| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I don't know what to do. I am so sick of my boyfriend of five years not stepping up and marrying me, (we've been engaged), and him saying that he spent thousands on my engagement ring when he didn't, he only spent 2K, i saw the receipt! So, because i am so mad about the whole thing and how we don't even live in the same state right now (by his choice), I finally told him today that i saw the amount he spent on me for my ring and how he is cheap (considering all the toys and houses he has and cars-drives a hummer, and a motorcycle. anyway, if he really only had that much money, id be fine with it, it's just he is so cheap and unattentive it is driving me insane. He is 37 also. he gave me my valentine's day gift to me early last weekend-but it was just three pieces of candy. I'm not even a gold digger at all, and he is low on money at the moment, but he also took me out to dinner but made me pay my half. My guy friends i know never make me pay, and they aren't even my boyfriend! I've just had it. All i wanted was to get married to him, and he just hasn't done it in five years. I know it was mean what i said about the money, but what does a girl do when she is upset about stuff like this? he says he is fine with the long distance relationship-i literally hadn't seen him for 6 months until last weekend! if a guy is okay spending that much time apart from me, how into me could he really be?!
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (13 February 2011):
Hi there. Good question. Six months not seeing each other is a long time. I believe he is confused.
You might be more ready to marry than he is.
In actual fact, $2,000 is a lot of money for an engagement ring. Even 1K would be a lot of money. $500-$600 would be rather reasonable I think. So he is incredibly generous with his money.
It seems to be going pear shaped now since that statement you made.
Even though you are engaged, perhaps you need to have a serious rethink about what you really want.
The more you try to push for marriage, the more he takes a step backwards. Never the twains shall meet!
There's no doubt he is a bit hurt by your comment that you think he's cheap. So now he probably feels that no matter how hard he tries, he just can't please you.
When a man feels that way, he just gives up and stops trying altogether.
It's not the type of feeling that endears him to you, by any means.
Keeping that in mind, perhaps it's a good thing you are living in different states at the moment. It gives you both some breathing space. It does seem you both need that.
For now, give him some space and don't contact him for a week or two and just have a think about how you'd like your future with him to be.
At the moment, you feel that you would like to be married, but are you really sure? Are there perhaps some other things you'd like to be doing - like pursuing a dream, travel etc.?
Marriage isn't the only thing in life that's good. There is so much more.
A
female
reader, Rose22  +, writes (13 February 2011):
 woh woh woh calm the heck down i think here. im not going to try be mean here but your being a bit spoilt for your age. the man is low on money, why on earth is that a good time to get married? its been 5 years? yeah? im sure if he loves you it will happen. 2k for a ring im sure there are people that have 500 dollar rings so dont complain about that. as for him wanting to be in a different state, are you smothering him? and as for the dinner thing most couples split the bill, me and my bf do. its not right to exspect him to pay it all is it? if you were him do you think you would want to all the time?
all the best
redrose
xxx
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