A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a very controlling (sometimes abusive man)... we've been together since we were both 22...I got pregnant when I was 23, and I moved into his apartment so we could raise the baby together. When I was about 3 months pregnant he started acting violent towards me. If we would have a fight, he would get very angry and say something like "I don't want your fucking child living in my house, I don't want you to have that little brat", etc. and he would throw things towards my stomach or try to push me over. I broke up with him the first time it happened, or at least I tried to... he told me he would die without me and he actually called me on the phone with a gun in his hand and when I got to his apartment he was sitting there filling it with bullets. I came back to him because I felt bad but I told him he was never ever allowed to touch me again in anger.He said he wouldn't, but he did... it's pretty easy to stop him most of the time, I just yell "you promised not to touch me, stop or I'll leave" or something and then he'd snap out of it. Anyway, now we have our child and we're still together but I am very unhappy. He has a temper (he doesn't touch me anymore, not since I gave birth to our son)... he gets angry and irritated at me over nothing...And I am pregnant again... I m very afraid that the violence will start up if I continue with this pregnancy. I want to leave him but I have nowhere to go, I have no close friends (we drifted apart) and my family moved to another state a couple of years ago, I don't have a well paying job (no time) so I don't have much money. And I love him, I don't want him to kill himself if I leave. I have nowhere to go. I don't know what to do about this new pregnancy... I am about a month along, I believe, I haven't made a doctors appointment yet because I don't want to tell my boyfriend that I'm pregnant. But I took about 6 at home tests (in the bathroom at the mall so my boyfriend wouldnt see) and they were all positive. What is the best thing to do??? I am considering aborting this foetus because I don't want to go through all that pain and violence again- especially now that i have a little boy, i dont want him to see his mommy and daddy fighting like that.Help me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): I think he needs someone to talk to and you do to this is not healthy for anyone here even your husband you have to go to the doctors and make sure your not in any danger with this pragnancy and you do need to tell him about it even if the decision is to abort he still needs to know it is after all his child too and he will find out about it one way or another as abortion is a form of surgery and you will need to go to the hospital so perhaps take him to the doctors with you so you dont actually have to break the news to him the doctor will do that for you then you can discuss the options.. as far as his violent behavior this needs to be sorted out asap for you your sons and your unborn babys safty if you can talk to him maybe suggest you both go and talk to someone
good luck
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Wow, this dude needs some serious help.
I'd be getting as far away from him as is humanly possible and having him forcibly committed as suicide risk.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 March 2008): Sweetheart I really feel for you. You must leave this man as he is a threat to the safety of your baby, your unborn child and you.
Please, please leave immediately, you will be able to start over and will make new friends and a whole new life. It seems hard to imagine now, as you become used to him being the center of your world, but you can do it, and you must.
Please tell someone, ring a helpline, move to your parents for a while, anything! Do it soon. Think of your childrem if you feel weak and tempted to stay.
He won't kill himself, I promise you! He's a bully and bullies are weak people, he wouldn't go through with it!
Please take some action soon and good luck xxx
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A
male
reader, Stroller  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Google 3 words:
womens' refuge your_town
Even if you don't think you can leave him, at least go and have a chat.
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A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 sweetie, u need to know what is the definition of love. he belittles u, and hes hit u in the past, hes threatened ur child before while pregnant, and U STILL LOVE HIM?
in many places childrens protection services will remove the children forcibly, if u cant come to make the decision thats necessary. and, u say ur pregnant AGAIN. were u on ANY type of birth control? AT ALL? u should of taken ALL PREVENTATIVE MEASURES to assure u did not get pregnant. i assume u have heard of the morning after pill? so now ur pregnant? well, i had an abortion once myself with an ex husband, who was mysteriously murdered 2 weeks later. but i have NO regrets doing it. because it was what was right for me. since im pro choice, i would advise u to look into this and if u do it, do it for u. and dont let ANYBODY family members, friend etc tell u u should not. in the end, all the help will still not take the reality away. this child, is ur responsiblity. welfare especially in the u.s is infamous. in a bad way. it wont provide u what u really need . and, its not the life u want for 2 children. its very hard to be a single mom and on welfare and raising 2 childdren and getting help for emotional problems that are the result of the abuse u have been thru. so do what u think is best. and dont ever regret any decisions u make regarding the unborn child. women fought for the right to have abortions, so exercise ur american right to choose. and, leave this guy. its not love u feel for him. but the fact hes all u know right at the moment, and its scary to leave. i was in an abusive arranged marriage at a young age. and it took me a long time to get the courage to leave. even though for others they thought, its easy. just leave. but its not easy for the one whos in it. i know, its complicated. i have been there. but i got the strenght to leave after the ex beat the living shit out of me with copper piping. the bruises were outrageous. and the emotional scarring was horrendous. but i survived. and today, im in a healthy relationship with a man id give my life for. and im so grateful. so dont waste ur youth and spark any longer. leave now, and reignite ur inner flame. and find the life and happiness u crave and deserve. maybe one day in time when ur ready again, u will find a true love and man who will hold u dearly and love u and put u upon his head like a crown and treat u like a queen. and oin return u will treat him like ur king. be eachothers heaven and earth and u will find u can move mountains togethr. but this guy, well, the only thing that will be moving is urself, ur son, and ur belongoings. act fast. and dont even let himkn ow if its that bad. or call the cops to escort u out of the house to see u safely out. and dont evr contact this piece of shit man. good luck and if u have any questions further, u may message me at any point in time and i will respond. good luck dear
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A
male
reader, Namatjira +, writes (16 March 2008):
Hi, you are in a really difficult situation right now. First you need to accept the he, and only he, is responsible for himself and whether or not he will commit suicide. I think it unlikely that he will carry out that threat but if he ever did you must NOT blame yourself.
I do think he is a controlling jackass and an all together bad sort. I know you have some feelings for him but really you would be better off without him. Yes you are alone at the moment and it seems like you have nowhere to go. Perhaps that is what he is counting on. Always there are shelters and places where you could get help. For advice you have here. You need to decide what is best for you and your children, then do it.
With regard to this pregnancy, if all was well in your life, would you want this child? A decision to abort is serious and can have many repercussions so do not make it lightly or without consulting your doctor and possibly a counsellor.
Lastly, I think any man who hits a woman, particularly a pregnant one in the manner you have described is not deserving of being called a man and is the lowest form of life. You do deserve better than that, but it will not happen until you become free, physically, emotionally, mentally, and economically. You may need some help making plans for how to become independent like this in which case myself and I am sure many others here will assist with advice, comfort, and friendship. You are not alone.
Message me if I can help.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Bean317 +, writes (16 March 2008):
Can you contact your parents and live with them for a while? I would hate to see you abort a baby...I know you're in a pickle though. You can't live your life in fear and keep your children in an unsafe environment like that though. I would really try to contact someone. Even if you have drifted from your friends, I'm sure they still care about you and would be willing to help you out. Just try to contact someone. Hang in there, i feel for you
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