A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have put myself in a veryyy uncomfortable situation. Basically i have this ex with whom i went out with when i was 16 years old, we were in a relationship for a year, i am currently 19, and well ,between us ended for a very stupid reason, these past years, i would always remember him, cry over him, and , and after we broke up we talked about once or twice, well i would basically tell everyone i knew about this love that i had for him, he was basically always in the back of my mind all the time. You could say he was my "first love" and just a month ago i got the guts to go to his house and i left my number there with his sister in law and she gave it to him. he contacted me the very next day, we talked about our current lives, and well it later came out that he was actually married. i was dissapointed but at the same time, i was like ok, hes the past its done with. he kept on contacting me i would ignore the calls, he called me private and i wouldnt pick up. and then one day he showed up at my door, and told me to go out for "ice cream" w him as stupid as it sounds, i went along, more than anything, because i had the curiosity how he had changed and if he was still the guy i thought i was in love with, i was extremely nervous from the moment i saw him i couldnt believe that he was before me once more.... we ended up at a hotel, and me and him had never had sex while we went out, and well, "it" was happening and about a minute into it, i told him to stop, and i started crying, and so we stopped, and i told him that i had thought i loved him for soo long, and that i wasted so much time on him, that all the guys i went out with him never had a fighting chance because of him, and that all of this was not right, that i have a boyfriend whom i care for, he has a wife, and he talked to me for a bit, told me that he had missed me and that even the smallest thing reminded him of me, and that he was sorry for pushing me into it.... so basically he brought me back to my house, i had guilt obviously, and i am soo afraid of karma, but it just happened. I know im stupid for falling for all of it, but i just want advice on how to deal with all of this. i regret it for the fact that he has a family, and dont have any intention for it happening again, and please i know that everyone has opinions about this type of situation, and i myself was the type of person to frown upon such an act, and i still believe its not right, but it happened.... =/
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male
reader, OzBloke  +, writes (24 September 2009):
I think you need to come clean with your boyfriend. He might leave you. He may let you off the hoof for honesty.Since he is innocent in this why wait until he marries you or you get pregnant before letting him find out in a heated argument or rumours? Give him the option now, while there is little at stake (no children or marriage).As for your ex, forget him. He's a spineless sleaze. I feel sorry for his wife. He has no doubted cheated on her before you and probably since. He has no respect for relationships.As for you not knowing what was going to take place, I do not believe that. You may not have consciously known you would have sex when you left the house, but by the time you agreed to getting a motel room you did. You went willingly in to that motel and whether you told him to stop or not is irrelevant. You had sex.Tell your boyfriend, he deserves to know the truth. If he leaves you, learn form it. If he stays, earn his respect. If you don't face this, all you teach yourself is how disloyal you are.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): if you feel so guilty then know this \
1. it was wrong to engage in sexual activities with this man.
2. the ex is married, and with a child(?) so nothing will come of any contact with him. he can never be yours even if it means for a minute.
3. you need to stop all contact with him, for your sanity as well as his marriage. his wife doesn't deserve any pain. i think you would agree.
4. figure out whether you really do love your present bf, if yes, then work on the r/ship. and start being honest.about everything. including about your ex.
5. NEVER put yourself in this position again. you do not want to be a home wrecker, do you. having an affair with a married man is not the smartest option in life. there is no excuse for affairs.
6. read Grimm Realitys comments properly. he makes some valid points. it is harsh but it is reality. you just didn;t find yourself in a hotel. you made a conscious decision. nothing just happens.this man was very very quick to cheat on his wife, is he just one of those who wants his wife and a bit on the side. speaks volumes of him and his fidelity. do you really want a spineless unfaithful man in your life?
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A
male
reader, GrimmReality +, writes (18 June 2009):
 No....it happened because you wanted it to...Yes you stopped, but you still cheated..you still had your ex's penis in your vagina
You should have thought about it before you spread your legs for this guy.
He is married, you have a boyfriend. You are a very immature person.
Now unfortunatley, it does not matter whether it was a minute or an hour..there is no such thing as sort of cheating.
Now own what you did, grow the hell up and face your boyfriend and tell him. He deserves the truth since you so selfishly screwed another man..No excuses, you felt guilty as you were doing it, but you intended to carry it out which you did. You only feel bad because you don't want it to happen to you and you are afraid that it will come out...oh it will eventually. Young guys have a nasty habit of not being able to keeop their mouths shut about anything...so you will be discovered eventually...lol..."fell for it"?
More like "fell onto his penis, perhaps?"
Should have thought about that before you let your ex screw you.
You deal with it by stopping this selfish shit that got you into it in the first place and be an adult and take responsibility for your own actions. It amazes me that so many young adults have no conception of what being responsible means. You are just another example of someone who has NO CLUE!
GROW UP!
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A
female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Everybody makes mistakes, OK? The important thing is that we learn from them. You learned that your ex boyfriend is the type of guy who doesn't respect his marriage. Now's the time to lick your wounds a bit and move on. I'm glad that you recognized it was wrong and don't want to do it again.
Onto your boyfriend...you have to be honest with him and let him know what happened. He'll be upset but he deserves to know the truth, and if you two break up you'll have to chalk it up to making a mistake. From now on, live your life with respect and honor for yourself and your life.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, hijacked_dignity +, writes (18 June 2009):
 Was it worth it? The way I see it, he doesn't love his wife or you if he is willing to use the both of you for his personal needs. What you did was wrong, but more importantly, what he did was wrong too. I hope that you never talk to this guy again first of all. What's in the past you can't change, but what you did was definitely not cool. In fact, it was horrible. I would actually get in contact with the wife somehow and tell her what happened, because it isn't fair that she doesn't know about it. She'll probably get really upset with you (and hopefully with him), but at least you won't have to deal with the guilt anymore. And you'll be setting things right. I hope you learned from this. You should have rejected the guy as soon as he showed up at your door. But you didn't. And now you have to live with the consequences.
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