A
male
age
41-50,
*aulcharla
writes:I want to know peoples views on what I should do, and how I can ensure this never happens again.This new years myself and my girlfriend went to a party. I got extremely drunk. I hurt my girfriend's wrists by holding them extremely hard (she has bruises) when we were argueing later. I also said some horrible things to her and was being sexual with her friend. I'm not sure exactly what as I was doing as I can't remember this.I don't think this is me but it is obviously inside of me. This is the second time I have been horrible to her when I have been drunk. I feel sickened by myself and want to make sure I never do anything like this again.
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male
reader, B.PLUR88  +, writes (14 March 2013):
Drinking made me bahave badly.Quit drinking before you end up fighting and perhaps facing a Domestic Violence Charge or even worse.Because of my drinking i've lost my job, i lost any chance of winning back the woman i love (obviously), and i'm about to lose my home.You don't want to end up like me, seriously you don't.
A
male
reader, B.PLUR88 +, writes (14 March 2013):
take it from me. don't try limiting the amount of alcohol you drink.Just give up alcohol all together. i lost my girl because i would get wasted and become offended by just about anything she said to me and i would let it ruin the night. there were a few times where i even threatened her. i tried quitting multiple times but failed on account that when i drank with friends and i was the life of the party.
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A
male
reader, B.PLUR88 +, writes (14 March 2013):
before i say what i have to say i would just like to inform everyone i'm writing this on my phone and it only allows me to type 256 characters per entry so this will be in multiple responses
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A
male
reader, mdw +, writes (5 January 2011):
don't get drunk........
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A
male
reader, foolishsage +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Wow - everybody wants you to give up the bottle (and I'm not saying that it's be a bad idea), but that's not the core issue and I'm not going to preach.The issue is that for whatever reason, you have a subconscious mindset that is telling you that she's not important to you or that she's beneath you and has low self-esteem or that you just don't really want to be with her.If she's tolerating your abuse when you're drinking, then she is re-enforcing these thoughts that she doesn't respect herself because she isn't firm with her boundaries. Your behavior towards her is only lessening her self-esteem as well as your own self esteem if your treatment of her isn't in line with how you feel that you like to treat others.I suggest both need to work on yourselves and take a good hard look at the relationship and make sure there aren't any unresolved issues.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011): yw. I'm so glad that you recognize that you have a problem and that you're going to stop drinking and do something about this serious problem. You may have hereditary issues that lead you to be alcoholic.
As you can see you have already damaged your love due to this and over time people who are alcoholic and abusive damage the lives of themselves and their loved ones often beyond repair.
Please stick to this and heal yourself and when you do, try to make it up in some way to your gf even if she will never be your gf again after this.
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A
female
reader, Nancy13 +, writes (4 January 2011):
 Well,you did wrong because you got drunk And you And i hope you know that when people are drunk they dont know what to do like they lose their mind And do whatever you know
So you did wrong And so did your Girl so you guys need to talk And so what happpened that day So you can get your relationship starght I will tell you to STOP DRINKING OKK!
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A
male
reader, Paulcharla +, writes (3 January 2011):
Paulcharla is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou very much everyone for the replies.
My girlfriend has thrown me out of the house which is fair enough.
I am giving up alcohol and am going to try counselling to try and get rid of the ugliness inside me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): dont get drunk.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Some people turn nasty when drunk even though they are perfectly nice when sober. Take a tip from me: my father was like that, over time it harmed my life, my mother's and destroyed his. The only option for you is to recognise you have a prolem with drink and basically don't drink alcohol. At least you know there is a problem. I urge you to control things so that you don't hurt those you love, and ultimately lose them. You have a chance to nip this in the bud, please do that for yourself and those you love.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Learn to pace yourself.
Stopping drinking is incredibly difficult and while the other posters think it's a good idea and that you should find some other activities to do instead. It's not that simple. It's most likely you have a complete social circle built around drinking together. Your girlfriend and all her fiends probably do the same and to deprive yourself of that might just have the opposite effect of making you bored, frustrated and lonely. Which might put a strain on your relationship.
