A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My GF and I were at a bar and while were standing at the bar waiting for our drinks, some dirtbag in his late 50's comes up to us, drunk off his arse. Stands between my GF and me and puts one arm around my shoulder and one around my GFs. We did NOT know this guy at all, never met him before, but here he is talking to us like ole buddies. We sort of try to shrug him off, but he is drunk so we are lenient/tolerant. Next thing I know my GF jumps back and slaps him and I am like "What happened?" She said he shoved his hands down her pants and even touched her crotch, underneath the pants! He had my GF privates covered by his hand, even for a short second!Anyways, I push him back and he falls down.The bartender proceeds to try and break it up, I tell him I'll take him outside and told the bartender what he did. The bartender objects, but I grab the drunk and drag him outside where I beat the piss out of him. Not overboard, but enough that he'll think twice before pulling a stunt like that. As I am about to head back in the police show up and I get arrested.Well here is the problem. My GF is now mad at me saying that I caused trouble. I'm like I defended your....OUR honor, what was I supposed to do? Let some freak sexually assault my GF? What would you think of me then? I'll pay the fines, whatever, but at least I can walk tall.Was I in the right? I tried to remain tolerant, but you don't just grope someone like that and not expected to get punished.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Ok, I get it, I should have stopped after the push, I went too far; hence why I am not upset about paying my fines or my penalties to society. I'll take the punishment with my head up.
Laura: I understand an incidental grope, but he put his hands down her pants, underneath her underware! That is NOT incidental!
And angzw, some of those lines are obsurd, i.e. "his wife died last year" so does that entitle him to touch and molest every woman in the bar? People want to turn it back on us, or my GF, then they are unreasonable. The only thing I did was take it too far, admitted. But why do we give this perv a pass on it? Talk about the inmates running the asylum.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2010): Women are the most complicTed creatures on earth. If you would have done nothing and just said, "oh he's drunk honey." she would have been mad that you didn't do anything. So you beat him up, and now she's mad you did that. Go figure!
There has to be a balance between being a tough man, and a sensitive one. I would probably have done the same thing you did and my fiancé would be reacting just like your gf is.
Like the other posters said. Getting one good punch in and knocking him to the ground should have been enough. (I wouldve have wanted to take him outside and given him more too!) but as soon as he hit the floor that shouldve been it.
I personally don't care how old he is. He should know not to get that drunk if that's how he reacts. It's not like he was 90. As far as you getting arrested, I guess that's the law. It wouldn't have happened If you wouldn't have dragged him outside because that shows intent to harm. You planned it out. (not that it wasn't justified in my eyes). When you shoved him to the ground that was self defense for your gf.
Just tell her that it's natural for you to defend her and her honor, but that you love her so much it made you angry to know someone touched her like that. Say you took it too far and next time you won't let it get out of control; but that you will always stand up for her.
Good luck
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (3 March 2010):
I think your reaction is perfectly understandable; but unfortunately because of the whole issue of the police, a crowd of onlookers and bar management being involved it may have drawn unwanted attention to her as the girl who started this. My X used to beat up guys who even spoke me and I lived a life of embarassment because people were often curious to see the girl whose honor was being defended. So perhaps just apologize not for defending her, but for taking it too far and making her have to retell her story several times to explain how it all happened. Possibly, people in the crowd were saying stuff to her like "shame! He's old and he was drunk! Your boyfriend is a coward to fight a drunk! We know Bill! He's harmless! His wife died last year!!!" etc. to make her feel guilty for telling on him. They don't see it as you beat him up; they see it as SHE sent you to beat him up. I'm speaking from the experience of sitting in the police waiting area at least 6 times during my last relationship. So just apologize for the embarassment you caused her.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (3 March 2010):
 No man can take it if some sleazy and crazy man gropes your g/f whether he is drunk or pretend to be drunk.
I would think that you could not help it but you took the law into your own hands.
Give him a few good blows there and then and make a citizen arrest for his crime.
By assaulting him , you could open yourself to being sued for assault and battery.
What you did was like using a sledge hammer to kill a fly.
Don't worry, everything will return back to normal again .
Being groped or accidental touching is a part of woman's life. She will learn how to handle that.
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A
male
reader, Heartbroken in love +, writes (2 March 2010):
I agree with the other answers. Here's the deal. There was a psychological time lapse in between the incident and when you took him outside. When you pushed him to the floor you defending her honor. When you dragged him outside you were an angry agressive male. You gf prob dsnt like angry agressive men. What I would have done? Instead of shoving him I would have taken one good blow to the face on him. Then let the bartender pull you off him. Then gather your sanity back. then you get credit for defending her honor and being a man who knows how to collect himself and cool down. See what I mean?
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 I certainly understand your reaction. There's a little voice in the back of my head saying, "right on!"
But it wasn't really a fair fight from the sound of it. Instead it was vigilante justice. You could have called the police and had him charged with sexual assault. The consequences of *that* would last far longer than a black eye. You went too far, and she's annoyed by that, even if your intentions were honourable.
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A
female
reader, MissKin  +, writes (2 March 2010):
 I think the fact that you cared enough about the situation shouldn't be ignore. Your girlfriend is mad at how far you took it (but personally i don't blame you. I'd have beat him up myself if he did that to me. He shouldn't be allowed to grope people in such a private way.) But you should explain this to your girlfriend, give it time to rest and try to control yourself a little next time and maybe tell the bouncer and consult the police? Violence to a certain degree is understandable (but probably not wise to accomodate it constantly) but taking it too far CAN get you into trouble.
I'm sure your girlfriend will get over it as you really did just react the way your heart told you too!
Try not to fight over it. and don't play the 'im right ur wrong' game with each other. It is what it is.
hope it works out. xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): You're right in the sense that what that man did was completely out of hand, but so was your reaction. Shouting at him/shoving him once is one thing, beating him up is another. She's angry at you for behaving so disgracefully. Yes, you meant well, but that is not a good way to resolve disputes. You went too far and she's letting you know by being mad at you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2010): He was really old!!!! I mean come on! and pissed i mean your really young and stronger. It's not nice you twat. You could have just got him barred from the bar for touching her genitals
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