A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Let me start by saying I love my wife so much but we have a little problem.We have had 3 great children and as things happen my wife is larger down below. I only have a small penis just under 5 inches, now we know that is not enough in that department. We use dildos and magic wand to help her get her kicks. We now use a toy called "thick your dick", It makes my penis about 10 inches and realy thick, she loves it but it's not the same as a real one. I am thinking about suggesting to her about maybe involving other men so she gets satisfied but how do I go about this. I love her and just want her to be happy in all departments. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): Don't do it. My ex suggested an open relationship because he felt sex and love were separable, not due to his size. It ruined our 7 year relationship. I was naiive at the time to think it wouldn't.
If your wife is a cold, heartless woman than maybe she can have emotionless sex, however if not, at some level she will have feelings for any man that she has sex with. It is a fact. Sex for women isn't only about penis size, there has to be some attraction for it to be great sex. When you let another man sleep with your wife, you are bringing another person in the relationship. This other man could also start to have feelings for your wife, and you don't know what he will do.
Communicate with her and ask her if there are some fantasies that she would like to play out, like role-playing. It sounds obvious, but sometimes women hold back and don't tell you everything. Also, sometimes longing makes the heart grow fonder. Maybe take small trips without each other, I am sure you will find sex is better when you come back together, even if you're only apart for 2 days.
If that's not enough, the other woman's idea of having surgery done to correct your wife's size is a great idea. I think that your wife would like that idea better than sex with someone else.
A
female
reader, Gypsii  +, writes (28 November 2008):
Ah ha...I didn't realize that she'd raised the size issue. Well, for me personally, I wouldn't put this type of burden on my husband because his size isn't something that he has any control over. Since you've already brought into the relationship someone else and she appeared to enjoy it, it's apparent that what you're really concerned about is her cheating on you without your knowledge. That is, you know already that she's enthusiastic about other men so apparently it's time for you and she to have an honest conversation about what's really going on.
The size issue should not be used as a reason for not having sex with you. You seem more than willing to modify in order to satisfy her so either she's really selfish or just doesn't take into consideration your needs and feelings. I don't like the idea of other people involved in the sex life because it opens up too many other deep issues AND it solves one problem yet creates another (i.e. her leaving you out and you feeling even more alienated from her sexually).
I'm a spiritual woman as well so there are also other implications of bringing in others. However, I don't want to offend you with my beliefs so, unless you're interested in that perspective, I won't get into that.
Hang in there and don't lose yourself in all of this. Has your wife ever considered surgery to correct her "large" issue?
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A
female
reader, Gypsii +, writes (27 November 2008):
Don't invite anyone into your bedroom because, believe it or not, she will not respect you as a man afterward. All women want subconsciously want to know that they have a man who will take on the world to keep other men away from them. Women want men who they know will take no crap from other men and who will protect them. Therefore, if you even mention the idea of bringing another man into your bed, you're inadvertently emasculating yourself which is exactly what she doesn't need you to do.
Why not focus on other ways of sexual fulfillment such as romance, intimacy, and sex toys, etc... If she's not complaining about it, then don't feel so intimidated. For some women size does indeed matter while for others it isn't a big deal. Just as there are some guys that would be completely turned off by a flat chested woman, there are men who could care less. The solution to the flat chest though isn't to bring into the bed a busty woman. Again, doing that will simply say to the man that his woman doesn't care enough about him to fight off all of the busty women out there!
Continue to be a man in every way to her and she'll treat you like a king. There's no need for you to walk around feeling inadequate because women are turned on by CONFIDENCE! Be the confident king of your castle and she'll be puddy in your hands!
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A
female
reader, Kathh +, writes (27 November 2008):
 Ah my heart goes out to you.
Size for many people does not matter - I have never had an issue with size through sexual partners of varying sizes, only those that have been too large.
Is your wife unable to come through penetrative sex with you? Have you tried oral prior to penetration or even some manual while you are having sex? i.e. so called 'doggy' fashion is good as you can penetrate deep while reaching around to manually stimulate.
In a loving relationship there is no way, no way at all that it can sustain a third party. Please remember that for the majority of woman sex is linked to emotion, for example I choose to remain in one sexual relationship with someone despite the fact that I can't come through penetrative sex simply because I love them. Plus the oral and manual makes up for it!
I think all things considered you need to have an honest chat about how you feel and take things from there.
Let us know how it goes.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (27 November 2008):
 don't involve anyone else, what if she wants the other guy, then what will you do, there is always a slim chance of that happening. go to anne summers, try a different sex toy every week, spice up your life. Its funny how 'you' are suggesting the other men' sounds like an easy 'get out'. Use your imagination and then she won't need another man. Don't put yourself down, size doesnt matter, it's what you do with it that counts. hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): You can't do anything about your penis, but she can do something about her vagina. As person below suggested, if she thinks she's small, kegel exercises would be good.
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A
female
reader, littlemomma +, writes (27 November 2008):
 dude, I hate to say it but size aint everything. So what if you have a small penis? There are sooo many ways out there to please her without having to have a large penis. Plus to be honest, she aint be to faithful to you or truly caring about your feelings.I mean yes she may love you but...no matter what when you have sex with someone who aint your hubby...it's cheating. Plus if she really cared she wouldnt blame you and your penis 'cause it would end up hurting your self asteem and later cause even more issues outside of just sex. May you should talk to her, let her know how you truly feel, and read some books TOGETHER about please BOTH of you in more ways than just size. Maybe even go to counciling like the other poster recomended?Try anything OTHER than bringing someone else in.Good luck!Best Wishes
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo hope of going to therapy she says we have toys. so i think i will have to become a expert sex toy opperator but i am just getting the feeling if we invite people into our sex life then at least i know whats going on and i think its better than her straying and keeping it from me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): I don't think you should buy that excuse. Obviously many people in long term relationships would enjoy sexual encounters with a different partner from time to time,it can be exciting, but I personally think it is to risky.I also do not think she is being fair to you to blame it on your penis size. NO. I think she is being unfair and down right hurtful towards you. I think if hse has a flabby vagina after giving birth to 3 children she should start doing some pelvic msucle exercises to tighten her vaginal muscles. However, you could both gain by going to therapy and dicover ways to overcome this problem. Ther are techniques that can help you to increase your sexual enjoyment and that would not involve bringing other partners into your marital relationship. Bringing other partners in can only make you drfit further apart and not bring you closer to mutual satisfaction and bonding.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry i should of said we have done this once in the past we had a person come round seduce her and the idea she had was me join in but he made her so horny she forgot about me and just enjoyed herself. Please dont take it the wrong way but I was not bothered, the main thing was she was enjoying her self. My wife said to me the reason we don't have that much sex is down to size if I was bigger we probably would have sex more.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): OH dear, no don't involve other people in your marriage and least of all in your sexual activities. It is to riksy emotionally and it is to risky with disease and AIDS.There are other methods you can use to satisfy your wife and if need be get counselling.A woman can reach orgasm without penetration so I do not see how the size of your penis can prevent her from being satisfied. Too flabby a vagina after repeated childbirht is more of a problem because it doesn't give the penis a feeling of snugness which mens os enjoy.But pelvic muscle exercises can be of tremendous help to get the vaginal muscles back into trim. Many women find that training there pelvic muscles have another benefit, as it can be an exciting variation to contract and relax the muscles with their partner's penis isndie them. A change in position can also be very helpful if a woman has a stretched vagina. Some women find that closing there legs after insertion of the peins makes it nicer for both of them. Any position in which the penis goes in at an angle can also be pleasant.
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