You need to address your self control and change the way you drink. If you're a whiskey drinker then you need to go on the beer/stout/cider. In fact you would probably be better off staying away from all spirits.
If that's not an issue then you need to calm your drinking habits. No shots, no games, no downing it in one. Etc. Just say no to that kind of thing. Plus take a break after every 4th beer/cider/stout and have a pint of water. Seriously it's not that hard to adjust your habits. You can't let yourself get that drunk around er anymore, something about her sets you off. If you want to get blasted drunk then just leave it for the boys nights out.
You know you have an issue with this, you know you have to make sure it doesn't happen again. So start pacing yourself, drinking in moderation and staying away from spirits. Anytime you feel like it doesn't matter "this time you'll be fine" just remember how you feel now and just don't go that far.
Dude you're in your mid-twenties now. There's no need to be downing shots and playing drinking games, plus you're at the age now where getting absolutely langers is not the desired effect anymore. Unlike when you're a teenager and getting drunk really quickly and drinking a tonne is the goal. Time you just drank to enjoy your evening and take the edge off a night. Not to fall around and have drunken stories of stupidity to talk about.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 January 2011):
 How can you ensure that this never happens again? That's easy! Give up the alcohol and discover why you have such ugliness inside you. The alcohol is like an amplifier to what is already inside you. Give up the drink, and you keep your inhibitions. Find out what's making you this way, and you can maybe get rid of the ugliness.
Seriously, find a better and healthier release than tons of alcohol. Is there a sport, hobby, fitness, racing, anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction? Are you hurting because of a disappointment in your past? Time to remake who you are and be happier in the long run!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): I think the one positive thing you've got going for you is that you are aware you have a problem and you want to change. If your sober self and your drunk self are so disassociated, you probably have much deeper issues.
I would try some sort of personal counseling. If you aren't up for it, I do believe there are support groups and therapy circles for men who have similar issues. Perhaps try joining one of them?
http://themenscentre.co.uk/
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 I know this is an obvious answer but honestly I can't think of another one : stop drinking.
Apparently you drink to the dangerous point of being totally out of control- or maybe you don't drink a lot in terms of quantity but you are a person who does not handle drinks well.
Either way, the only way to make sure that you don't treat your gf ( or other people ) horribly when you are drunk... is making sure you do not get drunk to begin with.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): It sounds like you are alcoholic or you're a heavy drinker who becomes abusive when drunk. You need to get help to stop drinking first and then consider counseling to see why you became emotionally and physically abusive with your gf.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Don't drink so much next time! That's obvious enough.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): This reminds me of a past relationship I had. If you are treating her badly, then the underlining issue is usually about respect.
If you truly respected her you wouldn't treat her in that way. Maybe you think [as I did] that she is lucky to be with you? For me the problem boiled down to not being able to get over an ex.
In the end my ex left me and i only realised the damage i had caused when i was begging her to take me back. It is good that you want to sort the problem out now, just make sure you do before it is too late.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): You need to stop drinking alcohol.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2011): Clearly if you keep doing this while drunk, then alcohol is the problem here. It changes people, and it seems to make you more prone to being violent and being sexual with her friend was just wrong. Simple. You need to stop drinking alcohol. Some people say they couldn't do this but you need to decide if you having a healthy and non-violent relationship with your girlfriend is more important to you than a bit of alcohol. Neither me or my boyfriend drink anymore because it made us both into people we didn't want to be and it was ruining us. Since we both stopped drinking a year ago there have been no problems and everything is better than ever. Maybe this is something you and your girlfriend should consider?
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A
female
reader, jacinta  +, writes (2 January 2011):
 Simple,give up the drink,it dont agree with you,you act disgraceful with it,i mean come on you held your gf hands so hard she had bruising and your askin what should you do,give it up,plain and simple.
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