to be friends and that you need some space i grantee she will understand
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