A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:This problem is breaking my heart and I know that I'm risking being judged by writing this, but I don't have anyone to talk to about this! I'm originally from Spain but working in Cuernavaca, Mexico right now. I have a friend, and I had this brotherly love for him, but I had an epiphany and realized my feelings. The trouble is, he's in a relationship with some tramp right now. Seeing her get joy from him makes me crazy because it just isn't fair. I KNOW I'd be a wonderful girlfriend and I could name a million things we have in common. I am overcome with rage and anger at other women. It makes me crazy to see them snatching up these guys and not caring if some other girl likes them. I am beginning to hate other women because any of them could potentially snatch up someone I like. This isn't the first time this has happened to me. every time I meet someone I like, some tramp always comes and snatches him up.I want so badly for him to return my feelings. I hate it when people tell me to find someone else, because I know in my heart no one will ever mean as much to me.I would like to be his girlfriend. Is there a way that he could ever fall for me?Also, if you sympathize with the whore, I mean, girlfriend (oops!)... why? I'm gonna get words of judgement and cry myself to sleep while she gets love and tenderness and all that.I am so overcome with rage and hatred that I'm going crazy. I have so much love in my heart and I want to share my life with someone I love with my whole heart. I know it's meant to be. How can I ever be the girlfriend?I don't want some crummy guy I don't love and no one else will make me feel this way. I pray every night to the God I barely believe in that he'll feel this way about me, but it all seems delusional. My heart is breaking. Why do women have to be so selfish? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, adamantine  +, writes (19 May 2011):
 OP, do you see anywhere in my post where I called you selfish? No. OP, Did I call you crazy? No. Stop making things out to be what they're not.You are the one being judgemental, because you're calling all these women, WHO YOU DON'T KNOW, a whore, and a tramp, and selfish.Please open your eyes. The world does not revolve around you. You came here for help, you got some opinions, now its up to you what you do with them. I recommend you speak to a counsellor/therapist, as they are the professionals and will be your best shot at getting an unbiased view on your issue.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 May 2011):
 OP, how come you are so mad at the undeserving tramp and are not mad at him ? If she is an undeserving tramp, he, who likes her so much, should be an undeserving womanizer or an undeserving pig for having chosen her, right ? How come you only criticize the female half of the couple ? You say she "snatched " him, but, whatever you mean by that, .. he let himself be snatched , he did not oppose any resistence to the snatching. So he should be as guilty as her, IF there are guilts to be assigned.
OP, you have come here for help , and you GOT help. Your problem, according to your own words , is that you are so overcome with rage and hatred that you feel you are going crazy. We helped by advising you to talk about your problem with the only person that can teach you how to deal with your rage and hatred , i.e. a therapist.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Adamamantine, Calling me selfish sounds ridiculously judgemental. This forum is for people wh want to HELP, NOT judge, and I don't appreciate being called selfish by someone I don't know!I'm not crazy, I think it's a little bit irrational to say that about someone you don't know. I can see that most people on here have never been in a similar situation. If you loved someone who was in love with an undeserving tramp, would you feel nothing but love for that whore? Or would you be pissed, like I am?This other girl is getting tenderness and words of love while I'm getting these harsh words of judgement. Please try to see things from my point of view. Thank you anonymous, you seem to be the only nice person who answered me... I appreciate the kind words.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 May 2011):
You have already posted about this problem and all the Aunts advised you to seek professional help for getting rid of this warped, dysfunctional way of thinking. Until you don't change your way to perceive and evaluate what happens in your life, you have little or no chance to reach balance and fulfillment, in your relationships and in general.
Since you are apparently not even considering this advice, but you prefer to get stuck in bitterness and negativity, I'd say that the choice , and the responsibility, of perpetuating indefinitely your current situation, is totally yours and can't be blamed on other men or women.
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A
female
reader, adamantine +, writes (18 May 2011):
"No one else is good enough for me..."
Me, me, me. That's all I see. Sounds ridiculously childish, no?
I don't know if you realise this, but most people don't go around thinking the way that you do. You seem to be utterly consumed with jealousy/pride. You say you have so much love in your heart to give, but all you can talk about is how trampy every other woman is because you have nothing else to pin against them.
Have you ever realised that it might not be other women that's the problem, but you? You go around hating women, when they haven't even done anything to you! You go around blaming other women, when they supposedly steal your man! If he was your man, he wouldn't be up for the taking now, would he?
You need to make pro-active steps to build relationships with these guys that you're interested in, rather than sitting by the sidelines and waiting for him to come to you.
I can only pray that you get the help you need to overcome this, because it seems to be eating you up inside.
And on the last note, women are not "selfish". If you were in a relationship with a guy, would you care if other people liked him? Maybe, maybe not, but it wouldn't bother you because you know he loves you and no one else.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): Your feelings are very irrational.
You realized your feelings while you were away, so I'm assuming he doesn't know? If he doesn't know, then he doesn't have a chance to gauge how he feels for you! You can't be mad that he isn't laying around waiting for you if he doesn't even know how you feel!
