A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am a more touchy-feely person than my wife is. I think she is incredibly sexy and to show her I think so and to be affectionate I like to lightly slap or rub her bum for instance when she is standing at the sink doing dishes. It's a cheap thrill for me (I think her ass is fantastic) and I was hoping it would make her feel like I still think she is sexy after 20 years of marriage.However, in one of my more sensitive moments, I asked her if it bothered her or if she thought it was misogynist. She said it didn't bother her at all, but that she thought "it is stupid" (her words). I told her that I am just trying to be affectionate.Well, needless to say, I am a little bit hurt by her admission. I don't touch her bum at all anymore now. To be honest, I feel like she poured cold water on what was, to me, an innocent expressions of the lust I have for her. It's her body and I respect that, but if it doesn't bother her then what's so stupid about it? Her statement bothers me now.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 July 2011):
 I sort of agree with your wife .
Nothing exactly wrong with what you do, and actually it does not bother her.... but it's too a clumsy and impersonal approach to sugggest her anything else that " When I 'm near a piece of ass, I grab it ".
A slap on your butt when you pass by it's not particularly tender of affectionate, it's just lustful. And lustful does not mean " sensual " or "erotic ", obviously it does not turn her or evoke sexy thoughts for her. You are doing it because YOU like it, and she is nice enough to let you do it, but don't sulk if she finds it sort of juvenile.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (3 July 2011):
 I have to agree with your wife.
while it would NOT bother me if my man smacked my tush when walking by... it would not indicate to me that he found me attractive or desirable.
I don't find my tush attractive or desirable. You want to show me you want me.. come up behind me... put your arms around me and nuzzle my neck....
a smack on the ass is not very personal.
a nuzzle on the neck with whispered words of adoration yeah that's the ticket.
DO NOT punish your wife for being HONEST with you.... she told you the truth... now what you do is say "I thought I was showing you how I felt about you, that I wanted you... if that's not the right thing to do, TELL ME WHAT IS"..... use this moment to deepen your communication....
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A
female
reader, elizabeth1986  +, writes (3 July 2011):
Hiya,It's horrible getting the truth when it's something that you didn't want to know. The good thing is that you did ask, so don't feel hurt by the reply, tell yourself well done, because not many men would be considerate enough to ask in the first place. Everyone enjoys different things. She wasn't bothered by it, it just didn't have the same effect on her as it does for you and that's fine.I'd say, in my opinion, is that it's nicer to be complimented while not doing the dishes. I'd prefer it if my boyfriend, instead of grabbing my ass, came and did the dishes for me, or took over and told me to sit down and chill out. Or maybe you could take her out and tell her how beautiful she looks then? Doing the dishes is an awful task. Maybe there are more suitable times and places you could tell her how attractive she is?It's obvious you love her very much and find her attractive, just take the challenge of finding other new and exciting ways to do it :) good for you for asking I say!!! :)
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