A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I met a guy 2 weeks ago at my local pub. We've kept in touch by txt. I am suppose to be going out tonight with him. He is 30, 7 years younger than me. We have nothing in common, he likes to drink frequently, used to do drugs, and doesn't have any children. But he is doing well being off drugs and is trying to keep fit. I dont even want to date a younger guy though, especially someone that doesn't have children, ive been there and bought the t shirt before. Infact at the moment i dont want to date anyone. I like being single and am only a few months out a 2 year disfunctional relationship. I am going horse riding tomorrow, ive treated myself because i gave up smoking couple of months ago. Haven't been on a horse for 20 years! But love them. Children will be at daddies this weekend. And i can just see us going out tonight, getting trollied, me having a hangover tomorrow and not wanting to go horseriding, yet ive looked forward to it all week.The guy is really looking forward to it, so i will feel guilty if i dont go. Do you think it would be awful to cancel? I keep telling myself whats the point, i dont want to date him, then i tell myself that it wont hurt to have a drink. But i bet tomorrow i will regret it!
View related questions:
drugs Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all for your answers. Just to let you know, i went for the drink, told him beforehand that i only had a couple of hours, he was cool with that. We had a good chat, and he isn't long out a relationship, and it doesn't sound like he is completely over it either. We will be staying in touch, and possibly will go out in a couple of weeks, but have left that open, so theres no pressure. But it was fine. And he went out with his mate into town after, so alls well that ends well!
Off horseriding soon. So excited!!!
Bye for now
Thanks again, your brill xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 June 2008): I think there's a really important point in a woman's life when she learns do listen to what SHE wants to do, and does that.
There are loads of times when you need to (and should) sacrifice what YOU want for what would be best for someone else. You say you have kids; my personal opinion is that the reason my mom was so amazing is that we always knew we came first -- she was completely selfless -- whatever she did, it was because she thought it was what was best for us in the long run. When you're in a relationship, there are compromises to make. Using my mom as an example again, she lives on a bloody farm in the middle of nowhere, even though she'd rather be in a city, b/c it was important to my father.
You say you just got out of a dysfunctional relationship. It sounds like maybe your realtionship with your kids' father didn't work out before that. It sounds like you've had a run of bad experiences in the love department, and that you're just beginning to feel good being on your own. That's wonderful! I think you should stick with that. When a wonderful guy comes along, you'll know it, and you'll be ready. In the meantime, take care of yourself, and go horseback riding.
It's a little unfortunate for the guy who thought he was going to have a date on Sat night and then finds out he won't. But he'll live. And next time, you'll know yourself a bit better and be a bit more confident saying "no thanks" at the outset, if it's not someone you're really interested in seeing.
Have fun riding.
...............................
A
female
reader, Twirly +, writes (28 June 2008):
 I wouldn't go if I were you, follow your instincts and phone and cancel with an excuse as suggested below.
There is no point starting something if you're so cleary not interested. Okay so you accepted the date, so what, you were probably being nice.
Don't feel bad either, otherwise you will end up 6 months down the line in a relationship you never wanted to be in, just because you didn't like to say no!
Enjoy your horsedriding! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (28 June 2008):
I think Uncle sneaker has the right idea.
But I have 2 things for you to consider....
1. Why did you agree to it in the first place?
2. Why can't you not drink if you went out?
If you have a problem saying No then you must have some pretty severe confidence issues, and since you have kids, and have managed to quit smoking and take up new hobbies, that doesn't add up.
Have a think about how you got in this situation and work on that.
Have great fun with your horses!
Good Luck!! xx
...............................
A
female
reader, duskyrowe +, writes (28 June 2008):
 I would go for that drink with this guy, and tell him you are looking for friendship and not a relationship. You never know he may become your drinking buddy. (Just a thought).
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (28 June 2008):
 You could tell him the truth, but then you risk the "so horse riding is more important than me?", even if he doesn't actually say it. So tell him a little "white lie".
Telephone him and tell him you're not feeling well and you're ever so sorry but you really don't feel like going out.
Thst way you don't upset him too much (although I'm sure he'll be disappointed), and you keep your options open for whatever you decide in the future.
Someone will probably say you should always tell the truth, but there are quite definitely times when the whole truth does no good at all. I think this is one of them.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): Go and not have a drink. Its a simple as that. that way you can go horseriding tomorrow.
...............................
A
female
reader, bday121  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 Well, maybe you could just go on this one date. Personally I think it would be kinda rude to cancel at the last minute. Just go, try to have fun, and don't drink anything if you don't want a hangover!
Of course, if you're really bent on not going, then go ahead and cancel. The guy will get over it. It sounds like you're not really interested in him anyway, so why bother trying to start anything? Call him up and tell him straight out that you really want to be single right now. Say, "Sorry, but I've been thinking about this date, and I don't think it would be fair for me to go and lead you on. I'm really not interested in a relationship or dating right now."
Do whatever you think is best.
...............................
A
male
reader, Manximus  +, writes (28 June 2008):
 Then you should do what will make you happier in the long term. If you really do not want to date this guy, then you should be open with him and explain how you feel.
If you are feeling reluctant to go out, then it may play on your mind and will spoil your day anyway.
You should tell him how you feel and maybe arrange to go out for a drink some other time.
Going for a drink with him isn't making a commitment to him, but he could see it as the possible beginnings of something more. I feel you should make it clear that you do not intend to begin a relationship with him, but would would be happy to go for a quiet drink sometime as friends, as long as he realises and accepts that nothing more will come of it.
Best of luck
M
x
...............................
|
