A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have a big problem.My girlfriend is lovely and everything but there are some things I don't like about her. I know this myght sound like bitching but most of the time she doesn't keep up her promise: she tries hard and everything but she simply can't. A long time ago she asked me to help her train to get in shape but she simply won't obey me and starts playing around wich makes me feel frustrated because I am wasting my time by trying. I brought up the subject and asked her how she managed to train marcial arts in the past if she is inatentive and she said it was because everytime she would say something stupid her (male) teacher hit her... the way she said it looked like I would have to do the same but I fear it will be just wasting my time again.Another thing she keeps doing is getting all emotional with babies, specially her new nephew. She told me a past bf of her insulted her niece when she was a newborn and now I can see why: SHE CAN'T STOP TALKING ABOUT HIM!!!! makes me feel completelly ignored with all the "he is so cute" and the pictures.I have been looking for job for a few months (nearly a year) and I feel so frustrated and depressed about it. My gf helps me and tells me "everything is alright" and all but she also tries for me to have sex with her... I have not the drive and being honest she doesn't make the act enjoyable for me. She just slumps and let me do all the work. I have tried to tell her to have more initiative but it falls in the "wasting my time" part. Also she sucks at it.And also she has something that at the begining I didn't cared much about but now is driving me nuts: she has moustache!!! And when it is "fresh" makes kissing not an enjoyable part of a date. I have told her before to get rid of it and I hate to tell her over and over again because I remember when I didn't care but when I feel my lips irritated... well.This thing tells me to don't make long questions but I had to write this down to give a little rest to my mind. Don't get me wrong; I love her, she is the best of my life but her flaws are getting to me more and more everyday. What would you do in my case?
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female
reader, done it  +, writes (29 June 2009):
Keep searching for perfection mate, you will never find it, nobody is perfect and to be fair it sounds as if she is trying her best with what your circumstances offer you both, maybe your life isn't great right now but I would say weigh up the positives here, all you talk about are the negatives, welcome to life they exist in every relationship as I said life is never perfectly all good, or all bad, you actually have a girlfriend who is trying to make a relationship with you and seems to care, maybe she isn't the most stunning, but those who are stunning are normally out racing round life too busy loving themselves, so before you rush after fools gold that may never materialise think carefully about what you do have, and take it from there. I never advise people to bust up so if you are looking for that you aren't going to get it from me, but either way I think your girlfriend deserves better FROM YOU.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): Thanks for the feedback;
I suggest: Have a "Kit Kat", have a break!
I suggest you both might need that at this stage. Just have a break and take stock!
Life is not always as simple and easy as we want it to be; we cannot "change" people and we have to be able to accept them for who they are and as they are; if not....
Like I suggested: have a break, take stock.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, I thank you for all your answers, even the ones attacking me. Yup, I have flaws too. I am always late for dates and I have been depresed for almost a year. I am not with her for financial support as I still live with my parents. Yup she is lazy in bed and even if trying she hardly makes me have an orgasm yet she has had chains of them in the past, I'm not good but I know her spots.My depresion went worse when in a martial arts class I attend a teacher hurt my back.Maybe I am frigid or she is too horny but I feel like she is pushing me, I told her that I didn't want to have sex until I get a job and be able to continue my master degree or until we get married... and why is it that when a girl is pushed she is abused and when a boy is pushed he is *insert some lame excuse involving a malfunctioning penis* is beyond my wisdom?Believe me that it makes harder for me to tell her the things because I don't want to change her. She keeps telling me to tell her her flaws but I don't want to hurt her and when I find the way to tell her sometimes it doesn't go that well.I have accepted the way that she is naturally jealous (her past boyfriend cheated on her) and I have cut most (if not all) of my ties with my female friends.I will continue checking your valuable answers. And, as I said before, attacks are valid too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): First, it sounds like your girlfriend has a real condition called ADD, attention defecit disorder......this won't go away, you can't 'teach' her out of it. There is medication to help, however.
Second, instead of giving her critism and general comments, be more specific with her......when you are having sex with her, say....honey, it really turns me on when you kiss my neck (wanted to keep clean here) and I bet you will get what you want. Honey, let's play cops and robbers together...I'll be the cop and you get the punishment (then when she is in custody you can tell her what to do) After doing this X amount of times, she will start doing it on her own without being prompted.
Third, buy her a gift card to a local salon where she can get her stash waxed, it will stay away for up to 3 weeks and after she does it for awhile, the hair will start growing back finer and lighter. When you both have more money, she could get electrolisis.
So, you see, there are solutions to some of these problems, you just need to look for solutions instead of dwelling on how negative they are.....here's to some heavy duty lovemaking!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): Vow, it must be terrible for you. Why are you still with her? Financial support perhaps? I am sure you will leave her if you finally find a job.
The two of you are not compatible and I think you should be a gentleman and leave her; the sooner the better for her. Then she can find somebody who can love her and value her. You can find happiness with somebody with less flaws to irritate you and a job.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
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A
female
reader, °Ale°  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Seems like everyone agreed that you're the one at fault. I personally think you're right by saying flat out that 80% of this girl is annoying as can be. What I don't understand is that if shes not what you need then why waste your time?
People don't change, and shes sure as heck not making any efforts on improving on the things you clearly have brought up endless times.
I suggest you look elsewhere :)
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 We all have flaws, and unless we can accept each other just the way we are, with flaws and warts and moustache... we will never be happy. You say you love your gf, if this is the case you will try to accept the funny things she does, just as she must accept the funny things you do. You mention that she is not active during sex, have you given her any encouragement... have you asked her what she would like?? She might think that you are happy with her in bed because you have never said anything..... I think you need to look deep within yourself and decided whether this girl is what you want or whether you are looking for Miss Perfect...
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A
female
reader, shamrocks +, writes (12 August 2008):
it doesn't sound like you bitching.....you are bitching!!!!
you trying to change her to someone best suited or moulded by yoouu!!! i don't think she deserves someone as insensitive as you.
i think you should let go of her so that she can find someone that will love her for who she really is.
sorry for being brutal..but i think someone has to tell you.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (12 August 2008):
 Get rid of her!!! She has a moustache, she likes children, she is kind and conciderate towards you even though you cant get a job. Oh my goodnes why! oh why! are you wasting your life on this woman. And not only that but she's crap at sex.
Get over yourself love......I bet her moustache isnt as big as your ego.
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A
female
reader, sexi suga +, writes (12 August 2008):
god it seems like this is really on ur mind.. it comes across as a little harsh and in a way i feel sorry for your girlfriend... rather then focusing on the things that you hate about her why dont you try forcusing on the good things about her... ask yourself why are you with her if all these little things bugg you coz eventually these little things are gnna turn into one big thing and its gnna be much harder for you to deal with then... why dont you try to indirectly hint at the things that annoy you and try and help her understand how they make you feel...
but honestly i thing you should reconfirm to yourself the things that you like about her and hopefully these would over power these little things that bugg u so much, if not that ask yourself why are you stil with her
hope this helps babe... good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2008): If her flaws are getting you down so much- and some of them do really sound very annoying, especially if she is lazy in bed- then you have to really think hard about whether you still want to be with her. You don't mention any of her good points. Do you see any, or are you just used to being with her? I think the first thing you need to do is talk to her about your issues, and take it from there. She may not be aware of how much she is annoying you.
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A
male
reader, greenman +, writes (12 August 2008):
And you don't have any flaws do you ?
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A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (12 August 2008):
 We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to love imperfect person perfectly.
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