A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I broke up with my girlfriend about a year ago now. I had an affair and started an open relationship with her but it really did not work out since she had too many head problems. I continue to think of my ex girl since she was the best thing that had happened to me but i was scared that we would get serious and I wanted at the time to adventure and as I said it did not work out. I am thinking of contacting her again and telling her that I am the one who screwed up and am really sorry. I really do continuet to care for her. What do you think she might say if I ask her out. I did call her for Christmas to wish her good holidays. and since then she has been on my mind. I think she also still cares for me since I knew she loved me. Should I try again and she what she says? One other thing I think that she moved to the city where I live what should I think of that? She said it was becasue of a job and she is working there now. I just was think that maybe she moved here for me. Should that influence me in any way?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2012): Having been there I must tell you that she DESERVES to hear that you KNOW it was your fault and that you know you must change. My ex bf did exactly what you did. However, he decided he put me through enough and did not tell me he still cared. Two years passed and now he is in a relationship and has called me behind her back. That is still cheating. Meanwhile, the fact that he decided to not call me when he knew he had to change is burdening him--he mentions it in each conversation. Now we are not speaking again and a few months ago he wanted to see me. There is my point, you will be burdened by the 'what if' if you do not see her and actually talk WITH her. It is unfair of you to expect her to just fall into place with you and both of you would have to make this work. You have to prove that she can trust you. Go for it. It will be a burden to look back and know you did not try. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): I think you should contact her and ask to see her. It won’t hurt to ask her out and see what she is thinking. It's probably better if you talk to her in person. It’s obvious you still have feelings for her. Just do it, you have nothing to lose and hopefully you can make amends. Don’t be discouraged by what other people say. Follow your heart.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012): I think you should contact her and ask to see her. It won’t hurt to ask her out and see what she is thinking. It will be best to talk to her in person. It’s obvious you still have feelings for her. Just do it, you have nothing to lose and hopefully you can make amends. Don’t be discouraged by what other people say. Follow your heart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): sure why not call her and tell her of your feelings. you don't have anything to lose. However, don't have any expectations from her. You did cheat on her, after all, so it's likely your words and declarations of love will ring hollow and if she were the one here asking for advice I'd suggest to her to stay away from you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): What do you have to lose by contacting her? If you genuinely still care for her and have every intention to be honest and faithful, go for it. You have nothing to lose. But honestly, you need to man up. How much does this woman really mean to you? Are you willing to fight for her back? Does she mean that much to you? Only those who know what they want go after it and at least try.
If she actually gave you the time of day during Christmas to talk and didn’t hang up on you or cast every swear word at you, then I would say the girl still cares about you. Let me be honest, most women throw two-timers to the curb and never look back. You must realize communication is what makes solid, healthy relationships.
From the sounds of it, you were scared that you would get serious. I realize some men are fearful of commitment, but it’s the smart ones who realize that they are not giving up anything by being with one woman; in fact, they are gaining the one they truly love. And sorry to say this, but it sounds quiet arrogant on your part to criticize her motives for moving to the city where you live. You either want her in your life or you don’t. If she moved for a job, realize this happens a lot. A lot of guys would love to be closer to the girl he loves.
You ask if you should try again. It seems that you really care about her, perhaps love her. At this point, you better be willing to admit your love for her if you even want a future with her. I say try again if you are not looking for greener grass on the other side. No one deserves that.
I’m sure you realize that women want to be with someone they trust and who respects them, first and foremost (I’m sure you would want the same). It will take a lot on your part to win that back. Admitting when you are wrong is a huge step forward. It takes a very special person to wholeheartedly forgive. If she does this, mark yourself a very, very, very lucky man. The one piece of advice I will give you is that if you know you will live in regret by not trying, then you already answered your question about contacting her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012): It seems to me that you still love her. But as so many others have already told you that you need to be sure that you will not hurt her again. The heart is fragile and you need to protect her from any further hurt. If she decided to forgive you, you will be the luckiest man to have such a wonderful girl in your life. Most girls would have told you to go hang yourself. Just because you think of her does that mean you love her or not? You need to call her if your sure that you will care for her like she deserves. She must be a really special girl if she still cares about you and can even talk to you after all the things you did. When you love someone you will be true to them and only them that is true love. You will have eyes for no one else and you will make a place that is stable, full of love and that love will grow. You will work to gain her trust back because without trust there is no respect. Those are the two ingredients that are needed to have a healthy relationship and if you have neither then you have nothing.
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A
female
reader, bardia +, writes (1 February 2012):
 You had better be 100% sure that you've changed & grown & are ready for true commitment. Because if you're lucky enough to be offered a second chance, if you jerk her around again you should just find a rock to crawl under. Put your big-boy pants on, man-up and decide what you really want in life. You owe her your utmost committment. Do you love her and want her above all others, because there are a lot of other pretty shiny new girls out there? Are you really ready for this? Have you got the wanderlust "out of your system"? Have you sown all your wild oats. You're dealing with the heart and life of another fragile human being. Don't even bother unless you're ready for it, body, mind and soul.
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (1 February 2012):
 Just tell her how you feel. What do you have to lose? I'm sure she thinks about you. A little communication can go a long ways. No one is ever offended at the prospect of love.
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A
male
reader, MajorDisplayerOfInternationalPlayerBehavior +, writes (1 February 2012):
Just tell her how you feel. What do you have to lose? I'm sure she thinks about you. A little communication can go a long ways. No one is ever offended at the prospect of love.
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