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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi, I posted earlier about my anger issues.Well, the thing is I was infuriated with my boyfriend, at 5 am in the street, and anger controlled me and foolishly I broke a store's window. I punched the glass just because I was out of control. I feel seriously awful about this incident, I feel embarrassed, ashamed of myself! I can't get over it! I just, feel stupid and like a failure, and my boyfriend said he's dissapointed and that if I don't change he'll leave me. I understand this as I know no one wants to be with a basket case like me, but I just can't pick myself up after what I did last night.I can't tell anyone because I'll creep them off, even my friends because I know they don't see myself like that, because they've never seen me angry. I can't tell my parents because they'll obviously ground me or something. I just feel awful about the window, the emotional control issues, the fact that I've screwed up so much with my boyfriend... he's willing to put up with that, he expects me to change and I know I HAVE TO, even if I wasn't with him, but still, I feel so awful for the wrong I've done to him. I know he's done wrong to me too, but I just can't help but feel so ashamed of what I've become. I hate myself.I feel awful about the window. I don't have money to pay for it. I can't even bring myself around the store. I swear, I wasn't myself when I broke it. I hate myself over this, I can't believe I hit this point! What can I do to feel better?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): If you are in the UK, I would suggest you talk to your doctor about where to get counselling to deal with your anger issues. They will help you to try to manage your anger and find more effective ways to control and divert it before it becomes harmfull.
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 You need to come before God to confess your sins and you
need to forgive yourself and not judge yourself too harshly.
It was a mistake due to the anger.
You will promise yourself that you will restore the loss when you have the money .There is a no time period.
Someday when you have the money , you can send it to the owner anonymously.
Pray always that God will help you to manage your anger.
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A
female
reader, pepper27  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 Hi Hunny
You need to focus on why these feelings over power you, You mention anger, embarrassed, failure, ashamed of yourself and even self hate...All these feelings stem from somewere hunny...Its not only looking at your relationship but about your past as well and trying to remember what and why this started to happen...
http://www.youngwomenshealth.org/anger.html
http://www.womensselfesteem.com/index.html
I have found a few sites for you sweetheart to help you overcome these problems you are having at this moment, Dont think this will go on forever hunny, Get to the root of the problem and you will start to heal..Dont live with guilt or feel self hate as this doesnt change anything only acts to enforce feelings of selfworth which in your case at this moment are not good. You are writing in asking for help, This is a possitive step you have done something good, You realise you need help and are strong enough to ask for it..Thats not something to hate yourself for so please dont feel this way hunny, We all make mistakes we all learn and you want to change so your half way there..These links will help you understand alot about yourself and that is a possitive step in the right direction...DONT BEAT YOURSELF UP! TAKE CARE OF YOU AND I HOPE THIS HELPS AND YOU FEEL MUCH BETTER SOON WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (2 June 2008):
 The first step in healing is to take full responsability for your actions. Let them know, in person or by letter what happened to cause their window to break.
Second, with your anger, you're ready to change. What really makes you this angry? Do feel at the moment, it's he who makes you angry, or is it your choice to react this way?
you've already taken the first step, acknowledging this is a problem, and knowing this is not who you want to be.
Write down time you got angry. What happened which you got angry about, and list alternative methods to react, also write an afterthought of if the reaction really fit the cause.
This will start to change your reactive behaviors, giving you different options to choose from in those times when anger generally comes out.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2008): I can't think of anyting that would warrant such anger towards a bf (other than cheating) so I'm guessing you're a bit insecure. This is a really difficult thing to change because it means controlling yourself when you're angry.
The best way to try & fix this I've found is to make it YOUR problem. Focus only on YOU. I noticed you said you "know your bf has done you wrong." What he does doesn't change that it's YOUR problem. Don't make it HIS fault that you're so angry. That seems bad but you cannot make anyone else take ANY responsibility for your actions when you're angry. Don't tell yourself "I only hit him because he did this." For example don't get upset if he does something harmless like talk to another girl. Approach it like nobody can help you but you. You handle yourself
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