A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I dated my boyfriend for a year. I find out one night by checking his voice mail and found his ex girlfriend left him friendly messages. I ask him if his ex has ever contacted him or ever met her, he denied it, getting mad at me for accusing him. He flips out on me saying how can I not trust him etc and then he tells me he doesn't want to be with me so to move on. After a week, he calls me then I tell him I know the truth because I heard the messages, then he tells me the truth that they spoke and they met once. He says nothing was going on between them and it's her that calls him. I tried to give it one more try but after a day, I couldn't help it. It bothered me so much that she stills calls him and although he tells me nothing is going on between them, he doesn't tell her not to call because his excuse is that he has a weak heart. I told him I can't be with him if he still does that. It's not that I don't love him, but I told him I can't be with him if he still has baggage. Did I do the right thing by breaking up?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2008): The same thing happened to me recently. I was cheated on and then when I got back together to try to work things out with this person he also had another "ex-girlfriend" in the picture (again) when we got back together. Another time, another woman in the picture, another chance. Even though they were "friends" for a long time, he continuously relies on her for emotional support, if that's what you can call it. Or maybe encouragement?! Yes, that's what it was. If, for example, you break up with him over a fight, he may automatically invite the second chance over to his place because he is less concerned with your feelings and more about his game. I found out this was happening as well, every time we were in a fight she was over at his place, making it all better again. The possibility of having two women admire him is always better than one and we often overlook destructive actions that are not indicative of love. Believe me, It DOES NOT get better, someone like this does not deserve your love, respect, or attention. Like some other people have mentioned here, you have to wonder what this person's motives are. Save yourself from heartache.
A
female
reader, SilverSong86 +, writes (11 March 2008):
Good for you! I had suspicions about my very recent ex and his ex, and then I read one of their IM conversations in which he told her that he was lonely and no one to talk to about his daily life like a good roommate or lover. That hurt me so badly! Then I brought it up with him and he broke up with me! I think you definitely did the right thing. We all deserve someone who loves only us and isn't still hung up on the past.
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A
female
reader, lilmisse2424 +, writes (11 March 2008):
 you definitely did the right thing by breaking up with your boyfriend. he definitely lied to you about the fact that he was over his ex-girlfriend. a guy that hasn't been over his ex is a guy that a girl should not be with because even if he is and he tries to get back with you, he is not worth your time or your trust. it may take some time to move on, but you will have to and be strong. there are other guys out for you, maybe even better.
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A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (10 March 2008):
 Yes I think you did the right thing. He has a "weak heart" for her because his heart still wants her. This is why he can never say "no" to her when she calls. Plus he lied about it, which means even if you take him back, you'll never be able to trust him. He will just get better about deleting his messages before you find them, and covering his tracks. He's still hung up on his ex, and he has no business being with anyone until he's completely through with that one. Be strong and move on.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 March 2008):
 I like the other answers, but remember this as you enter into new relationships, the guilty will become defensive, the innocent won't because there's nothing to defend.
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A
female
reader, nat4sten4eva  +, writes (10 March 2008):
i know howur feeling i'm jus going thruw it, its like if u want me so much why arn't u telling her to leave u alone and he says he dusnt wana b nasty, i hate it coz its killin me and he isnt willin to tell her to leave him alone. i am still deciding i jus dont no wot to do, looks like we got something in common
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