A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who likes me more then a friend. He told me this not long after we met, but I wasnt sure of how I felt for him. So I told him I just wanted to hang out as friends and get to know him better as I had made the mistake of geting involved with somoene before too quickly. He said fair enough and we have spent lots of time just hanging out.But the thing is I'm starting to realise I dont like him more then a friend now and havent told him yet as I dont know how to say it and im afraid of lossing im as a friend.Also, to add to the problem I think I may have feelings for one of his friends. I dont want to hurt my friend or do any damager to their friendship if I do something about my feelings. So what should I do? Is it possible to not hurt them if I tell the other guy I like him? Thanks for any help :) Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): hi i understand your situation, because i was in one similar..
firstly you have to be upfront with him and tell him the truth, because 1. you will be leading him on as he will carry on thinking that he has a chance with you and 2. it may put a strain on your friendship as the longer you leave it the more hurtful it is for him..
my best advice to you wld be to talk to him and tell him that as close as you both are you do not feel the same way as he does.. but make sure you stress how important your friendship is to him, because he may think that because you let him down you do not care about him..
good luck and i hope you sort it out
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2008): You can't get out of this without hurting him.
What you can control is how much hurt you cause. You have every right to date his friend, don't let anyone tell you any different. But this must be walked lightly.
You need to sit the guy down and tell him you have come to the realisation that you care for him as a close confidant and friend, but the feelings don't extend beyond that.
Tell him you are trully sorry that you don't return the feelings because he is a nice guy, and that is a rarity and he deserves to be happy, but that it will have to be with someone else.
This shows that you care about your friend and makes it cleat that it's a friendship and nothing more.
He will be hurt and disappointed, but significantly less so if you just started dating his friend.
You could even discuss the fact you are beginning to feel for the other friend and would like to have your close friend there for you if you choose to persue a relationship with this other man.
Understand though, its unlikely your friend's feelings will subside completely, you'll be in his heart somewhere, always. Hopefully he will choose to remain a friend rather then take the selfish path.
Good luck.
Flynn 24
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