A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid,I'm greatly in need of help, and I can accept an honest answer... whatever that is. I just need to pour my heart out to someone, because I'm in more pain that I can bear. I've been so lonely for a long time that it's become unbearable, I'm teaching in another country and my family is far away... I have friends here but live alone and it's made me depressed. Last night I couldn't take another lonely night and just cried myself to sleepSo here it is... the problem I'm writing about:Well, I have so much despair in my heart that I just want to explode. There is someone in my life that I love dearly. I love him as a friend, but I can't deny it anymore... I feel something for him.I haven't mentioned his name, but a series of people have told me that he doesn't love me and that he never will be in love with me. I'm not sure if the situation is completely hopeless. I've known him since December and he and I became really good friends soon after we met.I've wanted to share my life, for a long time. I have many friends, whom I love dearly, most of whom are just friends.I cherish and treasure this man as a friend. But, I also feel something more for him. Please don't tell me that I'll meet someone else that I'll love because I know in my heart that I'll NEVER love anyone else.I'm not sure if he once had feelings and doesn't now, or if he never felt anything but friendship. He went through a divorce recently and I sense that he's confused, with his emotions all over the place. In the past, he kissed me and said things that hinted at attraction but he seems really busy and we don't see each other as much. I would like to hear an honest answer, ideally from someone who has experienced something similar. I love him to pieces as a friend and he obviously cares about me as a friend.I want to share my life with someone, and he has all the qualities I've been searching for in a person and he's special to me in a way that no one else is.But... I feel hopeless because we've known each other all these months and I don't think he's in love with me. I've discussed my family with him and he encourages me to go back home and be close to them... and it's made me think... if he felt something for me, wouldn't he want me close??If he doesn't feel anything for me now, is there hope that he will or am I just destined to be lonely?Part of me feels blessed to have his friendship. I want him to be happy more than ANYTHING in the world. Even at the expense of my happiness... but the thought of him with another woman makes me want to die of a broken heart. Is this situation hopeless?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2012): I'm the original poster. I just wanted to say thank you very much for your fantastic answers. You sound like really wonderful people.I've been confused lately because I know I really care about him, but I feel torn because my family needs me and I'm not sure what to decide. I'm afraid that if I return to Ireland, that I'll lose any chance I had with him forever, but it's almost inevitable that I'll have to return home soon. I'm afraid that if I got involved with him, I would hurt him.But there's a void in my heart that only he fills and I keep having this feeling that he's the ONE. The thought of not having him in my life breaks my heart.Decisions are so tough... but thanks for your wonderful replies. I'll take your advice. Take care.
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 There's one sure way to find out if he has feelings for you and that is to ask him outright. It may be that the kiss you shared was because he was feeling particularly vulnerable and needed someone when he was going through a rough time and you were there for him. Have you given him any hints that you like him more than a friend?
Remember, he's been hurt too and might not be ready for another relationship and his way of dealing with it is to just keep his head down, busy working in order to heal. You could be giving off signals that make him think you're not interested in him apart from being friends.
You've been close in the past and shared a lot and you say you've discussed your family with him. He can see your hurt too and could be encouraging you to go back home because he knows that will make you happy to be close to them again. Is it any wonder he might not want to get involved if he feels you might leave and go back home? Of course it could be too that he DOES just like you as a friend and nothing more but you won't know that for sure unless you ask him.
You sound really down and you'll emanate this when you're with him. He'll feel these vibes and this in itself could be turning him away.
You need to decide what you really want. Do you want to remain in this country teaching or do you want to go back home? If it's the former then I suggest you take a more positive view of your life, shake yourself and continue to go out and make friends. Invite them over for a meal, join a club, just keep busy. Take time out for yourself too. You could even invite your man friend over for a meal or drinks one night and make sure you look great. Keep things low key, POSITIVE, friendly and fun. Don't expect anything heavy, just friendship and lots of laughs. That way he'll feel positive vibes from you and if HE feels good around you then he'll want to do it again.
Keep an open mind too. NO ONE is destined to be lonely (mind over matter.) He might not be the one for you but know that when the time is right you WILL find the right person (and I'm talking from experience here) it just doesn't always happen when we want it to and can happen when we least expect it.
~Eve~
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Why don't you start doing things like going out for a movie?or just going to a nice restaurant just two of you like a date rather than doing something just friends do..
I'm asking you to do this,cause then you would know how he'd react and it will give you a hint about the way he thinks about you..
If this is breaking you soo much I think its better you pour your heart to the person,who you love..no matter what happens I am sure he'l always be there for you as a friend..
Invite him over to your place,make a nice meal and tell him that lately your feelings for him have changed you don't knw what it is,but you just had to say it to him,cause keeping it inside is killing you,tell him its not necessary neither are you obliged to feel the same way,but I would like to know if I'm thr only one feeling this way or do u feel the same?whatever it is I always will and care about you as a friend and I would never want to lose that,its just that I want to take this one step forward with you holding your hand but if you don't want to that's fine with me cause I will still be there as friend standing right next to you..
You seem like a wonderful person who has a lot to give,and this person should be lucky to have someone like you..
I really hope this works out for you..
Good luck x
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