A
female
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anonymous
writes:hi, im 21 my bf is 27, we have been together 3 years and we live together, the situation is that over the 3 years we have been together he keeps looking at porn, in one month I found evidence of him getting off to porn over 20 times while i was at work, but i only get sex maybe once a month, he says his sex drive is low due to medications he is on, but it's obvious that he is lying because if he had no sex drive then how can he get off to porn so often? i think his just lazy and selfish and Im so over it, my self esteem is totally destroyed and I am so sick of it, I dont nag him and I am happy to have sex everyday and even experiment yet he just makes up lies. after a long think I plan to break up with him because of this, any advice on the best way of doing this, we live together and im just worried i wont have any money left after this.any advice on the best way of going about this?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2007): I have sweated over the porn issue, discussed it with him, give him ultimatums, etc, etc. You watch comedians on TV and they talk about men and their porn habits, sitcoms discuss it, even CSI Miami shows a guy getting ready to jack off. It is a "guy thing" and I now feel it is not worth the time and effort to argue over it. At least he is staying home and pleasuring himself not out screwing around. And you know....sometimes I just don't feel like it, so go ahead buddy, knock yourself out.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): I think you will be well rid of this one. Just tell him you cannot go on like this and you want the relationship to end. Porn over you, er not nice. You will manage in the future. Try and get something to rent and move out as soon as you can, or get him to move out. He is the one with the problem.
Take care and be strong.
xx
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A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (15 March 2007):
 I dont know why but it seems more and more guys are choosing the porn over their woman. Visual stimulous, or physical...Eve is right, lay down the law, and walk at any sign of noncompliance, if he would rather google porn than just look to you he doesnt deserve you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2007): Hi,
I would always say that being honest, open and truthful about things is the best policy. Your bf is not the only person that looks at pornography. If he didnt, then he would probably be in the minority.
It seems that you have made your decision to split up and so you may not be willing to talk about it with him and work things out together. Maybe there is an underlying self confidence problem which makes him outlet his sexual tension alone rather than with you. I dont know.
If I were him, I would tell him exactly what you found on the computer, how it made you feel, how you feel about the whole relationship, how you feel you may or may not be suited and whether or not you think it is worth workig towards staying together and if not why not. If your going to split up with him, I would suggest being honest about your feelings and dont beat around the bush too much. If you're worried about not having any money afterwards, just be civil with each other and dont let things turn spiteful.
You could always put plans in place to secure your assets before you split up. Put some money to your parent for safekeeping, move some of your possessions out of the house first?
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A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (15 March 2007):
 Let him know you KNOW he watches porn and gets aroused easily by it so the excuse he has a low libido doesn't wear with you. Give him an ultimatum and tell him either the porn goes or HE DOES! Her are a couple of links that will help you with that break up should you really want to go ahead with it.
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-Up
http://www.wikihow.com/Break-up-With-Someone-Using-Style-and-Sensitivity
Eve
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