A
female
age
36-40,
*ayleygriffin
writes:Ok so I need some advice – am I being a complete idiot here??Me and my ex got together in July 2004, and we split up in March 2009. He had cheated on me a couple times early in the relationship and I forgave that, we broke up because we just wanted different things. A year on, and he’s still telling me he loves me, but doesn't want to be with me. we’re best friends so hang out a lot as its too difficult to cut off almost 6 years of laughter and secrets.I asked him if he wants to get back together (we’re still sleeping with each other whenever we’re single and when we hang out it’s as if we’re back together) and he said he didn’t want to be with me – but yet he’s happy to have relationships with other girls. Am I wasting my time hanging in there? should I move on and if so how the F does anyone move on from a 6 year relationship??? He doesn't want me to move on from him or fall out of love with him, this much is true.Help!?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, cheated on me, get back together, move on, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 Tell yourself what have you gained from him in those six years ?
Is there a future with him?
If you want to build a house, you would need a plan. Without any plan, there will not be a house.
He is just sowing his wild oats and when he is ready to settle down , he will find another girl.
What will happen to you?
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 March 2010):
You are completely wasting your time. He's just there for the sex and absolutely nothing else. You move on by accepting it's over, cutting all contact and throwing yourself into your own life. Yes, it's hard to turn you back on 6 years, but it's better than being nothing to this guy, which is what you are. You're just there to be used. Turn you back on him, like he has done with you on several occasions (he has cheated, he wanted different things), and find a guy who actually does care about you, and won't hurt you. You don't want to get to 30 and realize you're still nothing but someone that he uses.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): It seems like you all are providing each other with someone you know and trust to have sex with when you are lonely. There's nothing wrong with this but it sounds like you want to get back with him. Maybe because you never got over him? You have been holding on to him any way you can. Just as "friends". But most friends don't have sex, date other people, then have sex again when they are single.
By keeping in touch with him, sleeping with him, and hanging out with him you are not letting yourself move on. I'm sure you have dated other men but it hasn't worked out because in the back of your head you are still hoping things will work out with him. "when we hang out it's like we are back together again..."
I'm sorry but if this guy had any intention to committ to you he would have done it already.
My advice is stop ALL communication with him. No calls/texts/myslace/facebok nothing! This is a win-win for you. He's never been out of contact with you for so long. Either this will make him realize he might never speak to you again, and bring out some true feelings? If not, and he is ok with it, it will give you what you need to move on.
After a couple of months, when you move on you can always be his friend.
Except, I wouldn't want to be the guy you date because it seems like you will always have something for this guy
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): hey it always been had to move on friend.6years it's not a joke but if someone build a wall on your way forward?what would you do? you can try to break but it's hard you cann't go through end @ the end you hart yourself.your ex is just has the momories of you in hend but he does love you coz love it's needs to be fair.move on girl
...............................
A
female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 If he doesn't want you to move on or fall out of love with him, yet he doesn't want to date you, he's being extremely selfish. He is getting the best of both worlds. It seems like he may have esteem issues, like having you there is validation for him.
If you want to move on, stop sleeping with him. Find other friends to hang out with. Minimalise your contact with him. You cannot expect to move on if you're together all the time.
...............................
A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (15 March 2010):
Sorry to say this but I bet he won't hang around in your life if you stop having sex with him.He is using you, and I think the longer you stay in this situation the more it is going to really hurt you in the longer term. Not to mention when one day you will meet someone brand new and you'll have to tell them you carried on shagging your ex outside of the relationship whilst he was with other girls! It won't sound good, will it?Believe me, you WILL get over a 6 year relationship and you WILL meet someone else who is better and will NEVER treat you second best like you are being now. You just need to get to the point where you feel READY to make that decision. When you do... invest in your friendships and family, find the ones who are a good support for you, and make the decision to never have sex with him, ever again.
...............................
|
