A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some help with my marriage.. Here's the deal we have 3 kids been married for 7 years and together for 13 years. Things have gradually been getting bad. We barely can open our mouths with out fighting, we are at each others throats all the time. I really feel he is too selfish. I have come forth saying maybe this is not working anymore, and never get any comfort,communication.. I had another man that was interested in me .. me as a person, me as a woman just me. It felt so nice and i remember this every day .. like it is a dream. My husband don't get me wrong is great, a great dad. I am just missing so much. I always feel alone and the second i see him i turn into a bit"". I can not help it . Could it be resentment? Could it be that i feel so alone? Could it be i am just ready to move on? We care for one another i am not sure however, if that will take us through all the years we are suppose to spend together. I have considered counseling, i just really think he is the way he is and that will be hard to change. I would love advice. Others who have been here, or not. I would like to add that i think about this other man that i met everyday, and wonder was he brought into my life to shine a light on this situation i am in. I am not feeling attracted to my husband anymore, not as a friend or a lover. Please help!
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male
reader, marcus222 +, writes (1 September 2008):
While it's great to get advice from other ultimatly you are going to have to figure out what's best for you and your children.It's scary to think that the person you once thought you'd spend the rest of your life with and who once made you so happy may not be part of your future. Kids in the picture makes your decision even more complicated.Another thing to consider is that this new guy may only be so appealing because he is in fact new and different. When your husband was brand new to you I'm sure everything he did made you feel exited happy, and special. If you left to be with this other man it may be possible that down the road you may be in the same situation all over again. As far as your marriage goes...........If you're both unhappy and believe that more unhappieness is all the future holds for you no matter what either of you does to try to make the relationship work, it may be time to move on. You only have one life and you have to ask yourself if you want it to be a life of unhappieness because you're afraid of the unknown or being alone. It's an extremely difficult decision to make to finally say......yes I still love this person so much but it's just not working, we're both unhappy and it can't be fixed. Even if it is the right decision it will probably feel like your heart is being torn out and fill you with doubt.My advice to you, as much as any anonymous stranger can give relationship advice online..is to sit down with your husband, talk openly and honestly about how both of you are feeling, your problems and what your future might be like togather. Talk about cuounseling.....anything that may help your relationship...and then make a decision.Again it's your life and only you can know what's going to be best for you. in any event I hope that whatever you decide to do makes you, your husband and your children as happy and emotiaonlly healthy as possible in the long run.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2008): I understand completely. I feel the same exact way in my marraige. We have 3 kids as well and have been together 13 years. I have left twice but I always come back I think deep down I am scared of what my life will eventually turn into without him because we have been together so long. I am unhappy though, no attraction or anything in common. The thought of the other man is very exciting but deep down I know it would be scary and hard on the kids to change our lives up so much and it takes years to really get to know someone so the other man romance could be very short lived. Its hard to know what to do, but I do understand exactly how you feel because I feel the same way.
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A
male
reader, Saleem  +, writes (8 August 2008):
Dont throw away your marriage and half of your kids' lives because you feel attracted to someone new..Remember the days when you first met your husband?werent things great?werent he the only thing you could think about?Trust me when i say all relationships start great and at some point in time the candle dims..Its up to you to first of all talk to him about it and ask him to be understanding and secondly, find a way to bring back the spark..maybe a weekend away or something, i guess its up to you to know how you can bring back the spark..My advice is..Dont throw away everything just because you feel attracted to someone else..
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A
female
reader, CharmmyKitty +, writes (8 August 2008):
 Even though you're feeling so strongly repelled by your husband, there was obviously something there for you to feel like you wanted to marry him, and have children with him in the first place. And that seems like it should be worth at least an attempt at salvation. Before you do anything rash, I would strongly suggest marriage counseling. I know it feels like a lost cause right now, but you'd be surprised what can come out with the help of therapy. Especially because you have children. Divorce has become common place in this day and age, but that doesnt change the fact that it takes a heavy toll on kids.If you find that counseling does nothing, then you need to call it quits as soon as possible. Life is WAY too short to spend any time being unhappy. You're still young, you've got many years ahead of you, and the sooner you get out (if there's really no hope) then the sooner you can rebuild your life. You deserve to be loved, and it seems like you already have a good candidate. But you need to put this guy on the back burner till you get other things sorted out. The excited feelings of 'something new' can sway your judgment, and even if things end with your husband, you shouldn't jump into something new right away.Best of luck...
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