A
female
age
30-35,
*usansuma
writes:Last fall my beloved family member passed away, I was in shock and was completely devastated. I had a very casual guy friend at college who i never thought about dating, in fact i had never dated anyone and neither did he, but in my moments of weakness i confided in him and he was there for me through the hardest time of my life. Soon he fell for me and eventually i fell for him as well. there were many nights i'd sob into his arms and he would tell me that i didn't have to go through it alone and that he was there for me. we were so happy. the snow would fall outside and we would cuddle and laugh inside. but things soon deteriorated after winter break. there were many issues, in hindsight, i realize i was selfish, and uncaring because i was such a broken person. despite this we stayed together because we liked each other so much and hoped things would get better. but it didn't and it was awful. i was so miserable because i knew things weren't working out yet i loved him, i cried so much. eventually, he ended it. i admit that i did beg and i yelled and i screamed at him. its been 3 months we dated for 9 months. hes made it clear he doesn't want to be friends, which is so hurtful but i accept it because deep down i want him to be happy.I'd be lying if i said i was over it because i'm clearly not. i still think about his almost everyday and find myself in tears at night still. he was my first love and my angel. im scared i won't find anyone as great. i'd also be very sad if he hates me forever, i really want to eventually be on good terms with him. after college we'll be far apart but i really want him to know that i'll always be there for him. thanks for letting me vent. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (3 November 2010):
This is a sad situation, and I am sorry that everything turned out this way.
At this time, I think it's best just to leave him to get on with his own life. I think the best thing you can do is write him one letter, explaining that you are sorry for the way things turned out with him, and that you will be there if he needs you. Truthfully, the chances are he will not get back to you. But at least you'll know that he has a written apology for what happened, and also he knows that you are there. He then can make his own decision.
Sometimes, people can come together for perhaps the wrong reasons. I think that kind of what happened here. At the time, you were vulnerable because you'd lost someone very important to you, and he was there for you. Naturally, you spent time with each other, and got together. The problem was that really, you weren't ready for that kind of relationship because you were dealing with so much grief. You weren't selfish or uncaring. You were in a bad place. You were allowed to be angry, and upset at times. You still are. People are allowed to do what you have done, because it's human to feel bad, shout, scream, make mistakes.
You will get over him slowly. I think you've got a lot going on, and it might well help if you got some counselling just to clear the air a bit. Now you just need to focus on your own life and do your own thing. You'll get there. Accept that mistakes were made because you were in a bad place, and realize that it doesn't make you a bad person or anything like that.
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