A
male
age
36-40,
*ander88
writes:Hiya everyone, I really need some advice on making good friends. I can set up conversations pretty easily but then the night or event ends, nothing happens and I'm back to wishing I had even one person apart from my mum every now and then. I know this sounds shallow and I know it has nothing to do how you look and it's all confidence bla bla bla. But I swear to God some people are just born with it. One guy I really fancied just attracted me through that alone. I couldn't even have told anyone what colour his eyes were for a while because I really was just obsessed with how he owned himself. Can that be learnt?I'm 20 and a guy and I think my problem is because I've just moved to Egypt for my Year Abroad. I'm joining a local Martial Arts club tomorrow night so that should help. My problem is I can talk to people and find reasons to get a conversation flowing but then that's it. I don't know what else to do. Also, what is confidence? I know it's not easy to get it but I'd appreciate some tips. I know I'm only 20 but I'm so afraid that if I can't even get a friend how can I get a boyfriend.Let me stress I do like being on my own and appreciate what that can give me in terms of freedom to do what I want when I want but sometimes everyone wants somebody to talk to, right?Thanks for any help,J.
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male
reader, Undisclosed  +, writes (27 November 2008):
 This is actually very simple. I don't like recommending books but I will in this case because it's the most effective answer. It really, really is this simple:
How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie.
It been around and updated for close to a century. It's authoritative and works. I have no doubt that even reading just one chapter from this book will make a radical difference in your situation.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): The thing to remember is that others can lack confidence too and that sometimes its best to make the first move. If there is someone you'd like to spend more time with, you could say just that, or suggest something low key like going for a coffee, something that won't take long and is no big deal.Good luck. You certainly circulate which is a good start.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2008): Hi, sounds as if you are on the road to making friends by simply joining the martial arts club. You are still young and people have life long friends they have made while they are young. Just keep mingling with people and the ones with the same interests as you and meeting in the same circles will eventually turn into good friendships hopefully. Try arranging to do some other activity with people you do talk to, friendship is a two way thing, dont wait to be asked to join in all the time. It will come eventually, just takes a bit of practise. You seem confident enough as you have gone to the trouble to join an activity. A lot of people your age struggle to do someting like that. Good luck. hope this helps.
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