A
female
age
36-40,
*iss williamz
writes:Hey people i need your help.am jealous of my boyfriend.we are in a long distance relationship.every weekend he goes out clubbin and i dont like the idea.i just feel jealous since myself i dont go out.so on sundays i just feel i despise him and when we talk ijust start a fight with him over the phone..i love him alot please advice me on how i can change this.
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female
reader, belladonna123  +, writes (19 August 2008):
Do you have trust issues with this guy? Why do you feel insecure?
A
female
reader, RitzaD.  +, writes (18 August 2008):
 Why torture urself. Start going out. Believe me, I was in the same situation u were in. I was the one who moved away and became the jealouse type. I would call him day and night till I realized I was becoming annoying. I would only get to see him on weekends and even then I would pick a fight rather than enjoy the time. It came to the point where it was almost over and I got scared, he was sure about his decision if I didn't change, so instead of getting mad I made new friends at my new school and gave it a chance, I started hanging out with them more often, it helped get him off my mind a while. I wouldn't wait for his call any more, and when he would call I would be surprised, he'd ask me why hadn't I called him yet. It started becoming a habit and I wasn't much jealouse anymore, I guess I was jealouse of how much fun he had and how miserable I was making myself.
the tables turned, he became the jealouse type, and would constantly text me what I used to ask him like, where was I headed, or if I was going down this weekend, at what time was I going to call him, who was I with etc. Since I had a job now I was very busy. So I would only get to see him fridays and if lucky sunday mornings. I asked him if he still wanted to keep this relationship going and he said yes like if it was a dumb question of me to ask. It doesn't mean it still didn't bug me a little that he went out knowing all his friends were single guys, well it still bothered me a lot, but now he understood what it felt like not knowing where I was, who was I with, so he calmed down a bit as so did I. We didn't change our ways, we just learned how to respect eachother & trust each other more.
I guess what im trying to say is what everyone says, ignore him for a while, don't show him so much attention, show him u have a busy and fun life too, guys don't really like girls who's idea of fun is to stay home, watch a movie and cuddle, I think that's only for the day after the fun night. In no time he'll be after u and wondering what the heck is going on, where have u been, and how come ur not all over his jock. And if that doesn't work well I guess all u have left to do is to find someone who lives closer to u.
Hope this was a bit of help.
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A
female
reader, les +, writes (17 August 2008):
I think that babyduck is being a little harsh. There are many reasons why people in their 20s are in long distance relationships - school and work are the biggest ones. That being said, I think that ldr's should only be engaged in if you eventually plan on being in close proximity to each other.
I actually understand where you are coming from in a way. I was in an ldr, except it I was the one who went out clubbing all the time and my boyfriend was the insecure one. Eventually this was one of the things that led to our break up.
From observing him, while he didnt, I realized that his jealousy of me going out had nothing to do with me, but everything to do with him. He was very insecure, very easily threatened and he has a lot of problems trusting people. I think that he was very afraid that if I went out than the chances of me meeting somebody else increased and that he wouldnt be able to handle the emotional devastation of having his heart broken, so he just latched on, and nagged me, kind of like you do to your bf. The dif is that I understood him and his insecurities didnt bother me, but guy are not as emotionally mature and I have no doubt that if your bf is just a social guy who likes to go out that this will get to him and cause you guys a lot of problem.
Instead of focusing on his going out, you need to focus on why YOU'RE upset. Are you afraid that he's going to leave you perhaps for someone more attractive, more outgoing, more social? Or has he given you reason to doubt him before? You need to do this and be completely honest with yourself, b/c believe me, if it is your insecurities or lack of ability to trust thats causing your jealousy, it doesnt matter what your bf does or doesn't do, there will ALWAYS be something bothering you. And in ldr's, these feelings are magnified, so you need to get to the root of your problem and deal with it or otherwise, this relationship will never work.
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