A
female
age
36-40,
*otallylostandsad
writes:Today I got into an argument with my husband. The row started getting worse and then i pushed him and slapped him in the face. I also scratched him when he pushed me back. I've done this a few years ago and thought I'm over my 'anger' feelings. I am not sure what might be triggering this in me- it might be when i'm feeling that I am losing. back then he said I should get some mental help. But my financial situation cant afford to pay for psychiatric help.Now today he said he wont take it anymore and wants to divorce.But i still love him and am very angry at myself and want to still be with him.Our life seemed to getting better and we were becoming happier with each other again and suddenly I did this.Can anyone help me please?I am totally lost, confused, sad and very angry at myself. I seem to always blow up what makes me happy.I am a very negative person and if there is something i like i try to turn it into something bad.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): This post made me cry.May God bless you both whatever decision you guys take
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): I really don't know how to start this, I just saw my wife (The person who posted this post" crying and when I asked her about the reason; she just gave me the Laptop to read her post and all of your comments.
I don't know how can I put this in a short way or even how to find the soul/breathe with which I can speak about my marriage or what happened today!!
Shall I start with the deep depression I have been living in/with for the last 7 years of my life?!
Or shall I mention the hundreds of times I was insulted by my wife and not responding to that in the way you all might think all men respond with (Telling myself that she will change, she is still young, she will learn by time, by love and by patience)?!!
Shall I mention the ever patronising tone she uses with me, of the MEN ARE PIGS line she keeps repeating (Without actually any experience with men)!!
Shall I mention how evrything I like is STUPID and female I know is a SLUT and her family asking her NOT to get pregnant from me?!!
How many times my wife did something that insults me and it was me who didn't stop it!! how many times I felt tried of trying to ask her to respect me and in the end I gave in/up and just lived my life with her!!
My wife put everything in a very smiple way, I attacked my husband, I still love him, please help!!!
I wish it was that smiple ... my wife didn't mention how everybody is saying that I really am killing myself in work to give us a better life we both deserve.
She didn't mention that in the last 2 years and half in particular I handled what no man could handle enough that I became like a bag of bones, sleeping in my gazebo (in street) to save the B&B money for her MA fees and our life.
Waking up in buddles of water and not being able to go use the toilet for the whole day because I am the only one operating a market business on his own and I have no chance to go for a toilet break.
If I count the incedients which would show what kind of marriage I had with my wife for the last 6 years I wouldn't find enough time to mention everything.
From attacking me, scratching my who upper half, including a deep scratch on my face (which took a month to heal) and having to go to work like this (Believe it or not I used to be a legal translator and I used to work at an Embassy ... so imagine going to meet the prime minister or a party leader looking like that!!!) and what was the reason: A friend of mine came home to talk with me about a potential partnership and brough his girlfriend with him!!!!) this incedent cause me beside the attach, smashing the Xmas tree along with a 750 euros worth TV!!!
Or shall I start from the endless LIFE WILL NEVER WORK atmosphere my wife has been making me live in for years.
Never patient, always sad, never supporting and always asking for life to be good, happy and RIGHT NOW not any later!!!
I try to make ends meet to the best of my ablity and while I am doing that somebody who is suppose to be appreciating my killing myself trying to make things happen, is always telling me that things is not going to work and that she is sad and that life is not fair and that everything is taking too long (noting that even a week is too long for my wife).
Rude and patronising tone, insults and pysical attacks to which I could repsond like any other ordinary man without being blamed ... but, I chose to be patient and couldn'y hurt my wife the way she hurts me.
You might think that I am making myself look like an angel or that I am against my wife ... on the contrary, I am always blaming myself for not bieng able to speed life up for her and even after she did today and taking the decision of divorcing her I still feel so sad for her and today While she was crying I was being torn from inside because she is sad!!
There is no doubt that I do love my wife and I wish things went in a diffenet way but, how can I go on with someone who will one day slap my face and attack me in front of my kids!!!
Yes, I am dying to have kids and I know I will never be able to have them with my wife because I'd simply rather kill myself before I see my kids seeing me being hit or insulted.
I am too tired to try again, I tired for years and nothing changed. I am too tired to do anything after being emtoinly drained for years.
I do love her and I know I will always have her in my heart but my wife made impossible for me to keep both Her and my pride in my life.
My wife knows how much I love her and also knows how tired I am and how hard I work. she knows how I handled a lot of pain from her family and from her .. I do know that she loves me, but even I though that y love for her will change things to the better, how come I trust that her love will do us any better.
I wish I could say more or put things in a better way, but I am honestly so tired and I see no hope in any more of US. I had that hope for years and I do believe now that it is time for both of us to seek new beginnings or at least to be away from each other.
