A
female
age
30-35,
*rincess166
writes:I have been with a guy for about 9 months, and though he he treats me well and makes me feel special, I found out while being with him iam extremely insecure and jealous. Him also being in a pretty well known band makes it worse for me, even though iam happy and support their sucess. Iam jealous of his female friends, even him commenting another friends status makes me feel upset. The other day on his facebook page he became a fan of a pornstar and it just made me so upset for some reason! I guess what made me upset was The pornstar was blonde, and iam a petite asian girl, it makes me wonder wether he fantasises about a different looking girl while we are having sex? Do men do this? I feel incredibly inferior nowWe have a good sex life and he says that I make him crazy in bed and says I'm amazing.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2010): Hi,I used to go through the exact same thing. In fact my boyfriend thinks I am cool because he can comment on any girl ... And I pretend as if its all col. But to be very honest with you its not cool with me. I am jealous and very very angry.. I try to comment on all the good looking people I know . And due to some reason he takes it very well.. That makes me want to kill him..Let me tell you something ... Its all in the mind. We are so insecure about our boyfriends getting attracted to someone else that we forget that there must be something in us that he got attracted to... Lets not get this insecurity kill the very reason why he wants to be with us. Everybody is unique ... And let me tell you asian girls are very beuatiful... You are a beautiful person and if you believe that, your problems are solved... I know is hard but you just need to remind yourself about it every now and then
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (25 February 2010):
 Sigh.... your upset because your Asian and he looks at blondes, another woman on this site is angry because he looks at black girls in porn and she is white, then we've another lady, who is upset because her guy looks at for girls that don't have her hair colour... all these posts with women saying... "I'd be alright if he looked a porn women that looked exactly like me..."
But that also dosen't work, we've nad a post from a beautiful model who is angry because her boyfriend looks at ugly fat girls....
Porn is fantasy, he can't date or have sex with somebody else, he's in love with you and it's you who he wants. But that dosen't mean we don't have fantasies... Don't you ever daydream, don't you have fantasies about being a movie star, being a rich millionaire, or finding a cure for cancer... A fantasy, something different from every day life. He dosen't need to look for someone like you, because he has you to love. So imagines, just for a change, what a blue, eyed, fat, one legged 80 year old lesbian might be like in bed....
It's something to do with respect. In his imaginations he can control the woman in porn and get her to do and say lots of things that he would not ask you. If he imagines you this way, he would feel bad and ashamed. So he uses a stranger, somebody he dosen't know and will never meet. That's why the girls in pornography never look like you.
About his friends and his fans, I expect they come as part of his job. Was he in a band before he met you? If he quits this job are you willing to support him?
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A
female
reader, Tine +, writes (25 February 2010):
 i would believe what he says and try to take it on board while your thinking about this. It is quite natural to be jealous of your boyfriends female friends but what you have to think to yourself is that if he wanted to be with any of these other women then he would leave you to b with them. Therefore he obviously loves and cares for you. I don't think that you have anything to worry about here and although you cannot help your feelings towards these women, have you actually sat down and tried to get to know them? Maybe they really are just trying to be his friend and what you need to keep saying to yourself is that at the end of the night your the one he is going home with and your the one that makes him crazy in bed!! Most women would love to hear their man say that to them!You are quite lucky, but just be careful that your jealousy doesn't end up driving him away because that is not what you want
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A
male
reader, Shashi  +, writes (25 February 2010):
Dear friend, First of all you need to relax with your insecurities. The most important thing is that he treats you well and makes you feel special (as you've written), ergo he does care for you a lot. That is something very positive about your relationship. What you are experiencing now is something that may spoil this relationship if not controlled now. Every guy/girl wants his/her own space sometimes. Considering that your date is young it is natural that he would like to look around (not sexually ofcourse), you do not have to control this behaviour, it is not unique to your BF. Also your are showing symptoms of being over-possesive. If he tagged himself as a fan of a pornstar does not mean that he likes blondes and will leave you. It is just a preferential liking but he loves you. This is the difference, the sooner you understand this the better for both of you. Just relax and let him have his space. As for your inferiority complex, since you say that your BF is incredibly popular, therefore he could theoretically have chosen his GF from many options. That he likes you means that you are an extraordinary girl. You have that something special that has kept him committed to you. So you just don't have to belittle yourself. So just relax and enjoy yourself. Don't bother about his list of female friends and such...that is not even worth wasting time upon.Best of luck to you. Shashi
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2010): Men are a species of their own, I'm a female brunette. All my relationships in the past have loved and masturbated over blonde girls the most! Its perfectly natural. Your boyfriend treats you well and makes you feel special? This is a positive thing! He doesnt cheat on you and has never or is not cheating on you so you have nothing to worry about. My brother in a band and he gets plenty of attention from females all over his fan base on facebook. But he has a girlfriend who he adores the most and will never cheat on and they have a mutual and healthy relationship. If it bothers you that much, if he loved you, tell him its effecting you and I'm sure he can reassure or make you more involved in all of this. The insecurity is inside you. Your feeling jealous, threatened and paranoid is something you need to work on. It will eat you up inside and make you unhappy in the long run.....
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