A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Ok for the last few months I've been going to the gym. My fitness instructor and I get along really well and I got to know him more and more with every session. I know for a fact that he doesn't chat that much with any of the other girls like the way he does with me(and I'm well aware of the cliches!!)Anyway, in the beginning I didn't find him attractive, he's short and wears glasses and is geeky but the past two months we've been flirting harmlessly! And I feel like he is the male version of me and I've been very physically attracted to him!So the main reason I came here was because I am just out of a seven year relationship. For me the relationship had been off for months so I decided to end it a few weeks ago, we got back after a week but I felt nothing. So I decided to break it off for good. The only emotion I feel for ending it is guilt for hurting my ex. Other than that I feel a bit of relief! We never had sex and barely talked anymore and I had fallen out of love. Since the breakup I have gone out on a couple of dates with a guy and the kissing is great and we could talk all night about anything! I feel like it could be an amazing relationship! But I am worried that he is my rebound? I have read that it is hard to distinguish between the rebound and real love? Is the fact that I've known him for a few months as a friend make it real? We're trying to take it slowly but I'm so drawn to him. I don't think of my ex too much at all but I don't want to hurt him by getting into new relationship so soon! I basically feel like this new guy could be the one but I'm well aware or the rebound cliches!! What do you all think? Thanks in advance :-)
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 He may not mind being used rebound material. He may want something real too. That wont develop until later also. Of course he is rebound but he may not be hurt if you move on. Sometimes people are in your life for a season and reason. Some are there to stay. He probaly knew he was go be with you or be rebound. He sinced you may not have been happily married or in a happy bliss filled relationship. So if your drawn to him and have good chemistry thats what makes for relations of any sort.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 October 2012):
 You are just trying to get him on a deeper level and see if you are a good fit later. You are not using him to forget your ex. He too will be careful and will go with his pace accordingly. Time will tell if you can develop a trust. Just have fun and try not to talk about exes. If your ex contacts you again, anywhere from "can I borrow this," "my family member is very sick and I need to talk to you," to, "I am a changed man please give me a chance." You should be able to ignore his calls and trust that he will be fine without you. He doesn't have to know who you are dating and you don't have to check up on him either.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 October 2012):
 Just go slow. I think your old relationship had been over for quite a while before you two actually broke up which means you most likely didn't just flirt with the instructor to boost your ego (to feel better about yourself after the break up)
It might be hard to go slow, but until YOU know in your heart and mind that he ISN'T a rebound, I think it's the smartest.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2012): I am the person who wrote the post! The new guy is the fitness instructor! I don't flirt with everyone it's just him! He's the one I get along with really well and have great chemistry with! I just don't want to hurt him because I font know if it rebound or real thing!!!
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