I am not an angel nor that she is a devil .. my wife is so sweet as a person and so hurting as a wife or life partner .. and this is a problem.
I am sorry for the long in-put but who knows .. maybe someone will tell her what I never said being kind to her.
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A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (17 August 2010):
Your biggest problems is your last sentence. You are negative because you are chosing to be. It is effecting you're entire life apparently. You can just as easily be positive if you choose to be. Its all up to you.....
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 August 2010):
 YouWish makes a very good point. If you were a man the responses you have gotten would likely have been very different. My own included. I still think you should seek professional help, but I'm rethinking if you should try to save your marriage.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Time for your husband to get away from you before the poor guy gets hurt.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 August 2010):
 OMG. If you were a guy who wrote a post like yours, or if you were a girl who wrote about your husband doing that to you, the number of "Get away from him" posts would be staggering. We would all agree that he is abusive and that there is no excuse for this kind of behavior, and that the abuser will never change.
YOU are that abuser. There is no excuse for anyone to put their hands on anyone else, and to do so is utterly unpardonable. You deserve to be alone if you are unable to control yourself, and while you are alone, you need to devote your life to becoming a better person through intense therapy and serious self-control.
Do you realize what you are doing to your husband? You are making him a BATTERED spouse. You are scarring him for life and hurting what is good in him. It doesn't matter one bit if you are "weaker" than he is - it's devastating to the core when someone who is supposed to love you can put their hands on you, and you don't feel safe with your life partner. What's next, you choking him? Shooting him? Pummelling him? Breaking his leg while he's sleeping? Throwing breakable objects at him?
Unless you are willing to pay and do whatever it takes to change permanently, you SHOULD be alone. Do NOT ever bring children into this world, because there's only one thing more heartbreaking than spousal abuse, and that's child abuse. :(
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 August 2010):
 There are some really good choices out there in anger management that teach you how to harness the energy of a 'blow-up" and put it into a box(a part of the brain). i'd suggest you seek out this typ counseling and by the way, do not purchase any fire arms. Good luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2010): Go to your GP and discuss your options, you should be able to get counselling for free on the NHS, either way you have to sort out your head.
Your health, including your mental health is far more important than money, so beg, steal or borrow if you have to, don't let lack of money hold you back. What use is having money if you're miserable anyway?
Go to your doctor and go soon. You need to set up a plan to find out what is wrong with you and get treatment. Only when he sees you're serious about it and actually doing something about it can he consider not leaving you, afterall you already told him it wouldn't happen again so words means nothing, you have to act. Lack of money is not an excuse because there are other options available.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (17 August 2010):
Honestly, therapy is the only thing that can help you. Maybe if you show you're willing to get professional help, he might change his mind about the divorce. You'll have to show him with your actions, words will mean very little at this point.
Part of your negativity and self destructive behavior could stem from depression or some other mental disorder. Only a professional will be able to say for sure. Please do what you can to seek help. It will be important regardless of if your marriage ends or not.
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (17 August 2010):
 Time out. When u think the row is getting worse, u need to yell time out before u go any further. It sounds to me like u are at ur breaking point, u went to the point of physical violence though. I dont necessarily agree with him pushing u, unless he thought u could seriously hurt him. Now, if I were u I would take a week away from ur husband to give u time to calm down and relax. Plus, to give him time to rethink divorce..tell him ur doing this for the both of u..that way u can clear ur mind and come at this problem with a positive approach. Tell him u want to get help to sort this out, maybe get some meds to aid, or maybe even anger-management classes? I would say therapy is more ideal, find some possible way to pay for it.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (17 August 2010):
 I'm so sorry to hear this. You have to tell him you will get some help. Is there not a charity organisatin that can help you deal with these issues for free? it could take months or years for him to trust you again. Are you harbouring some sort of resentment towards him? Has he mentally abused you or cheated on you in the past or anything? or is he just 'too nice'. Try reading some self help books on anger too. I hope he doens't want to divorce you and it works out - and if it does work out again, count your lucky stars, as if you do it a 3rd time the chances are that he will be gone forever.It seems that when things are going ok, you try to destroy it. Try to work out why, and go to some sort of self healing or meditation group or whatever it is before you lose him forever. I wish you all the luck in the world. xx let us know what happens xxxx
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A
female
reader, Mature Lady +, writes (17 August 2010):
There is no more excuse for a women attacking a man than the other way about,would you and your husband not consider going to see a marriage counseller who could probably help you to see someone for anger management,you obviously still love your husband and it is worth a try to save your marriage.
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