A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Recently a married man at work has been flirting with me and jokingly we bantered, but nothing serious to start with as I am 22 and he 50, but in the past 3 months he's started heavily flirting to the point people have started commenting on it! For example (I work nights) and around 5am I yawned and said "0oooh get me to bed" meaning I want to go to bed, and he said "oh yes please" I was shocked and didn't know what to say so I just laughed it off talk about awkward. I am under no circumstances interested in him but now it's the Chrtistmas party planning time soon and he jokingly said he's booking a hotel room for us I front off my boss and I think theirs rumours as we have both booked the night off work early so we can definately attend the party.I have told him before i would never go near a married man and recently had to hint lots I'm not interested but he continues to flirt, how can I tell him straight without making the party awkward for everyone! Sorry for the essay and thanks for reading!
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at work, flirt, married man, my boss Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, tamperingtampaguy  +, writes (8 October 2012):
Tell the POS , that if he makes suggestive comments to you again you will tell your boss and that it is sexual harassment.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (7 October 2012):
 HI
I think you need to approach your conversastions more tactfully in the future, if you already know he takes everything in a rude context you shouldn't encourage him. That said you need to make it perfectly clear to him...." I found your comments funny before, but your taking the piss now, so please keep your comments to yourself". I think maybe though you liked the comments before as it gave you a ego boost, but now you know he maybe serious your jumping ship. So rememeber for future conversastions unless you want unwanted attention also keep your thoughts to yourself.
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2012):
 I will echo the take him aside and tell him, OK it's not fun anymore, I need for YOU to stop and I in turn will stop too..
Because you may NOT WANT to flirt, but if you don't start to ignore him (when it's not about work) and STOP engaging him it's hard for ANYONE to guess that you don't find it fun or that you aren't hoping for more.
If he doesn't stop you need to go above him or to HR. Just remember that can get ugly. So personally I would only use it if you get no results from talking to him - one-on-one.
Personally.... your comment "Oooooh, get me to bed" and his reactions wasn't crossing a line. You threw out some bait (even if you DIDN'T mean to) and he responded with what he thought was funny or "appropriate for the comment. I'm actually a little surprised that you were shocked over his comment. Some people will try and pull the double entendre with JUST about anything said, so you NEED to pay attention to WHAT you say as well.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): You need to put him in his place. Please be one of the few honest women out there. Some girls love to feed off of attention from men, especially older men. Are you that type of girl? IF not...prove it and tell him to stop.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Well, but if you "laugh it off " at his comments, and just "hint- not SAY- that they bother you and he needs to stop, how do you expect him to actually stop ? maybe he thinks you are having fun too bantering this way, or ... that you like his attentions.
Take him aside and say: nothing personal, I know you are only joking ( btw : white lie, because you don't KNOW that and he maight be in fact trymg to get it on with you ) but frankly I don't find it funny and , as it's want to be in workplaces, people are already misunderstanding and gossiping. You need to tune it down and just treat me as you'd treat a male coworker.
Then , if he does not stop, go to management and complain officially. Screw the Xmas party and if the atmosphere is jovial or not !, in the greater scheme of things it's much more important establishing your boundaries, and being treated respectfully on the workplace, rather than having lots of fun at the company's party.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Hi
Nobody should have to put up with this, its especially awkward as you work together at night too.I think you will have to spell it out to him loud and clear, that he's too old and married and you are not interested. Hinting doesn't seem to work.Its bad when rumours start at work,the last thing you need is an irrate wife after you.Perhaps you should ask if hes taking his wife to the Xmas do, and tell him your bringing a boyfriend.
If its really getting so your unable to work with him then maybe have a talk with your manager about working different shifts than him,explain why too.
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