And I highly doubt his girlfriend even knows you have feelings for him, so how does that make her a whore to date him? She likes him, he obviously had some attraction to her, and they both think you're just a friend of his because neither of them know of your feelings.
I advise you, first, to tell him about your feelings and go from there. Do understand that he has a girlfriend, though, and take that into consideration while talking to him. Just tell him you have feelings for him and ask him if there's any hope for the two of you. And whatever answer he gives you, leave it at that. If he says no, move on. If he says yes, then wait until you're back home and take things from there. And if he says he needs time or maybe, then give him time.
There's nothing more for you to do, and there is absolutely no reason you should be angry since you have not done anything to advance your relationship with him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): No one else is good enough for me. I don't want to waste my time with someone I don't love.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2011): HiThe green eyed monster....you can beat this....forget HIM and the OTHER women....and try to stop spoiling your character, remember how special you are ( just as they are aswell). Love will be returned when it's right you can't force it and you do know this. Don't let jealousy turn you into an ugly woman because these are big reasons WHY a man can't really love you if you are consumed with hate...your worth so much more than this. You are obviously suffering because of how you write this..but you cause your own suffering.....let go of the green eyed monster and one day you will find happiness.Good luck...please try....you were not born to be miserable.spunky monkey :)
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (17 May 2011):
 Excuse me? You're a woman yourself, so you be the judge on this one. Are all women selfish? Is it selfish to want a man to love you and whom you enjoy to be in a relationship with? Isn't that exactly what you want for yourself? Who are you to judge if another woman is a whore or not, even so the better question is this one: what does it tell you about HIS judgment if HE chose to be with this proclaimed whore and tramp? Maybe his standards are way off then you might think? I mean come on, if you're so wonderful, surely he'd go for YOU and not her? It couldn't possibly be that you're upset because HE DIDN'T WANT YOU? And instead of facing that, you try to blame the woman. As if, "if she hadn't been there he'd be with me".
Well, sorry to say so, but you yourself said this has happened your whole life. Clearly then the issue here is not other women. They can be tramps and whores for all I care, but it doesn't matter one bit. Because even if the guys were single, as they have been in your past, they DON'T GO FOR YOU.
Instead of blaming other women, figure out how to change this trend in your life. Do you approach men? Do you flirt? Do you ever tell them your feelings? Do you try to work at it? Or are you sitting there praying he'll magically return your feelings? Maybe, just maybe, you're aiming for the wrong guys? And you are definitely using the wrong technique to catch a guy yourself, because your dream is that no other women on earth exists so that men won't have a choice but to be with you. There's competition out there, and you need to face that, not hide away and grow spiteful.
You said this happens a lot, so realize this: this guy you are now in love with isn't all that special. You've fallen in love before, you will fall in love again. It can happen at any time. Don't be overly dramatic and say "if I can't have him I will die alone or be in a relationship with no love!". How do you know that? You can't read the future, you can't honestly say that.
Here's what I think will happen: you will get over this guy that you can't have. You aren't with him not because of this girlfriend of his, you're not with him because he's not into you like that. Then you will move on to someone else, and you'll fall in love again. Next time just be sure to make a move on the guy! And dare to enter a relationship with someone nice, and see if love will blossom. Several relationships starts not with being in love, but from a mutual interest that then grows into more.
You have so much love in your heart you say, yet you carry so much hatred. Stop hating so much and try to share that love you talk of instead and be a happier person.
And last, this guy could surely fall for you. If you're any bit as wonderful as you say you are. But not if you're full of hate and disrespect other women, or are overly jealous and not a balanced person. You need to calm yourself down. Then maybe in the future, once he has dumped this girlfriend of his, if he ever does, tell him how you feel about him. Who knows what may happen. But don't walk around waiting for it. If it happens it happens, if not then it's not that big of a deal, because there are other men out there for you to snatch.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): I don't think it's so much rage and anger but jealousy that is consuming you. The thing about jealousy is that a person is only capable of being jealous for the very things he/she has (or had) potential for.
For instance, I will never be jealous of an olympic althlete....I know I don't have the potential and I probably never have. However, I am often jealous of smarter and more successful people than myself. Jealousy can be a good thing, it can motivate and challenge you to learn new ways of being. Think about that and then rethink your attitude towards other women. Jealousy isn't a wrong feeling so long as you use it productively.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011): Other women are not the problem. Your crazy thinking is. So when you meet a guy and you like him what do you do? Do you chat to him? Get to know him? Find out if he has a girlfriend? Find out if he may like to hang out with you? Or are you acting so desperate that you are putting these guys off?OR do you sit back and think "I would like to be his girlfriend. Is there a way that he could ever fall for me?" And in the meantime some other woman snaps him up. You need to stop blaming other women and look at yourself. Stop trying so hard to be a girlfriend to every guy you tske a fancy to, enjoy your single life and when the right person comes along at the right time it will happen.
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