A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I'm only sixteen, but when I was growing up as a child, I was always around my older brother (who is now 20) and his friends. I grew up with one of his bestfriends, Josh (who is now 19). Me and my brother had been living at my grandparents, and coincidentally, Josh lived directly nextdoor. Me and Josh were always around eachother and gave eachother a hard time, like brothers and sisters do. But once I got to the age of 14, he started getting more serious around me, and more protective. A year later, we began dating behind everyone's back. My family couldn't know because he was practically relative (not literally of course). Only a few of my bestfriends knew, and a few of his. We were sneaking around for months, and soon enough, I felt that I had fallen in love. We were together for almost 3 months before we realized that we couldn't stand to get along. We faught every other day. So, we went our seperate ways and didn't speak for months. I never told anyone (that didn't already know) that me and Josh had dated. Then, nearly 3 months later, he E-Mailed me, apologizing. He knew he hurt me. And in that three months without speaking, we both didn't go a day without thinking of one another. Me and Josh continued talking for a few more weeks and got back together (still secretly). This time around, things got more serious. I lost my virginity to him. And we didn't just have sex that one time, there were multiple other times. I never believed that sex could actually change things in a relationship, but now I know. We still couldn't work out our differences that we had the first time around in our relationship. Plus, it started getting harder and harder to see eachother and not have people know. Almost two months of dating Josh again, we broke up. The week after the break up, I had a pregnancy scare. I thought I was pregnant for 2 weeks and told my mother everything (no other family members though). We went to the doctor and I turned out to not be pregnant. Josh wanted nothing to do with me after finding out that I wasn't pregnant, but mainly because I told my mother. He still texted me occationally to see how I was doing, so he clearly still cared about me. But, he was talking to other girls. So, it was killing me to continue talking to me if he had no real interest. It's been four months since the last time we spoke and i've still been living nextdoor to him. I have dreams about him constantly, and i'm always thinking about what it'd be like if me and him were still together. I'm wondering if I should ever in the near future talk to him again. Just to try being friends, at least. Considering I grew up with him and have known him for almost 16 years. And i'm clearly still madly in love with him. I'm wondering if talking to him as a friend will help me or make it worse. I need some opinions, should I even try bringing him back in my life? Or is it a bad idea?
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female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (17 July 2011):
 Oh man. I had a very similar thing happen to me.
What you're feeling is hard, I know. You've got a couple things going on right now.
One of them is the fact that this guy is probably the first guy you've ever really gotten serious at all with right? The first one always hurts unbelievably bad. It does get better, I promise.
The second thing is that you had sex with him, so, you've got the bonding chemicals and instincts that go along with that. Girls have this chemical called oxytocin that is released in our bodies when we get physical, especially when you really care for the guy to begin with. It's strong stuff, binding you emotionally to the guy you slept with. Its effects do wear off, but oxytocin is one of the reasons the first one hurts so much. We've never felt anything like it before the first love. Oxytocin, along with the risks of STDs and pregnancy, is a huge reason to wait to have sex until we're older, like in college to have sex. Yeah, I know you've heard that before, but I did exactly what you did, felt exactly what you're feeling right now, and I'm on the other side of all that hurt wishing I had listened.
I know this hurts really bad right now, but you've gotta move on. the longer you cling to this feeling you hvae, the longer it's going ot hurt. The thing is, while he does care about you in some way, he seems to be done with the relationship part. that's not surprising after a pregnancy scare. No relationship is the same after a thing like that. So, you can drag this out and torment yourself with what-ifs, or you can work hard to heal yourself and learn from this experience.
Don't suffer for a year like I did :) Gat back up and learn the next step to a realtionship: moving on.
A
female
reader, blueskyday +, writes (17 July 2011):
try talking to him telling him all your feelings the rest will flow
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